Hello Darkness, My Old Friend. It's Getting Cold In Here Again.

Our kitchen is small. Like postage stamp sized small. We have only the cupboard under the sink and one tiny side cupboard that make up the bottom bank of cabinets. The top cabinets include one double cabinet over the island, (that holds the tiny side cupboard and the dishwasher), a regular size cabinet to the left of the sink, 2 small cabinets that share the corner to the right of the sink, and a bank of small baskets that go above the stove and refrigerator. Did I mention it's small?

There is no pantry. We have a shelf pot rack hung on the wall to hang our pots and pans when not in use, a baker's rack that holds the microwave oven and some small appliances in the cupboard underneath, and a big hotel armoire with four large drawers as storage. We call the armoire the "pantry" just as a way to identify it to one another. And while it holds quite a bit, it really is not nearly as convenient as a walk in pantry would be. One day, I hope that we can build one just off the kitchen in the garage. If we ever do, I would ensure it was large enough to hold a spare refrigerator, all of the small appliances that are in the laundry room, because we don't use them that often, so they haven't made the list to stay upstairs, and the upright freezer we have downstairs. 

Because, let's face it. It's not convenient to have the freezer downstairs. It's also not convenient to have to go down there to get extra paper towels, the waffle iron, or the syrup, and it makes putting groceries away great fun. We definitely get our exercise when we're unpacking the car and putting the frozen stuff away. 

But that is our situation for the foreseeable future, and we'll deal with it. We are actually very, very thankful that we have that extra storage space, and I am not complaining. Just explaining. 

So the other night, I asked Hopper to run downstairs and get the last of the pizzas that were in the freezer. We'd gotten some when we'd gone shopping a few weeks ago, and there were 2 left, and they were going to be supper. We had just stocked up on a few more necessities the other day, so the freezer was full, so I asked Hopper to make sure she closed the freezer well. When she came upstairs, she said that she had, so I popped the pizzas in the oven and forgot about it. 

Yesterday morning, I went to the laundry room to start a load of clothes. I was in my stocking feet, which is abnormal, because I'm wearing shoes 95% of the time I'm awake. But certain shoes throw me a little bit off balance on the stairs, so I kicked them off before I headed down. And I'd barely stepped into the laundry room, when my foot was soaking wet. The freezer was defrosting all over the floor. 

:::le sigh:::

The freezer had been open since the night before, when Hopper got the pizzas out. I know I should have checked on it, but there are some nights that I just need a little break, and that night, those stairs seemed so incredibly long, and I took the easy way out. I needed a break right then. It's probably good I got it when I did, because I've been working on the freezer in my spare time since then!

I can't get mad at Hopper. She did the best she could, and she often says, "no" when she means yes, and vice versa. It's on me. And instead of beating myself up over it, I've decided to just be thankful that the freezer will be clean, and I'll be able to organize it and keep it clean, to prevent this from happening again.

I realized that Hopper had pulled one of the drawers out and then couldn't get it pushed back in all the way, which made the door hinges appear to have been sprung. And as handy as I thought it would be to have drawers in the freezer, they haven't been that great. Then again, we probably haven't implemented them in quite the way they were intended. We've used them to store the frozen goodies from the garden, and come to think of it, the freezer packs that Hubster used to use in his cooler for lunch were in there, as well. I think that they just weighed the drawers down to much to allow them to move freely. So once we stock up on groceries again, I'll make sure that nothing heavy goes in either drawer. 

I've already found a short box that I can stand the freezer packs in that is going to work perfectly to help keep things organized and still allow us to access them easily. 

Don't worry. It's on a shelf. 

I've learned my lesson.

When we go get the groceries to fill the freezer again, I'll have Hopper help me put them away. Hopefully, I can make it a learning opportunity and explain that she can't move things around or pull the drawers out, because we always need to make sure the door closes completely. If need be, we'll start locking it, so she can't get in and rearrange things. 

If all else fails, there is an alarm on the freezer, to let us know, if the door has been left open, but it has a major design flaw. . .

We have to remember to turn it on. 

It Was Nice Knowing You.

We've been through a lot these last 365, you and me. I hope you don't mind me moving on. It's not you. I promise.

I'm not complaining. At least I'm trying not to complain, but I really am ready for the new beginning that a new year promises. It gives me hope, and hope is what I need. 

I hope that things start to normalize for us a bit. 

I hope that the behavior therapists can help the girls and help us with the girls when they struggle with their emotions. 

I hope that we can figure out something that will help Hubster more with the Parkinson's, so he isn't so tired so much of the time.

I hope that we can figure out something to help the girls better with communication.

I hope that we can get a central air unit, so Hubster has a place to escape the heat this summer, since it kicked his butt last year.

I hope that I can make exercise a priority again.

I hope that I have the willpower not to drink that evil elixir that rhymes with Moctor Depper. 

I hope that now we have finished the clutter on the outside of the house, we can make headway on the clutter that is within. 

I hope that I can make it to my blog to post more often, because I find it therapeutic, and I miss it terribly. 

I hope that I can be silent, that I might hear His voice and abide in His love even more.

And I hope that each of you has a wonderful 2016!

Happy New Year!

How do I know, if I'm a hoarder? Pt 6 - What do you think?

So far, I've covered several things that I have in common with those with hoarding issues. The last two things that come to mind are obsessive negative thoughts and trouble communicating.


I don't ever remember a time in my life that I haven't struggled with negativity. It often consumes my thoughts for days at a time. I can  just be minding my own business and boom! Something creeps in and takes my thoughts captive. 


I never know when it will strike, what will set it off, how long it will last, or what the topic will be. I just know it's incredibly discouraging. Most often, the thoughts I can't get out of my mind have to do with someone hurting someone I love. Like when I was preoccupied for several days with  the way my in-laws had treated our family. 


It's absolutely exhausting to relive the hurt over and over again. I'd rather just forget it, put it in the past, and leave it there never to be thought of again. But the thoughts aren't always about someone hurting me or my family. Sometimes, it's worry about things that I have done wrong. And believe me. I've got plenty of fodder for the thoughts that dance in my head.


When I was very young, (maybe 8?), I remember hearing someone in church saying that humans are in a constant state of sin. I took it very literally, and I couldn't sleep, eat or breathe for days after I heard that. I thought it meant that every single breath I took, every bite of food I ate, every thought I had, everything I did was a sin. I specifically remember breathing in and thinking, "Oh my goodness! I just sinned!" Breathing out and thinking, "Oh no! I did it again!" And I remember feeling very, very guilty.


The thoughts eventually stopped, but I'm not sure exactly how it happened. I don't know, if I asked Mom, if I was understanding it correctly, or if I mentioned it to one of my older brothers and sisters, and they explained it to me or what. I do remember feeling relieved when I was no longer struggling with the negative thoughts. They would, however, still come rushing back when I would get in trouble for doing something naughty. 


And just to be perfectly clear, my parents had nothing to do with the negative self talk. I firmly believe it's something I was born with. Something in my personality. I don't blame anyone for it. Not even myself. At least I don't blame myself when I'm actually thinking clearly. I still fall victim to my pointing fingers when I'm in the middle of a mind assault, but I believe it is how my brain is wired. It just is who I am, and I need to learn to deal with it, so it's not a debilitating thing.


I've also struggled my entire life with communicating my thoughts. I've written before about how I've struggled with talking too much. I've been told more often than I can count to 'get to the point' or to hurry up and say what I had to say. I always feel so belittled when it happens, but I can't find the words at the moment to say, "That hurts my feelings, and I feel belittled. Please let me finish my thought." 


And there are certain topics that get me riled to the point I feel like I can't put two words together and make any sense. I have definite thoughts or feelings about the subject, but it's like they get stuck in my head and can't make their way out of my mouth . If I go ahead and try to address the issue right then and there, I come across as being in attack mode, because I can't get the right words out. My frustration level increases, my voice raises, and I go right into a fight or flight response. I am rendered completely ineffective to defend my thoughts, and my anxiety level increases dramatically.

It's maddening. 


I've come to the conclusion that these will be lifelong struggles for me, but I also am hopeful that I will learn strategies for circumventing both situations before they get out of control. 


I am more than my struggles.

Cheers!

So. My final post of the year. Wow. I can't believe 2010 has come to an end.


In many ways, I'm going to miss 2010. It's been a good year. A really good year, even. It's been full of struggles, full of honesty, reflection and self realization, full of hard work and full of hope and the additions to our family of Bubster and Frank when Bugster and Bubster wed back in April and they took guardianship of Frank over the summer. 

How can I not miss it?


It's been a good year.


But I am so full of hope for 2011 and what it holds in store for our family, that I will gladly bid this year adieu.

In spite of having an infection in my incision wound, I'm feeling quite well. I'm so thankful that I had the surgery. I'm already wishing I'd done it years ago. I am hoping that it will make the difference in my health that I'm thinking it's going to make. 


Last year, I was at my heaviest weight of all time, having taken 6 or 7 courses of steroids after coming down with the swine flu. I was sick all winter. I eventually lost 15 of the 30 pounds I'd gained due to the steroids, but when I came home from surgery, I'd gained the 15 pounds back from the swelling and fluid retention I was experiencing. I wondered, if it was going to take another year to lose it.


It didn't.


Unlike most women who gain weight after a hysterectomy, I have somehow beat the odds so far. I lost the 15 pounds I brought home from the hospital plus an additional 15 pounds. And in spite of the fact that I still have over 100 pounds to lose, I'm 30 pounds closer to my goal and the least I've weighed in 3 years. It gives me hope that I will eventually be successful at losing the weight just like I'm going to eventually finish dehoarding and organizing my home.


I am confident that 2011 is going to be a wonderful continuation of the journey I started January 9, 2010. 


In the meantime, we'll be wrapping up 2010 in a couple of hours. About 30 minutes from now, I'll wake up Hopper, Scooter and Mom (We're still blessed with her company due to a storm that moved in yesterday! We're thrilled!), so we can ring in the New Year together. 


We'll be enjoying our annual New Year's fondue. We'll be fixing chicken, beef and Inside Out Cheeseburgers, and we'll enjoy fresh broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and celery with a Ranch dip made with Greek yogurt instead of sour cream along with cheese and crackers. Once we're done eating, we'll toast with sparkling cider and watch the big ball drop while calling loved ones at the stroke of midnight to wish them Happy New Year. To top things off, it looks like The Hubster will even be able to join us this year!


Oh. You're wondering what Inside Out Cheeseburgers are. 

I understand. 

They're a fun fondue food and taste amazing. They're made by whisking up a couple of eggs and adding whatever spices you wish to use. I just use a little pepper and garlic salt. Add the lean ground beef, (it holds together better in the hot oil than turkey burger) and bread crumbs and mix it together until it's fairly dry but not crumbly. 


Form a ball using 1 to 2 tablespoons of the burger mixture and push a hole down into the center of the ball. Insert a piece of cheese in the hole. I've used Velveeta before, but it disintegrates in oil too easily and seeps out. So use something harder. This year I'm trying Colby Jack cheese, although I may try cheddar next year depending on how things turn out tonight. Anyway, you finish them off by rolling them in breadcrumbs, because they hold together better that way and cook them in your fondue pot until done, which will vary depending on the size. 


So there you have it. We're going to have fun tonight. I had an amazing 2010 filled with both ups and downs but an awful lot of growth and loss. And I'm going to embrace 2011 for all it's worth.


May each of you have an amazing New Year every day of 2011 and be blessed beyond measure! 


Here's to you. To me. To us. 


Cheers!

An early Christmas.

I am ever so glad it was warm outside today. Well. Warm for Colorado in December. It was in the 50s, and we needed every degree of warmth possible to complete our task, plus the space heater, but complete it we did.

The. Storage. Pod. Is. Empty.

My mother and my husband did the vast majority of the leg work with a little help from Hopper. We thought of hiring Frank the last couple of hours to help out. I wish we'd have thought of it sooner. It was a great investment, and he was a huge help. 


Our basement holds most of the contents of the pod at this point, but it does not feel like it will be impossible to get through the boxes, even though they take up a large portion of the family room. It's going to take awhile to get through the crafts and get them sorted. There's a lot of crafts, and while I have quite the craft area I will not have room for everything, so I will be paring down as I go along. I think it's going to be a case of "easier said than done," but I refuse to be intimidated. I will get through it.

I meant to take pictures in the pod before we started unloading, but it's just as well I didn't. By the time we finally finished, I felt like a Popsicle I was so cold, and I doubt my fingers would have been able to operate the buttons on a camera. Now that everything is inside, I'll make sure I get pictures before I start going through boxes tomorrow.

I know we have a lot of games that we'd gotten for the girls over the years, but realistically, I know we won't be using them all, and many of them are still brand new. I want to go through them, get out the ones I don't think the girls will use, and donate them to one of the local toy drives in time for Christmas. Hopefully, they'll bring smiles to a few faces this Season.

I'm exhausted tonight from my role in today's adventure. I didn't lift anything. I left that up to The Hubster and Mom. However, I stood in the pod for the 5 hours it took us to go through and delegated. The craft boxes went on one side of the family room. The games, toys, and other boxes that are going to require a bit more time to sort went on the other side. The books all went in the workout room. 


Speaking of books, The Hubster was in shock when we came across 13 more boxes of books after he thought he'd already moved all the boxes down to the workout room. He's positive he's not going to be able to fit them all on the bookshelves we have ready for him to use. He's looking at paring down, too.


Emptying the pod today has been an eye-opening experience. It's made us very much aware of what it is that we struggle with hoarding, and it's made us very much aware that we do not want to continue down the path we'd chosen. We no longer choose to go down that road. 


We've decided to take a detour that will lead us to our real lives. 


Merry Christmas to us.

Just checkin in...

I'm feeling much better than I expected to feel 11 days post-op. I am just so relieved to have the surgery out of the way and to be feeling the way I am. I definitely feel better than I did at this point in the recovery after my c-sections, so I'm quite happy about that.

When I went in to get the staples out last week, I asked the doctor, if it was okay for me to go through the boxes that The Hubster was bringing in from the pod on the driveway. She said that it was as long as I rested, if I felt tired. So I've been sorting and resting as needed. I've gotten through quite a bit so far, and I couldn't be happier.

We're about halfway through the pod at this point. Things have either been tossed in the trash, cleaned for donation, set aside for someone else, or kept for our use. So far, we're keeping very little except the craft stuff. And we're on such a roll that decisions are coming easier for me all the time. 

We're about halfway through the pod at this time. Tomorrow, we're going to get it emptied. We want it off the driveway. Granted, that means we'll have to put what remains where it will fit, and it will take up quite a bit of room downstairs and in the garage, but I'll continue to work on sorting as many boxes as possible, so we can get the basement cleared as quickly as we can. 


We're hoping to completely clean the pod out tomorrow and call the company on Monday to come and pick it up. The company has up to a week after we call to pick it up. That being the case, we will be able to park in the driveway before Christmas! We are SO thrilled with that! The driveway is going to look so naked once it's gone. 


That's okay.


Nudity has it's place.

Untitled. Because I don't want to stretch my brain to think of a title tonight.

I'm so tired tonight. I should already be asleep, even though it's only 9:30.

I hurt all over. My fibro is in overdrive, but at least I've been working through the pain. I'll be working through it tonight again when I take a pain pill before I crawl under the covers. I think we're going to have to turn the heat up from 69 to 70. It's been okay for awhile, but the cold really makes me hurt more. I'm already looking forward to next summer.

K came over again today. We got an amazing amount of work done. We still have so much to do that it's overwhelming when I look at it like that. I just have to concentrate on what we've accomplished. We were able t to finish all the caulking on the hallway. It took the most time, because there were 3 smaller doorways and a rather large doorway to caulk around. Inside and outside of the frames. It looks fantastic!

We were also able to get over half the crown moulding caulked. Caulking around the includes caulking it at the top and the bottom where it meets the ceiling and wall. We were able to finish caulking at least 2/3 of the moulding in the family room. We'll have to finish the last 1/3 and then get the crown moulding in the workout room finished. The baseboards will need done, too, but they'll be the easiest to finish up. I'm just so excited at how finished everything looks. I'm anxious to get it all done.

It's supposed to be a bit warmer tomorrow, so we're going to try to finish cutting the shelving for the cubbies under the stairs, sanding them and getting the first coat or two of paint on them. I'm hoping we'll have time to finish up the caulking tomorrow, too. Then all we'll have very little left to do to finish up the basement.

I don't know, if we'll get to the point of finishing the window trim, and I highly doubt I'll have time to stain the oak door with the windows in it that will be installed between the family room and the workout room, but you never know. We actually won't be able to finish putting up the baseboards on either side of the wall that separates the two rooms until the door is installed. We may just have to wait awhile to get that done, and I'm okay with that.

Hopper had another rough day at school today. After talking with the nurse, we realized it's because she's nervous about me going into surgery in a couple of weeks. Poor thing. I wish there was more we could do to help her out. I'm so glad Mom will be here to help her be strong when I'm in the hospital.

I'm fighting a very slight sore throat tonight. And here I sit wide awake when I couldn't seem to keep my eyes open at 4:30 this afternoon. I honestly think I could have slept for a full 12 hours, if I'd given into the urge to sleep earlier and skipped writing tonight. But my blog is a priority. I need to write here daily to keep my focus on the big picture: that I am a hoarder and that I'm working to change that.

Besides. I'll get plenty of rest after my surgery.

Hopper. My hero.

Spent the day running around Denver to help keep Hopper's mind off the surgery. She was doing great until just a minute ago, but she's still doing better than she ever has before when she's had to have dental surgery. She's trying so hard to be brave, and it just breaks my heart when she's scared like this. I'm just so very, very grateful for the Theanine. It's worked wonders. The meltdown she had tonight only lasted 3 minutes or so, and she was able to pull herself together. That's huge for her!

We didn't buy a lot today. For the last several years, I've tried really hard not to bring anything home that we won't actually use, so it was easy to pass up things that years ago I would have just had to have.

We bought the girls a couple of bracelets each that were on clearance, they each got a t-shirt, and I got a lined sweatshirt that is really warm. Other than that, we got some calendars and a transistor radio for Hopper. We've looked for one for her for years, but we haven't been able to find one. Seriously. Who'da thunk a day would go by that transistor radios were impossible to find? They're one of the most handy little things you can have around, and it's not like they use a lot of battery power. Sometimes, simple is just nice. Plus she'll be able to carry it around. Can do a lot worse for $13!

Hopper loves listening to Country and Christian music, talk radio (she loves listening to politics of all kinds - she's a funny kid), and sports of all kinds. She's had a few boombox-type radios over the years, but they don't seem to last. They get dropped once, and the antenna breaks off or the CD player stops working. Something always seems to happen to them, so she starts tuning my radio in the kitchen into her stations, and, well, let's just say we don't listen to the same things. We have the same taste in music, but that's about it. I think this will be the perfect solution, and we won't have to worry about her plugging it into the outlet. She always does fine, but it's still not something we care to have her doing. So the little transistor radio we picked up today should be the perfect solution for her.

I need to go to bed. It's early, but we have to be at the hospital at zero dark thirty in the morning. That means a quarter to the backside of dawn reveille, since the crack will be nowhere in sight. :)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Back in January when Bugster took the Christmas tree down for us, we set up the card table, so I could put the decorations she wasn't sure what to do with away, and they'd be at a more comfortable level for my back. After the decorations were put away, the card table went into the corner of the living room and was promptly filled it to overflowing with stuff. All sorts of stuff. And today I got the itch to tackle it.

I was able to sort through most everything, and what I didn't get to I was able to stack neatly in the study. I was able to go through a lot of paperwork and ended up with 2 more bags of shredables to add to my overall total as well as a huge black trash bag full of, well, trash. I will hopefully be able to get to to the paperwork I put in the study fairly soon. I'm not counting on getting through it all before I have to go in for surgery, but you never know. Hope springs eternal.

I'm absolutely thrilled with The Hubster today. We've had a broken handle on the toilet for a couple of years. Something happened, and it never flushed correctly. We had to hold the handle down to flush it, because the float didn't work right, and the flapper would snap shut and keep the water from flowing to the bowl, if we didn't. It killed my back and drove me nuts, but there was concern the water intake would leak, if it was turned off, and that was the last thing we needed. Hubster decided to take his chances today anyway and replace the flapper and the handle, and we didn't end up with any sort of a leak. Did I mention I am absolutely thrilled.

He did the heavy lifting today, too, and brought the mirrors up and put them on the back porch, so I can hopefully start working on sanding and painting them tomorrow. I can do the etching anytime, but the painting can only be done when it's warm enough outside for the paint. It will be good to get started on them.

We'll hopefully also work on the cubby that we need to get together up above the refrigerator and stove. One of the boxes that was under the card table was a box of things that had to come down from there when we tore the cabinet out. I've got a few similar boxes sitting on the floor in the kitchen just waiting for the cubby to be put up. We just need to make a few cuts and assemble the box. I painted the boards a long time ago. We'll hopefully be working on getting it together tomorrow. I'd really like to have the things put away before I have surgery.

It seems like every year before the holidays, I have every intention of getting things done early enough that I'm not trying to make the house presentable the night before we have our celebration, but it never happens. This year, it's going to happen. I need for it to be finished this year more than years in the past, but the biggest thing I have going for me this year more than years in the past is motivation.

With starting this early, the holiday stress will surely be at a minimum. I'm looking forward to that!

Fifteen hours of sleep and a nekkid headboard.

I was a little off on my timing yesterday afternoon when I posted that I started the post a bit after 3:00 and would be in bed by 5:00. The clock on my computer was off, so it was actually after 4:00 when I wrote my post, and I was a little late getting into bed, but I was asleep by 5:35. Out. Cold.

Aside from waking up to use the restroom, I slept through until this morning when the alarm went off shortly after 5:00 to get the girls ready for school. I didn't actually get out of bed until 5:25, though. I had a really hard time getting up. Once the girls were off to school, I sat on my heating pad for a few minutes while The Hubster was off on his run. When he got back a couple hours later, he woke me up and asked, if I wanted to go to bed. I remember looking at the clock around 7:40, but that's the last thing I remembered before he came home. I ended up going back to bed for awhile, and I didn't wake up until 11:00.

My body obviously needed the sleep.

And while I'm not as sleepy tonight as I was last night, I am tired. I'm sure I'll sleep just fine tonight. I decided not to take the new pain medicine today. Just in case it was the cause for the fatigue, I figured I'd let it get completely out of my system before I try it again. If it happens again, I'll know I need to stay away from it. I really can't afford to be sleeping 15 hours a day when I have so much that needs to be done!

Speaking of things needing done...I'm almost finished with my painting. I painted for several hours today, and I'm thrilled to have gotten so much done. While I gave myself until next weekend to finish everything up, I think I'll be done before then. Yay!

I took pictures of the headboard while it was still nekkid and then after I got the first coat of paint on it (after the 2 coats of primer had dried). I love it. The paint totally changed the look of the headboard! I think it looks almost elegant now.


I finished painting the bookshelf/entertainment center awhile back. It's in the left of this picture but facing forward. I just have to add the black knobs between the black lines on the drawer. The dresser that's on the workbench is done except for the black I'll be adding to it.


This is the top of the dresser. It might be sort of hard to see the squares, but I'll be painting every other one of them black tomorrow for a bit of a checkerboard look. Then, I'll be painting the feet black, too.

Once I'm done with that, I'll be adding the hutch to the top of it. It's the one on the right in this picture below the writing. There's a drawer that goes in the bottom, but I realized I really need to paint the inside of the drawer. It's too dark. In fact, the entire inside of the hutch was that dark stain before I started painting it. It would have been such a nifty place for spiders with a death wish to hide, but this way, I can find them more easily to help them on their way to find their Maker.

This last picture shows what I have left to paint over the next few days. I should be able to get it all primed with 2 coats tomorrow and possibly get the first coat of paint on it before I'm done with them for the day. The little garden gates go on the bottom shelf of the book case that's to the left in the last picture before this one. It will go in Scooter's room. Then the drawer, which is all the way in the back behind everything else in the picture, and the door frames that are in the front will go on the hutch that's in the right of the picture above. I'll be putting fabric panels up inside it instead of windows. And the last stuff I'm going to paint is doll furniture that Bugster used and doesn't want anymore. I'll be painting them for Scooter to use with her babies.

I'm thrilled I'm nearing an end to all the painting with the oil based paint. I love how it looks when it's all done. I just don't care for the smell. Once all of these are done and out of the way, I'll work on painting the four doors we bought for downstairs. They're all in varying states of paint at this point, so it shouldn't take too long.

Hopefully.

It's all a matter of timing.

I'm very happy with how things went today.

The weather eventually cooperated enough I could paint this afternoon. It was very windy this morning, so I had to wait until mid afternoon to even attempt things, but it was worth the wait.

Earlier, I'd mentioned that I wanted to see if painting 2 coats of primer would cut down on the number of coats of paints I would need to use. I am so glad I decided to go with 2 coats of primer! The primer I'm using, Kilz Odorless, which isn't really odorless, dries within about 10 minutes or so in spite of the fact that it's oil based. So I can slather on a couple quick coats of the primer much easier than I can paint with the regular oil based paint I'm using.

The regular oil based paint I'm using takes about 24 hours to dry before I can put on another coat of paint. With the weather changing like it is, I have to wait a bit before I can even begin painting each day. Then, because the sun goes down so much earlier than it did even a couple of weeks ago, I'm very limited with the time I actually have to paint. In other words, time is of the essence when it comes to painting the furniture. I'm quickly running out of days that I can paint furniture outside before the weather starts seriously limiting me.

With the cooperation of the weather today, I was able to get the first coat of paint on most of the furniture pieces out on the back porch today. From what I can tell, I will only need to put one more coat of paint on the pieces, because the second coat of primer is helping the paint cover so much better. I'm thrilled. This means that I'll be able to finish all the furniture that needs painted with the oil based paint in the next 10 days or so.

That means I should be finished up completely with it by next weekend. The furniture has taken so long, because of all the little nooks and crannies that need special detail. It's amazing how many nooks and crannies shelves add to a piece of furniture! Once I'm finished with the furniture, I should be able to finish up on the doors. They won't take as long, since they're being painted with a latex based paint and dry rather quickly. It's supposed to be in the 70s for the foreseeable future, so I should have a few good painting days ahead of me. That being said, I think I'll be able to get it all done without too much trouble.

It's going to be so nice to be able to move projects from my workspace after they're dry to the touch.

The sooner I can get them moved, the sooner I can put another project up and get started on it.

The sooner I get started on the last projects, the sooner I can pack up my paint brushes and empty off the porch.

It's all a matter of timing.

Ouchies and bandages.

From time to time, something current reminds me of a painful part of my past, and I will likely be writing about it on my blog. Such was the case of yesterday's post. A friend's friend lost their baby this week. She was 19 weeks along. The memories of my own miscarriages came flooding back.

Much of the time when dealing with grief and loss in my life, I've pushed my feelings aside and not dealt with the feelings. And because I started this blog to try to deal with why I have fallen into hoarding, I feel like I must acknowledge my feelings in order to get past them. Obviously, ignoring the hard stuff hasn't worked so well for me.

Writing often helps me process what it is I'm feeling. It helps me move on instead of staying in the past and living in the hidden grief. I'm just muddling through the best I can.

Plus blogging is cheaper than therapy.

Someday.

I was 5 years old when my dad brought mom home from the hospital. She had gone in to have our baby brother. She came home with empty arms. Our baby brother died when he was 3 days old as a result of an alcoholic doctor. Lawsuits were not common 40 years ago when we lost him, and I don't know that my parents would have sued anyway. The doctor, whose negligence resulted in his death, was very dear to my parents, and to say he felt bad about it was apparently an understatement. From what I understand, he stopped delivering babies after he inadvertently killed the youngest member of our family. It tore him apart.

But I don't think it could have affected him nearly as much as it affected our family. My mom never has gotten over it. For a full week before and after his birthday every year she is almost non-functioning with grief. I'm sure she pictures what he would have looked like, what he would be doing for a living, how many children he'd have had, but along with that, I know she has to wonder what he'd have been like as a little boy. Would he have been more sensitive like my younger brother or more of a rebel like one of my older ones And I'm sure she has wondered repeatedly what she could have done to have prevented it from happening and probably even suffered a bit from survivor's guilt. My mom's heart is huge, and she'd much rather have given her life, if his had been spared.

And while we never lost a baby after birth, we did lose 3 little ones who never made it into this world. The grief was overwhelming. We fell in love with every single one of them the moment we found out we were expecting. We wondered who they would resemble. Would we finally have our little boy? What would it mean for Hopper and Scooter? If the babies didn't have the genetic condition the girls have, would they ever think that they weren't good enough, and that was why we tried for more? What would it mean for the baby having 2 older sisters who they would eventually surpass in ability?

We hadn't come to an answer for any one of the questions when we lost them at 16, 13 and 9 weeks. We picked out names. We felt the first one we lost was finally our little boy. We named him Shamus Andrew. We sensed our next was another little girl. We named her Sylvia Adeline. We didn't name our last one. We didn't know about the pregnancy long enough to get a grasp of who we had lost, but the loss was tremendous.

It's amazing how big a void losing a child can leave in your life. Suddenly all the hopes and dreams you had from the moment the morning sickness started are ripped out of your hands - no matter how desperately you try to hold on. Sadly, it is totally out of your control, so you reach out to try to maintain control as you feel yourself free falling. You cling to what you do have. You hug your children a little tighter and more often. You never want to let them go.

For me, not only did I cling to my girls and my husband even more tightly. I hung onto anything and everything of theirs that had memories attached. Baby toys. The baby and maternity clothes were the hardest. I take that back. I still haven't been able to let go of the baby blankets I made. I'm not sure I'll ever get rid of them. I held onto the hope that one day, some day, I'd have a reason to wear my favorite blue and black plaid flannel maternity shirt that I wore with all 3 girls. That someday we would put the little pink bonnets and lacy dresses on another little sweetheart with a thick head full of hair.

Someday.

It's hard to give up Someday.

Someday is so full of promise.

Someday is so full of hope.

Someday is so filled with dreams.

It's really hard to give up Someday.

Baby steps and all.

Taking a break right now and watching Biggest Loser. It's incredibly inspiring, and I desperately need inspiration to keep going on the treadmill. It kills my back especially after not having been on it for 2 years. In fact, I had to take pain medicine and a muscle relaxant when I was done walking tonight. I'm hoping that as I lose weight and build my core muscles my back pain will go away or at least lessen enough I don't need steroid shots anymore. Eventually, I'm likely going to need surgery, but there's no way they'll touch my back at this weight. I easily have over 100 pounds to lose.

So tonight, my second night on the treadmill, I did 15 minutes instead of only 10, and I increased the incline to 2 for part of the walk. It's not much at all. I used to be able to walk miles with no problem. In junior high and high school I was in track. I often ran the mile or two mile, and even though I wasn't the best, I did it. It will likely be awhile before I work up to a mile on the treadmill. The doctor has told me I need to only be on it for a few minutes at a time, so I don't overdo and hurt my back even more.

The main thing is that I need to be on it regularly.

I've at least started.

And at least we've put the treadmill in it's own separate room with other workout equipment, so it can't get covered with clothes, papers or books.

I will do this in spite of myself just as surely as I will finish the process of dehoarding the house. It will happen.

So now that I'm done with the pep talk I needed to give myself, onto other things.....

I was able to finish the last coat of paint on the majority of the bookshelf/entertainment center today. I will hopefully be able to finish it up completely tomorrow, so it can sit on the back porch to air out for a few days before we take it downstairs. I have well under half of it left. It is looking really nice. I'm pleased with it, but I'll tell you something...it's a lot harder to paint bead board than it looks! The paint has to basically be forced down into the grooves. It doesn't go in willingly.

When I was done with the painting, I went downstairs to work on the outlets. We need to replace the outlets in the workout room and a couple in the family room. We also have to add spacers to some of the outlets, because they're recessed so far back into the walls. You see, the outlets in the outside walls in the basement are in concrete. And whoever put the paneling up on the walls likely did it, because the outlets would be recessed, if drywall was used. And since we chose drywall, we need to extend the boxes the outlets are in by at least an inch and a half.

I was able to get two of the outlets finished, but right as I was finishing up the 2nd outlet, the light went off. I think it overheated. It's a halogen treble light. So I guess I'll have to work on them during the daylight when I can see a little better without artificial help. I was going to work on replacing all the outlets in the workout room and the few I have to do in the family room, but I can't find the box of new outlets, either. We used them recently when we installed the ceiling fan in Scooter's room and replaced her outlets, but for the life of me I couldn't find them when I looked today. I'll look again tomorrow or go buy more. We have enough outlets that still need replaced that we'll use the ones in the box eventually anyway. I just want to get them finished.

I'll be going to bed early tonight, because the muscle relaxant is going to kick in hard and make me really sleepy soon, I'm sure. It's probably a good thing. I still need to get on that elusive schedule.

Instead. I sleep like a baby.

A few hours here.

A few hours there.

Changes.

Over the course of the last few months, I've had several comments that people can sense a change in how I'm doing with everything based on my writing. I'm not sure exactly what it is they see, but I find it interesting. I can tell I've changed through this process, but I wasn't exactly sure I could put my finger on how or why, so I've been thinking about it for a few weeks.

When I first began my journey, I would blush from embarrassment even acknowledging we were in this situation. It's not an easy thing to own up to. I was mortified. I mean this was humiliating! I was afraid of telling anyone, although I did trust a few close friends and family members, because I knew I needed the accountability. I was afraid that, if I kept it to myself I would fall into old patterns.

I think maybe I was trying to convince myself, fairly regularly I might add, that we would actually be able to get through things. It was just such an overwhelming task that lay ahead, and I needed a pep talk from time to time even, if I had to give it to myself. The future loomed, and it was scary. Could we even get it done? Would we?

I find I no longer need to give myself pep talks like I used to. I still need one from time to time, so I can finish a goal I've set for a certain time frame, but not for the overall task. I've made enough progress that today I feel confident that we will indeed accomplish what we set out to do. I have a peace that one day we will have an organized and dehoarded house.

I no longer just hope that it will happen. I have a confidence that it will. A confidence that stems from the successes we've already had.

It's no longer going to happen. It is happening.

Almost human.

Today I felt almost normal.

After we got the girls ready for school, but before they were out the door I'd gotten the turkey I'd been defrosting for a few days in the oven. Then I went back to bed for a little while. I am still needing a bit more sleep than typical, and I may as well catch up on it while the girls are in school. I enjoyed the nap, but I awoke from a dream about a creep from my past. I woke up shortly after he said he didn't know how I could do it with the girls. That he'd tried but couldn't. (Just for clarification, this creep was out of my life long before our girls entered the picture). He then started walking away and said, "Love ya!"

Ewww! I sat straight up in bed with that and felt like throwing up. He's not a person I ever care to see again. Ever. Even in my dreams. So I'm not sure exactly why he showed up this morning. I hope he crawls back to the rock under which he belongs. I never, ever want to go back to that time in my life. Not in time. Not in memories. Not in my mind. Not in my dreams.

Some might say I have issues.

I just say I've moved on.

I showered to start my day, got dressed, and started deboning the turkey. It hurt. The turkey was hot. I thought I was going to have blisters on my fingertips by the time I was done. So I took a few minutes and got a load of laundry started in the washer and then finished deboning the turkey. I got my biggest stock pot down, put the carcass and some celery in the pot and filled it up with water to make broth.

Then, shock of all shocks, I didn't put off cleaning the turkey roaster. I typically don't debone the turkey right away and that results in me putting off cleaning the roaster as well. They're close to the top of my list of things I hate to do. Really close. So the fact that it's all done is just...well...nice.

While the turkey carcass was brewing on the back burner, I went outside and painted the final coat of white on the table tops. I was going to do it yesterday or the day before, but both Wednesday and Thursday were windy, and I didn't want anything getting in the paint. Good thing I waited. The tops of the tables were covered in dust I had to wipe off before painting them.

When I came in, I got the girls something to eat and emptied out a couple baskets full of laundry and put the stuff put away. The laundry included clean towels. And even though I'd cleaned most of the linen closet out last week, I still had work I needed to do. The top shelf was where I tried to neatly stack all the placemats, tablecloths, doilies and napkins over the years. Except there was nothing neat about it. Anytime anything had been removed, the rest of the stuff ended up all cockeyed and disorganized and looked awful. Besides that, I had no place to put our sheets,

So everything came off the top shelf in the linen closet. It's in a laundry basket. So in some ways, I just traded baskets of stuff, because the sheets have been in a tote for the last several months. A tote in the living room. And I was ready to get it out of there! So the sheets and blankets were put on the top shelf of the linen closet, and it looks organized and nice. I'll work on sorting the placemats, doilies and napkins this weekend and getting that basket emptied and finding a permanent place for it's contents.

By the time I was done with the linen closet, the turkey broth was finished cooking. I left it to cool for awhile and then removed the bones and strained the broth. I'll skim the fat off it tomorrow after it's had a chance to harden in the refrigerator. Then I'll freeze half of it for the next time I need turkey broth. I'll be making soup in the next couple of days with the rest. The girls have brought sore throats home from school, and even though it's going to be hot this weekend soup just sounds good.

Yep. I'm feeling almost normal again.

I'm looking forward to getting some dehoarding done this weekend.

I give up.

Feeling a bit better today. I didn't have to be on two different kinds of pain medicine to keep things under control. This is a huge improvement over the last few days. I'll gladly take it. I hate when things are out of my control. Especially when I've been making so much progress and then ... nothing.

I've always had control issues. For as long as I can remember.

*I alphabetize my spices - it makes it easier to find them when I need them.
*I sort my canned goods according to size and content - makes it easier to see at a glance what I have.
*I have a compulsion to sort hangers. That's why I now have nothing but white ones.
*I have found that I can't help but sort our new dishes as I take them out of the dishwasher to put them away. The stacks from bottom to top: stripes, purple or purple w/polka dots, flowers, topped off with green or green w/polka dots and repeat. The only ones I don't worry about are the dessert plates. They're tiny. Only about the size of a saucer. Maybe even smaller. But we don't have an even number of them, so I can't sort them evenly, so I don't even bother. But we have 12 of each of the other pieces, and I can't help it. I tell myself I do it, because I want them to wear evenly and not have one pattern wear out more quickly than any of the others, but I think it's just that I have to control over them. It doesn't take a ton of time like the hangers did. I have a routine, and I follow it, and I can do it rather quickly, so it's really not a big deal.

However, for years we went without a dishwasher. So when we bought our house, I was so thrilled to get a dishwasher. I'd wanted one for years to help lighten the load. However, the load never seemed lightened. The dishwasher never seemed to get the dishes clean. So I would spend hours each week making sure there wasn't a speck of dust on them before loading them in the dishwasher. There could be grease. Just not specks of food, because they'd end up in the bottom of the glasses, and I'd have to rewash them. It drove me nuts. I also noticed that there were always soap bubbles in the bottom of the dishwasher when I opened it up which always surprised me, because I only used about 1/4 the amount recommended.

It dawned on me that maybe I wasn't giving the soap enough to work on. I mean, our dishwasher was expensive. It was a good machine when we bought it. The best in our price point, at least. But we never had clean dishes. I often used the dishwasher for a dish drain. I mean, if I was going to spend almost as much time rinsing and soaking all the food off the dishes before sticking them in the dishwasher, I may as well just wash them by hand. Right?

Like I said. Hours. Each. Week.

I told you I have control issues.

:::sigh:::

The next step was hard for me to take.

I stopped rinsing everything off the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. Granted, I put them on a longer wash, but I'd done that before, and the dishes hadn't come out clean. I expected no less this time. To my utter amazement, the dishes came out clean.

It took awhile for me to give up control over the dishes completely. Even though I'd seen the results, I still couldn't quite believe it. For a few more weeks, I'd rinse the dishes sometimes or do them by hand. Other times, I'd throw them in the dishwasher on an extended wash and still not quite believe that they were actually clean.

A few weeks into my experimenting, a friend sent me the following article. It talks about how using too much soap in your dishwasher or washing machine lessens the life of the machines considerable. I've always used less soap than called for, because we have a water softener, and you don't need to use as much when you have softened water. However, the article also addresses the very thing I'd discovered on my own. That dishes get cleaner in the dishwasher, if you can allow yourself to give up control and just let the dishwasher do it's job.

I'm still a control freak. I probably always will be. But I am so glad i gave up control over this particular thing in my life. It has saved me countless hours. Hours I can use to dehoard the house.

So glad I gave up.

On the wings of a shiny green fly?

On yesterday's post, I received the following comment:

BinaryPhoenix said... I'm late to the party - I found your blog a few days ago, and it's taken me a couple of days to read through and catch up to this point. I just have to say, that you are an amazing inspiration to more people than you know.

I thought you might find it interesting that I was referred to your blog by someone I met through www.flylady.net. Have you heard of it? It is an entire site dedicated to decluttering and establishing daily habits and cleaning routines. The friend that referred me forwarded your blog to several others in my area who are members of the site, and I thought you might enjoy checking it out. I've been a member for several years, but I've never found the inspiration there that I've found right here on your blog. While I myself am not to the point that you are at, I have noticed hoarding tendencies in myself (lets just say I have to force myself to stay away from craft shops and pet shops), and you inspire me to do better at keeping junk out of my house. So thanks for that.

I left off the last little bit of the comment to keep it relevant to today's post.

First of all, thank you for your incredibly kind words and for taking the time to read through my entire blog! As far as long comments? They're not a problem at all! I appreciate it, and if it were not for the support that I've received from people who have left comments and have followed me for so many months, I don't know how successful I'd be in this journey. Don't get me wrong. I would still work as hard as I could, but I can't explain how much the support I've received buoys me, so I wonder, if I would be able to push myself as hard, if it weren't for all my cheerleaders.

At the same time, I am writing this blog for myself, because it is nothing short of therapy for me. I often don't even know what I'm feeling until I start writing, and I owe it to myself and my family to write for me. It's the only way out. And I know that my supporters all know this, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you!

On to today's post...

I've had several people ask me, if I have used flylady, and I have in the past. However, I do not currently subscribe.

I think it's an amazing tool for those with general organization and clutter issues, and for cleaning tips. But for me, it was absolutely overwhelming and stressful.

I was receiving email upon email that told me what I should be doing, and over and over I felt like I wasn't living up to expectations. Granted, they weren't expectations that my family had placed on me, or that I had intentionally placed upon myself. But I felt the full weight of those expectations as certainly as I would feel a 100 pound bag of rice draped across my shoulders. I felt like I literally couldn't breathe from the guilt of my failures.

Early on in my blog, I touched on how too many emails were cluttering up my mind. That they were hanging over my head. And as odd as this may sound, I literally felt them over my right shoulder. It's peculiar, I know, but when I think of emails, they're always over my right shoulder. When I think of laundry, it's usually down in front of me on the floor ready to trip me up. Going out of the house for shopping, doctor's appointments and the like is always over my left shoulder. Birthdays and other important dates are directly behind me.

The hoarding has always been a huge, thick, dark gray cloud hanging over my head. It's enormous, and I could hardly see the edges in the far off distance. There were no rays of sunshine or hope making their way through little openings in the cloud. It was an ominous presence that loomed at all times.

I think it's probably odd that when I think of certain things I feel them in certain areas around my body. I've never asked anyone else, if they feel the things they're thinking of in a physical sense, but it can be exhausting feeling boxed in. Every single time I got a new email, the load over my right shoulder got a little heavier. And the emails I received from flylady added to the oppression.

Being a hoarder, I have always had such a problem getting rid of things I might use at a later date. It's a common thing. So I had the hardest time in the world deleting the flylady emails, because I knew that I really should be able to use that information to help me get my act together and get my house cleaned. So hundreds of emails piled up in my inbox and the weight upon my shoulders got so heavy I couldn't think straight.

One day, in a moment of clarity, I realized flylady was not helping me but was instead crippling me. I unsubscribed from the local and national groups and proceeded to delete the mountains of emails I had accumulated. It is not that I found no worth in flylady, but that I found too much. Eventually, I will likely find my way back to flylady but not until I have finished dehoarding, and only if I find that I need it at that time. If it feels like I'm spending more time sorting through emails than implementing the advice, I will once again walk away.

Although the hoarding cloud still looms to this day, I've noticed that the periphery seems closer than it ever has before. The cloud is not quite as dark as it's been in the past either.

And every once in awhile I see the occasional ray of sunshine filtering through.

Sock puppet anyone?

I'm thrilled with the progress I made today, even though it may seem like nothing. I feel like I'm making strides in decision making, and it's making the overall job so much easier. It's making it so much easier to let go.

I've mentioned a few times that I've been working on sorting through laundry that I've quite literally been trying to decided what to do with for the last 9 to 10 years. It's been an ongoing frustration that got worse every time I put it off. I just couldn't seem to figure out what to save, what to throw or what to donate out of piles upon piles of clothes.

Add baskets of socks to the mix, and fast forward to this morning. Yes. Literal baskets of socks. Three to be exact. And that's how I started this morning.

Let me back up a bit.

Several different times, I've tried to sort these socks, and several times I've had a certain amount of success. Over the years, I've donated countless socks we no longer used but still had plenty of life in them, I have thrown out socks that had holes in them or whose elastic would no longer hold them up, but I've always had baskets of socks that didn't have mates. I just knew that I'd eventually come across the mates, and then I could decide what to do with them, so I'd hang onto them.

At one point, I thought my problem had to do simply with a lack of organization and ability to sort them into certain groups. So about 6 years ago, I got several 2.5 gallon zippered storage bags, and I started sorting socks according to style and color. I had several of these bags to make it easier to find mates when I came across an unmated sock.

There were the solid colored dark socks, the solid colored light socks, the white anklet socks, the white longer socks, the white socks that had patterns on them, the colored socks with patterns on them, the little girls' white anklets with lace around the top, the little girls' colored anklets with lace around the top and baby socks.

It did help to a degree. When I'd find a sock that needed to find a mate I always knew where to look. But it was time consuming, and it was a pain to find a place to keep the bags, and then the girls would get in the bags when they were bored and were looking for something to play with, and they'd end up all over the laundry room or the basement. I know that I threw a couple of the bags away when the basement flooded. They had socks in them that had gotten wet, but I knew I didn't have the time to deal with trying to disinfect them, so I threw them out.

Over the course of the last couple weeks while I've been trying to rewash the enormous amounts of laundry that had been put in Hopper's room when the basement flooded, I've come across a lot of socks. So many socks that when I sat down to sort this morning, I had 3 laundry baskets full of socks.

That's a lot of socks.

I threw over half a basket of socks away while sorting. These were mainly socks that I knew we'd never wear again even, if I were to find the mates. I sorted not quite half a basket and saved them for the girls to wear, although I'll be going through these periodically and getting rid of them more frequently than I have in the past. And I got about a basketful ready to donate. At the end of about an hour of sorting, I had about 3/4 of a basket of socks that have no mates.

I saved only those socks that have no mates, because I believe I'll come across the mates when cleaning out the pod or the garage and while finishing up the dehoarding. Eventually, I'll find all the mates that are out there to find. Once I find all the mates that are to be found, I will throw the unmated socks in the trash, and I'll donate the vast majority of socks to people who can use them.

And while this may not seem like progress to anyone but me, I'm thrilled. Because there is a definite end in sight to the baskets of socks in our house. Because this is the most progress I've made in 9 years to get rid of the excess socks.

Because now I know I can do it.

Clarity

Yay for finishing antibiotics. My head is clearing, and I seem to be thinking more clearly. I'm so thankful! I'm feeling a bit better physically today, too, so I'm very hopeful for next week and how I'll be feeling then.

I was able to work on laundry yesterday and today. I didn't count how many loads I did, but I'd guess it was about 10. I'm satisfied with that. I also got most all of them sorted and was able to part with things that I've struggled with for years. The clarity was finally back today, so the decision making was much easier. I was able to get 7 bags of clothes ready to donate, and I think there's probably another full bag in the dryer.

I still struggle with making certain decisions, though. For example, when Scooter had back surgery almost 4 years ago, she needed to wear a custom made brace for several months. The brace was hot and uncomfortable, so we bought little undershirts for her to wear underneath to help keep her more comfortable. I gave most of them away a few years ago, but I did keep a few, because they come in handy. They're nice in cold weather or for her to wear under a shirt like a camisole.

Because the undershirts were between her and the brace, they were somewhat protected from wear and tear, so they still look like new. Except for one. Overall, it still looks brand new. However, it has rust stains on it. I'm not sure where the rust came from, but it very well could be from the washing machine itself. We've had problems with rust in the washer over the years. This particular undershirt has had the rust stain almost as long as we've had it.

I've struggled for 4 years as to what to do with it.

I couldn't bring myself to have her wear it under her brace, because of the stain. I was afraid someone else might see it and judge me a horrible mother, because I let her wear something stained. I also couldn't bring myself to throw it away, because it still has so much life in it. I couldn't send it to the thrift store. They wouldn't be able to sell it. I've decided to cut it into pieces to use as rags. I'd rather have it as a rag than throw it away, because we can always use another rag, and eventually it will be thrown anyway. At least this way it will get a little use and 4 years of struggling are finally over.

I was also able to bring myself to throw away some clothing that I realized nobody will ever wear, because it's either stained or not worth mending and that won't work for rags. Things that come to mind are Scooter's favorite pair of leggings that she wore so much the was a huge hole in the behind. In fact, one leg had gone completely through the leg when I took them out of the wash. She's pretty much forgotten about them, so I tossed them without her knowing.

There were other pieces of clothing I've had waiting in the wings for me to make a decision about for years that I finally got around to today. The thrift store is going to be getting a lot of little girls' hats and purses in the next few days, and my load will be so much lighter as a result.

I also got a good start on painting the table tops white. I sanded them well yesterday and got the 1st coat of paint on them today. The 2nd coat will either be applied tomorrow or Sunday. I'm hoping 2 coats will be enough, but I'm prepared to put a 3rd coat on later in the week, if need be.

I'm just thrilled to have finally had a couple of productive days complete with little breakthroughs after what feels like an eternity of not being able to do anything. I look forward to seeing what the weekend brings.