I'll Take "A Side of Frozen Claustrophobia in Limbo Land" for the win, Alex.

Christmas came late this year for us. Or really early. I guess it depends on how you look at it. We were all finally feeling well enough to celebrate Christmas in mid-February. We still have our tree up, because we have to get a couple of pictures of Baby Bug with some cute little paintings we made for her parents with her hand and footprints. It will be good to get the tree down soon. I'm starting to feel claustrophobic. We will have Baby Bug over tomorrow, so we will get it down this weekend.

The bad thing is that I've been feeling a bit more claustrophobic in the house lately. 

The good thing is that I've been feeling a bit more claustrophobic in the house lately.

As much as I hate the discomfort of the feeling, it always leads to a surge of dehoarding, and I'm really beyond wanting to get it done! However, I'm far enough behind again that I'm feeling frozen. I just need to get moving. Once I do, I'll thaw out a bit and will start accomplishing things again. So tonight, I will make a master list of things that need to be done in the near future and another list for the not-so-distant future. Lists always make me feel better, because I feel like I know where to start. It gives me a visual of what I've accomplished when I mark something off the list. And yes. I've been known to add something I've accomplished to the list after I've done it. It's still a record, and it helps.

Hubster's Parkinson's has left him exhausted all the time. It doesn't help that we have been sick more often than not since October and had to cancel Christmas week after week after week. But now that we're all feeling better, I need to kick it into gear. It's so easy to let his exhaustion be contagious, but I can't afford to do that. 

I need to propel myself out of the Land of Limbo. 

Feeling Human...ish

It appears the steroids I'm taking are finally getting a good grip on things. I'm feeling closer to normal than I have in several weeks. I'm hoping this means I'll be able to start accomplishing something, since I've barely been able to do the basics the last few weeks. The house is a disaster, but it's been worse. 

Much worse. 

I'm going to work on getting the Christmas tree down today. It's times like this I'm thankful we didn't put much up this year. It will make it a breeze to put away. I'm sad though. One of the branches on our artificial tree broke sometime between us putting it away last year and putting it up this year. We're going to have to look for a new one next year, since we didn't get a chance to this year. We'll keep this around until it's time to put the tree up next year just in case we don't get around to buying a new one, but it will be out the door the moment we have a replacement. 

Once I get the Christmas decorations put away, I'll work on general cleaning in the house. It won't be much, but it is all I'm capable of at this point. That's okay. I refuse to stress over things. Stressing over things is what got me into this mess in the first place. 

And in the famous words of Scarlett O'Hara, "Tomorrow is another day."

The mind is willing...

but the flesh is weak.

Especially today. And yesterday. And this past week.

Hoping for a break from the asthma flare and the back spasms now that I'm done with the flu. I'm ready to get started!

Maybe watching Baby Bug tomorrow will pull the kink out of it! She will at least put a huge smile on my face!

It Was Nice Knowing You.

We've been through a lot these last 365, you and me. I hope you don't mind me moving on. It's not you. I promise.

I'm not complaining. At least I'm trying not to complain, but I really am ready for the new beginning that a new year promises. It gives me hope, and hope is what I need. 

I hope that things start to normalize for us a bit. 

I hope that the behavior therapists can help the girls and help us with the girls when they struggle with their emotions. 

I hope that we can figure out something that will help Hubster more with the Parkinson's, so he isn't so tired so much of the time.

I hope that we can figure out something to help the girls better with communication.

I hope that we can get a central air unit, so Hubster has a place to escape the heat this summer, since it kicked his butt last year.

I hope that I can make exercise a priority again.

I hope that I have the willpower not to drink that evil elixir that rhymes with Moctor Depper. 

I hope that now we have finished the clutter on the outside of the house, we can make headway on the clutter that is within. 

I hope that I can make it to my blog to post more often, because I find it therapeutic, and I miss it terribly. 

I hope that I can be silent, that I might hear His voice and abide in His love even more.

And I hope that each of you has a wonderful 2016!

Happy New Year!

Motoring

Four and a half years ago when I started this blog, after watching my first episode of Hoaders, I remember looking for other hoarding blogs. I know I've written about it once or twice and how disappointing it was that they didn't keep up with their blogging. It made me think that perhaps they weren't successful with dehoarding their homes and getting their lives back together. Had they stopped blogging, because they had fallen off the wagon, so to speak, and were just embarrassed to come back and admit it? It saddened and concerned me. It made me wonder, if I'd ever be able to get it all done myself. 

It didn't dawn on me that perhaps blogging got to be too much for those who had started their journeys and that life won out. At least it didn't dawn on me until it happened to me.

The last several months have been full of, well, life. That, and my computer died on me. So I'm actually borrowing Bugster's computer for the day, so I could peruse the internet for awhile and drop by for a quick blog post.

Since Hubster had his gallbladder out back in March, our lives have been filled with all sorts of everything. 

Scooter's had some health issues that caused liver and spleen enlargement, (We never did find out the cause, but she's doing much better now.), she graduated from high school, and she's now going to her day program 5 days a week, and is thrilled she didn't have to start school last week with the rest of the students in the district! 

Hopper has done very well. A year ago, we took her in for a surgery consultation. The doctor was willing to do the surgery, but she wanted Hopper to lose some weight, so the insurance company would be more willing to approve the surgery. She's lost 29 pounds, (12 of which she'd gained in the previous year due to some medication she was taking), and the surgery is a go. We just barely got approval for it a few weeks ago, but we are beyond thrilled that she will be able to have this surgery! It will be life-changing for her. The downside of this is that her anxiety is quite high while she awaits the surgery scheduled for the end of October. 

I definitely added to her stress level. The last 2 weeks of July, I was in class for 8 hours a day to become a CNA. Hopper doesn't do well at all with change, so for me to not be home during the day was very difficult for her, in spite of the fact that I was always here with the girls in the evenings. The days were long, though. The girls' hours were extended at the day program for those 2 weeks, and it just took its toll. It was wonderful getting out of the house, being back in the school setting, and meeting people, but it was also exhausting. Still, I would do it all again in a heartbeat! 

Unfortunately, it's brought out the worst in my fibromyalgia. I've been in the worst flare I've had since I was diagnosed with it 6 years ago. It doesn't help that I ran out of some of the things that help when it gets out of control. Thankfully, they should be here tomorrow, so I will, hopefully, be fully functioning again soon. And thankfully, we haven't had any major wildfires this year, so my asthma is under much better control than it was a year ago. I'm still on a small amount of daily oral steroids, but I should be done with them shortly, so things are looking up.

I'm looking forward to taking my state test, so I can get my license and be hired on to be the girls official caretaker. It will be really odd to have an income for the first time in our 28 year marriage. It's not that I wasn't allowed to work outside the home. Hubster's not like that. I'm not, either. If he had said that he didn't allow me to work outside the home, my first stop would have been to flood the market with job applications. But I can't think of a single job where I'd have been able to call in and say, "Yeah. I need the next 3 weeks off... Hopper and Scooter have another cold." So this will be a life-changing thing for our family, and I'm looking forward to the freedom it will allow us.

Now to answer my original question. Have I left my blog, because I'd fallen off the dehoarding wagon and was too embarrassed to admit it, or has life just been overly full?

I'd like to think it's mostly that life just got in the way. While the dehoarding has taken a backseat to life, it's still in the car, and we're still putting along.

I'm Going Back to School.

Kind of.




I'm doing homework again. The other day, I started watching Hoarders all over again, starting with season 1. I realized I've been slipping into some of my old hoarding behaviors, and I just don't want to go backwards. I think the habits may be surfacing due to stress, but I'm not entirely sure. I know that my dehoarding has definitely slowed over the last few years, but the last few years have been very stressful, too. And while the dehoarding had slowed down, I wasn't actively hoarding anything. I just wasn't getting rid of things like I had been there for awhile.


But last week things changed.

I'd gotten the last yogurt out of the case, and as I was tearing the box up to fit it in the trash I noticed that there were Box Tops for Education on the carton. I know I've got a gallon bag of them floating around the house somewhere, and I know that they could bring in a few dollars for a local school, so I figured I'd start saving them again. So I tore them off the carton and figured I'd just go back and trim them down with scissors, so they'd be neat. That old perfectionism thing rearing it's ugly head once again. 

But when I'd torn the one off the carton, I'd torn the corner of the BTFE off. If I was going to trim them to be neat, I'd also need to tape that one back together. So I just tossed them on the counter with the thought of getting the scissors and going back to them right away. But then the phone rang, or I had to help one of the girls or something else took my attention, and I forgot about getting the scissors. I'd remember the scissors every time I went in the kitchen, but I'd never actually get the scissors. So they just sat there. For a week. And in that week, I noticed every other BTFE on every other item we buy that carries them. And I found myself searching them out with my eyes, so I would remember which products had them, so I wouldn't forget to cut them off and save them.  

And I found myself getting stressed over it, because I noticed some of them had expiration dates on them. And what would I do, if I spent time to save them up and then dropped the ball by letting them expire. And was it worth it in the long run? Yeah. I think they're probably worth it for someone who doesn't have a hoarding problem, but I realized it wasn't worth it for me. Heck. After this year, we won't even have anyone in school anymore. So after a full week of it sitting on the counter calling me names, and calling my name, and making me feel guilty for not getting the scissors and tape, I gave myself permission to throw the Box Tops For Education in the trash. I gave myself permission to not be responsible for saving the local school through little coupons on boxes. 

Twas small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

But while I was basking in the glow of snatching that small victory from the jaws of defeat, I was snapped out of a fog that I hadn't even realized had descended upon me. I noticed a light bulb I'd set aside last week when I changed the one that had burned out. I'd seen a couple of cute little crafts using old light bulbs that I thought would be fun to do when I ran across them, and I'd set the bulb aside. You know. For when I could get to it in my spare time. I mean, I could make all sorts of adorable Christmas ornaments out of them, but the one I really thought was inventive was where you take the filament out of the bulb and turn it into a vase. Cute!

And then I realized I didn't have just one light bulb set aside. I had 3 of them that had burned out at roughly the same time. Except one was on my kitchen counter, and was on the big television armoire we'd turned into a pantry a few months ago. And all of the sudden, I saw really sharp shards of glass cutting Hopper and Scooter, and I decided that light bulb crafts are not in my near future. They take up too much space to save at this time, so they're gone. If Bugster wants them for crafting, she can have them and can pick them up this weekend. If she doesn't, they will go in the trash. 

And then, out of the blue, I remembered the laundry basket of unmated socks that was still sitting downstairs waiting for me. It's been waiting for me for 3 years. That's long enough. So I tossed my hoarding issues aside and went through the basket. I found about a dozen pair of socks, saved a few socks that we'd purchased relatively recently that I knew the other half of the pair was around somewhere, and then I threw the rest in the garbage.  I think there had to have been between 150 and 200 single socks in there. I didn't take the time to count. 

There were 2 socks - 1pink, 1 light green - that still felt new, and soft, and unworn, but I didn't remember when we'd gotten them. There were actually 3 different colors, but I'd found one full pair of blue ones, and for some reason, I didn't keep the 2 singles. I tossed them out with the others. And wouldn't you know it, but a few hours later, I came across the other pink sock under a piece of furniture in Scooter's room. 

Crap.

I knew I could go out to the garbage and retrieve the mate and nobody else would ever even know. Besides, I knew it was the last thing I'd put in the bag, so the sock would be right on top. And just like the Christmas tree tin that called my name from the trash that cold winter night over 4  years ago, the little pink sock was trying to get my attention. From outside. In the trash can. 

:::sigh:::

I've been fighting the urge to dig the little pink sock out of the trash and reunite it with its mate for the better part of the day. It was so unfamiliar to once again feel those physical symptoms I felt that night 4 years ago when I threw that tin away. And then I remembered that it was just a crew sock. And Scooter doesn't like that length of sock nearly as much as she likes knee socks. And she has plenty of socks in both lengths. And I realized that we can always buy another pair, if she needs some. I mean it's not like it would bankrupt us.

Besides. I need to do the homework. It's worth the cost of a pair of socks or two, and it's way cheaper than therapy. I just don't want to slide backwards down that slippery slope I so carefully climbed a few years ago. 

Granted, I still have a long way to go before our home is completely dehoarded, but I'll get there one day. 

I just have to do my homework.

Looking for that rainbow.

Had a bit of good news/bad news this week.

Good news: Hubster's hours are going to change again. Instead of working 12 days on, 2 days off, he'll go back to having weekends off and working 5 days a week. We can handle that. In fact, we'll really, really enjoy it! The 12 on/ 2 off schedule was a bear, and I don't know, if we would have ever gotten completely used to it. I'm glad it has come to its official end.

Bad news: Hubster has been sick the last few days. He was in pain all night long Tuesday night and ended up going to the doctor on Wednesday morning to find out what was going on. He'd been in 2 other times to talk about it, but they diagnosed him with reflux and sent him on his way. I figured a couple of months ago it was his gallbladder.

Good news: It is his gallbladder. I know. That doesn't sound like good news, but we think it is. It means there will be an end in sight for the pain he's been going through. He goes in Monday to get a referral to a surgeon and discuss his bloodwork. He's going to feel SO much better once he has the surgery! Now to get it scheduled.

Bad news: Hubster woke up with a fever yesterday and again today, so he had to miss work again. 

Good news: Hubster woke up with a fever yesterday and again today, so we have gotten to see more of him in the last few days than we have in the last month! 

Good news: Finally got the MRI done on Hopper that is required before she has surgery. 

Bad news: The person who read the MRI commented as though she's already had the surgery, and we have to get that corrected. She hasn't had surgery yet, and we don't want his mistake to keep the insurance company from approving her much needed operation!

Good news: The antibiotics the doctor put me on seem to be helping, and I'm feeling better than I have in quite awhile.

Even better news: I'm not having any sort of allergic reaction to the antibiotic. That's a nice change. 

Bad news: I have so much to do I don't know where to start.

Good news: That's not really true. I've started a list...

 

They really DO exist!

In spite of the fact that I am feeling better than I have in well over a week, I'm getting a bit tired of the nightly visits from the Phlegm Phaeries. And while I have not personally seen them during their visits, I can attest to the fact that they do exist.

From what I've ascertained, they have magical bags of phlegm that they carry around-much like Santa's magic bag of toys. No matter how much phlegm they loosen from its insides and pass around, the bag never seems to lose any of it's ooey gooey grossness. And one thing's for sure, those Phlegm Phaeries are generous to a fault! They just give, and give, and give. 

I'm pretty sure mine is a Phlegm Phaerie in Training, though. In her exuberance to impress the Phlegm Pharaoh with her skills, she's accidentally gone overboard and given me more than she was supposed to. I'm hoping he notices soon and gives her the proverbial boot.

You know. 

Before I give her the phinger.

Gurgling along.

My lungs sort of sound like Snap, Crackle, and Pop are in there trying to catch the herd of frogs that crawled in there to die. Stupid wheezing. 

Scooter had a much better day today than she did yesterday. Awhile ago, Hubster got Hopper and Scooter some used field jacket liners like the one he uses all the time, because they'd steal his and wouldn't want to give it back. They love them, but the liners look so much alike, they often grab the wrong one. So for a little Valentine's surprise, I took an old scrap of fabric and went all Laverne and Shirley on them.

I made a huge heart-shaped pocket on the right side, and then I cut out the initial of their first names and sewed them on the left breast. Hubster put the little heart shaped box of candy he'd bought them in the heart pockets, and tossed in a small box of conversation hearts. We left them on the couch, so the girls would see them first thing in the morning. They were thrilled with them, and Scooter wore hers most of the day.

Scooter was in a great mood all day and 'sang' and 'danced' all morning. Because Scooter is completely nonverbal, she doesn't actually sing, but don't tell her that! When she's panting in rhythm and tapping her foot, (especially while standing!), she's singing and dancing. And she was singing, dancing, and grinning from ear to ear most of her waking hours today, which was such a nice change after yesterday!

Hopper's day didn't go quite as smoothly. She had a bit of a meltdown, and we're not exactly sure why. She had a panic attack over Hubster changing from his thick wool long johns to a lighter weight pair. We have never figured out, (other than her OCD), why his long johns and running gear set off panic attacks and meltdowns, but it absolutely kills us that we can't seem to help her. Thankfully, medication does help some, but it still doesn't prevent it completely, and it breaks our hearts. Panic attacks and anxiety are hard enough to handle when you are capable of knowing what they are. They're doubly hard when you don't understand what's happening, and that they'll eventually go away. She was fine after Hubster left for work, but I'm sad she had to go through it at all.

I'm hoping the weekend is a bit more restful for all of us, since we're fighting off this crud. We need as much rest as we can get. Hopper seems to have already seen the worst of it and is on the mend, but Scooter and I have a ways to go. 

Hopefully, we can sing and dance our way through it.

Of Dying Frogs and Honey.

Lately, I've had the worst time trying to concentrate. It's as though someone is sitting on the remote that controls my thoughts and their butt is sitting squarely on the + button causing the channels to change at a dizzying pace, all the while an elephant sits squarely on my chest making breathing close to an impossibility. I have to remind myself that the elephant will eventually get bored and will move on, but for now nebulizers are the only thing that helps, and they don't last nearly as long as I'd like them to. This junk that Hopper brought home and decided to so generously share with Scooter, Hubster and me is awful. I'm hoping the stupid elephant clears out soon and takes whoever is sitting on the remote with him. 

The last few days, I've worked on things that are on my master list that don't take too much energy. I've mended, altered, and added new elastic to a dozen or so of Scooter's skirts. She's thrilled, because she absolutely adores skirts, but I really do need to get it finished up soon, so I can reclaim the kitchen table for meals once again. It's harder to get anything done with the girls home sick, but ...(this sentence was interrupted by the need to clean up the remains of a wall plaque my parents got me that was broken by Scooter in a fit of irritation)...I'm hoping to finish them up tonight when they finally go to bed.

I feel horrible that I made Scooter feel bad about breaking it when I yelled at her. She has this habit of intentionally breaking things when she's not happy. She's done everything from chucking dishes across the room to bending/tearing toys in two, to ripping her necklaces and bracelets that she absolutely loves into pieces when she's angry. It's been very frustrating for all of us. She also has a habit of going over to a hanging plant we have in the living room and pushing it so it swings when she's irritated. And I don't think Scooter broke the plaque on purpose, but I think she figured she'd make it swing like she makes the plant swing back and forth when she's mad. To be fair, she isn't feeling well today, but I really do wish there was a way we could curb this behavior. We've been dealing with it for 20 years now, and although she's gotten better and not doing it all the time, she still can wreak havoc when she's riled. She apparently has her mama's temper from what I understand. 

My younger self pleads the fifth at the mere suggestion.

When I talked to Bugster the other day, she said I sounded like a dying frog. I feel like one, too. And the only thing that seems to quell the cough is honey. 

So I'm off to feed the frog.

Busy. Busy. Busy.

I can't believe it's been 2 months since I've posted on my blog. I remember when I first started blogging I thought I'd never be one of those bloggers who waited so long to write a post. Ha. It's funny how life can get in the way of blogging.

Thankfully, I just have a really sensitive sense of smell, and my blood sugar was not very elevated back in August when I had it checked. My fasting glucose test was totally normal, and my A1C was at borderline pre-diabetic levels, and I'm sure it's gone down since then. Still, it was a much-needed wake-up call! We've made drastic changes to our diet because of it, and we're starting to see some really positive results.

While my asthma still is not under control, it is finally responding to the new medicines I'm on, and I've been able to start tapering the steroids. I am so very thankful! I'm down to half the daily amount I started on back in June, and I'm hoping to be off them entirely by Christmas. And the number of breathing treatments I've needed has dropped by more than half. At the peak of the fires this summer, I was doing 7 a day. I'm now down to 3. It's progress for which I'm very grateful!

We've been busy with medical appointments for the girls. We've averaged 3 to 4 appointments a week since the last blog entry. The only break we had in appointments was after Hopper had surgery a couple of weeks ago. It doesn't look like things are going to slow down much on the medical front before the end of the year. We've already got another surgery scheduled and another one that we'll be scheduling next week. I'm glad the girls are getting the medical treatment they need, but I'm looking forward to a break in the action. I'm tired. 

I haven't done a lot of active dehoarding in the last few months, but I have no doubt that will come in time. I've had bigger things on my mind. The whole blood sugar scare, along with one surgeon wanting Hopper to lose some weight, so she can have a major surgery sometime next year has really opened our eyes to the way we were eating. We're now making a very concentrated effort to eat as healthily as we can. As a result, we've all lost a little weight. I'm down 15 pounds to date, Hubster is down 18, Hopper has lost 5 and Scooter has lost a couple, although she had the least amount to lose. And the best thing is that we've all been healthier than typical for this time of year. Yay for fruits and veggies!

Speaking of which, I've got about 40 pounds of tomatoes from the garden that need to be processed. I already canned several pints of Tomato Basil Sauce that is amazing, but now I need to make some salsa and can it, some more sauce and some whole tomatoes to use this winter. Even though our tomatoes didn't do as well as they did last year, I'm thrilled that we'll have such yummy goodness from the garden all winter long!

I'm hoping to get back to some serious dehoarding one of these days as life slows down a little. I'm also hoping to get back to more regular blogging. I miss it. And now that we no longer need to have the air conditioner on, (it is just feet away from the computer), I can actually sit at the computer without freezing.

There's something to be said for good weather blogging.

Imagine, If You Will, A Sugar Glider In A Maple Syrup Bath House.

About 12 years ago, someone gave us 3 sugar gliders, because they could no longer keep them as pets. Technically, they gave them to Bugster, but we all enjoyed them. Imagine a small squirrel - a baby squirrel works well. That's about the size of a sugar glider. All 3 of them could squeeze into the pocket on a button up shirt. Granted, they had to cram themselves into the pocket to all fit, but they loved each other and made it work. Besides. They're social little creatures and like to snuggle. 

We enjoyed them for the time we had them. They would 'fly' from one person to the other, if the second person had a treat for them. And they were great little insectivores! They'd actually grab miller moths out of the air and eat them like a cob of corn. It was fun to watch, because, well, the miller moths got what they deserved.

They really were neat little things, but we only had them for about six months before we realized we couldn't keep them anymore. The smell was overwhelming. It's not that it was insanely unpleasant. They smelled like whatever they ate. So they smelled sweet like the strawberries, apples, oranges and other fruit that they ate. Well, except for miller moths. Well, except that they probably would have smelled like miller moths, if they'd eaten enough, and well, miller moths aren't fruit. So there's that.

And while the smell wasn't too bad one whiff at a time, it was sickeningly sweet, if you were around it for any length of time. Because everything they ever came in contact with picked up their smell. Their bedding. The cloth over the cage kept it dark and warm enough for them to sleep. The couch that was sitting a bit too close to the cage. The walls where they'd spray the moment that you wiped the walls down. Again. It didn't take long for the smell to permeate every thought, every dream and every nose hair in existence. 

So yeah. We had to get rid of them. 

And I haven't thought of them for years. But in the last week or two, they've been on my mind a lot. I could almost swear I was smelling them in my sleep again. Except that I wasn't. I was smelling myself. 

Ok. So that came out wrong. Really, really wrong.

But I really did smell like the sugar gliders did. Only like they'd taken a bath in maple syrup before they ate the miller moths. The smell was a little more subdued, but it still reminded me of them. And I realized I recognized the smell. I remember thinking it was odd when Scooter would smell faintly sweet like that when she was little and was on steroids for her asthma.

And let me see. Yep. I'm still on prednisone. I haven't been able to start the step down on the dosage yet, because my asthma is still that out of control. 

And then I remembered something that I tucked away in the back of my mind for a good 12 to 14 years. I was in a homeschool chat years ago when a regular came in and told us about her harrowing experience with her daughter. She said that her daughter came in complaining of thirst and ended up drinking 2 gallons of milk in the span of less than an hour. And when she realized it, she got her daughter, (who smelled sweet), to the hospital immediately. She was in a diabetic crisis and was on the verge of going into a diabetic coma.

And then after a talk with a friend, I knew I needed to look into the connection between steroids and blood sugar and smelling sweet. Turns out that prednisone can induce diabetes. Great. Granted, it can reverse itself once the prednisone is stopped, and that is likely what happened with Scooter when she was little, since she doesn't have diabetes. But it can also be a permanent situation. 

I went in to the asthma and allergy doc yesterday. He ordered a fasting blood glucose test and an A1c to see, if I am indeed diabetic. In the meantime, I'm doing my best to cut all sugar from my diet. It already has seemed to help. I didn't wake up at all last night from dreams of sugar gliders picking miller moths out of the air to munch, because the smell wasn't there. And I haven't had the headaches I was starting to get that seemed to go hand in hand with the smell. I will miss my morning caffeine-laden soda that I've come to depend upon, but I will not drink anymore. The last thing I need to do is end up with permanent diabetes, because I couldn't say no. If I feel like I desperately need caffeine to help with my breathing, I'll make myself a cuppa tea. 

In the meantime, the doc told me yesterday that he's concerned that I haven't been able to decrease the amount of steroids I'm taking. My asthma should be responding better to the meds I've been on, and my lung function test should have been better than it was yesterday given the small pharmacy I have at home. And I should not still be needing 4 to 6 nebulizers a day. 

So that new inhaled steroid my doctor put me on about a month ago? Yeah. He had me stop it and had me start yet another one. Technically, he had me start another two. I'm really hoping they kick in and help my breathing drastically. Because if they don't, there aren't a huge number of options left, and the one that's on the horizon sounds a little scary. It's an injection they give once or twice a month. It can cause heart attacks and strokes and anaphalaxis. To top it off, you have to fill a script for 2 epi pens before they even give you the first shot, and once you've started taking it, you must carry said epi pens around with you. Everywhere. 

The good news about it is that, when it works it works really, really well. And the percentage of people who have had the severe reactions are relatively small. And I could come off the prednisone and hopefully get my blood sugar back into normal ranges...and get my life back...and get back to dehoarding..and to painting bedrooms...and to getting more projects marked off my projects list..and....

and...

and the list goes on...

Brain matter.

Just when I was starting to feel better, Hubster brought something home from work and decided to share. Enter Cough, Cough, Whiz, Whiz Part Two. I've been sputtering and wheezing all week. Let's just say it's been a really, really long week. And I'm really, really thankful for the cough suppressant abilities of honey. It's the only thing that really even seems to work. Now I just have to heat the bottle up in some hot water, so I can get it to come out of the bottle again! Making a mental note to put it on the grocery list, so we're not out of it next time we get sick.

In spite of the fact that I feel worse in some ways, I am better. My mind is clearer than it's been in quite some time. But part of that is the brain spatter all over the hallway walls. 

Ok. It's not technically brain matter, but it feels like it in ways.

I took some legal sized card stock I've had for a few years and made several lists. I made a list for each of us, so I can make sure nothing slips through the cracks as far as our medical, dental and vision appointments. I also made a list of what I intend to do in Scooter's room when I get around to painting it and finally finishing it up. I have a lot of ideas, and I just don't want to forget any of them. I also have lists with other projects that I have on  my mind as well as a master list of gifts that I want to make and give. 

All in all, I have 7 or 8 lists hanging in the hallway. So far. And although it feels like my mind is exposed for all to see, I can't tell you what a huge relief it's been! By having them on the wall vs in a notebook, I see them every day, I won't lose them, and best of all, I can add to them, as I need to. In fact, I have a couple other lists floating around in my noggin that I need to get out, so I'm sure there will be a couple more hanging up by the end of the weekend.

Somehow getting the thoughts out on paper like that is so helpful. I know I'm not going to forget anything, and I'm no longer carrying it all around in my head. As a result, I have been able to get more done in the last week than I have in the last couple or three months! 

Now, if I can just get rid of this cold, I'll be golden!

Ok. So maybe not golden, but at least I won't be lead!

 

Of Slugs and Smoke and Asthma.

The smoke seemed to have cleared up a couple of weeks ago, but the asthma has remained. There is still a haze over the city to the point that it's often hard to see the mountains, so I think we're still getting smoke from out of town. The smoke just isn't settling into the valley like it had been awhile back, but I don't think the air quality is what it should be just yet. Maybe by the end of summer, if we don't get any more fires around here. Maybe.

The fires have had my asthma more out of control than it's been in years. At the height of my breathing issues this summer, I'd been doing 7 breathing treatments a day for a couple of weeks. That's a lot. Too many. But at least doing the treatments kept me out of the hospital. The treatments combined with the massive amounts of steroids I'm on, anyway. It's taken forever to see any major improvement in my breathing, but I am finally down to only 5 treatments a day again. Considering I started the breathing treatments at the end of May, I'm a little bit frustrated. I'm trying not to be, but it's hard not being able to do much of anything around the house. 

I've been a lethargic slug for weeks now. I can't seem to do much of anything without needing another breathing treatment, and it's sort of getting old. The house is a complete and utter mess, and I'm doing my best to not let it get to me. Needless to say, I'm not getting a lick of dehoarding done. I know it will come in time, and that I will be successful, but I want so badly to get to work on it. It's just that I can't right now.

I did go into the doctor this week. She changed up my inhaled steroid to a different one, hoping it will help. I was at the highest allowable dosage on the one I'd been using for years. Unfortunately, when a person is at the highest possible dose, and they go into a major asthma attack, it tends to be much worse than it would be at a smaller dose. So here's to hoping that the new steroid will kick in and make a difference, because this is the worst attack I've had since I was in respiratory failure almost 20 years ago. Not good. Not good at all.

We sprung for a new filter for our portable air cleaner and got it installed the same day I went to the doctor. Several years ago, someone gave us a really, really good air purifier. An Austin. They're super expensive. Over $500 expensive. And the filters are over $200. But, from the reviews, they're worth it. The filters can last up to 5 years, which is amazing in and of itself. If the filter doesn't last that long, you can get a discount of up to 40% on the replacement, so we felt it was worth it. 

The person who gave us this filter several years ago used it in her aviary. When we got it, there were feathers sticking out everywhere, and it was in bad shape. But I donned a mask and vacuumed it out where I could. Then I took the air compressor and sprayed the dust out of the HEPA air filter. It literally took a couple of hours to get it clean, but I felt I got it fairly clean. Clean enough that we used it off and on for several years. It's just that it's been putting off a nasty smell since we turned it on after the fires started up this year. It was just plain time to replace the thing. No ifs, ands or buts. So considering that we've used it for probably 8 years, and the only cost we put into it was the $214 for the filter this week, it's been a good thing.

Now I'm hoping for greatness from it. 

I feel better this morning that I have in quite awhile. I'm hoping I can decrease the number of treatments I have today, but we'll see. I had to go out for doctors' appointments 3 times this week, and that means I was exposed to anyone and everyone who had coughed or sneezed in the doctors' offices. I am just praying I don't end up getting sick with anything I may have been exposed to. Steroids greatly lower the body's immunity, so if I do get something, it could be serious. 

I really need to get some vitamins going again. Anything that can strengthen my immunity. In fact, I think I'm going to go order some now...

The sooner I get started on them the sooner I get well...
 

K Sare Ah. Sare Ah.

Wheezy.

Wheezy and snotty.

Wheezy and snotty and tired. 

Really, really tired. 

I'm trying to keep things together until our insurance kicks in 5 weeks from now. I have been fighting something, but I'm not exactly sure what it is. I think it's likely just allergies, but whatever it is has decided to play games with my asthma. Stupid whatever it is. And it's not that I'd necessarily go to the doctor even, if we did have insurance. It's just that I'm trying to keep things together, so it doesn't get so bad I have no choice but to go in. That's all. It just feels weird to be without insurance for the first time in almost 20 years. I think I just sort of took it for granted when we did have it and assumed it would always be there.

Needless to say, I'll be happy to see the insurance cards come in the mail when the time is right.

I have slowly but surely getting my mental energy back. The physical energy is coming along bit by bit as well, but I have to admit that I look forward to being able to being able to put in a full day's work more often than I have been without being totally worn out for the following few days. I need to get back into taking my vitamins more regularly. I sort of got off track back in February when I had my second tonsillectomy, and my train is still derailed.

I do have to admit that part of the fatigue today has to do with the events of the weekend. We finally got the second raised garden bed in the backyard built last weekend, and we got it all filled with the good soil and manure and compost and such yesterday. So now my tomatoes and peppers are all planted! I'm so excited!

I still want to get the pallet garden done, so we can have lettuce and spinach and peas and such, but at this point, I honestly think I'll be okay, if it doesn't happen. I mean, I'd really, really like to get it done, so I haven't ruled it out just yet. I just don't know, if it will happen this year or not. 

Whatever will be, and all, right?

I wonder how much overwhelmed weighs.

So I've been busy not being busy. Well. Sort of. I've been busy selling some stuff on eBay for a little lady who just lost her house to foreclosure. She needs the money, and frankly, so do I, and I am not doing this for free. Still, it's taken quite a bit of my time, and I've found I've neglected other things that I really should be working on. 

It wouldn't be so difficult, if I hadn't had to relearn how to sell on eBay. I've been away for long enough that almost everything had changed. I'm tempted to open up an eBay store, because I could list up to 2500 items per month for free, where now I can only list 50 for free. It costs about $15 a month for the store, but where listing fees start at 30 cents a pop after the first 50 being free, it would only take 50 listings to get my money back. It makes sense financially, and if I could just get them all listed at the same time, instead of having to wait for days where they have offers for free listings, it could save me a lot of time. I'll probably kick it around for a couple more days and then end up opening a store. :::shrug::: It will either happen, or it won't.

I've been dealing with back spasms in my lower back the last couple of weeks, so that's been fun. Even though it's been on the verge of spasming again today, I threw caution to the wind and worked outside a bit. I need a lot of bits to get anything accomplished, though. The front yard is a disaster after having it dug up for the sewer line replacement back in February. The backyard is a disaster full of downed trees that need cut, split, and stacked, so we can sell it this fall to someone who has a fireplace. Either that, or we need to just get someone back there who will do it for the free firewood.  Then the garden dreams I dream each night have to find their way into the plans, too. 

I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed. We have a ton to do, but we've also gotten a ton done. Let me rephrase that...we have at least a couple dozen tons to do, but we've gotten a ton done. I just have to remember that the ton we've already finished was finished one pound at a time. 

Off to go do a few ounces worth of work and trying not to calculate how many ounces there are in a ton. 

The Mind is Willing, But The Body Done Gave Out.

To say I was frustrated would be an understatement. I am desperately wanting to get back into the groove of dehoarding and getting things out the door, but my body does not seem to approve this message. 

The pain medicine is attempting to kick in, but it's not really trying that hard yet. So far, it's just making me sleepy. When it gets like this, it's uncomfortable for me to sit, lie down, or to stand. The pain in my hips and lower back makes it nearly impossible to concentrate, yet the pain medicine makes concentrating just as difficult. If I'm lucky, I have about an hour a day    where I'm able to function almost normally, if I have to take prescription pain meds. OTC stuff doesn't even touch it.

Needless to say, I'm struggling to keep up with the day to day of housecleaning, laundry and meals. We won't even mention the taxes that need to be done or the other important paperwork that screams at me each time I walk by pretending I don't hear it.

Stupid antibiotic. If it weren't for the fact that it is one of only a couple I can take, I'd never take it again. Don't get me wrong. It does a great job of eradicating the infection, but it comes at such a high cost. Hopefully, I won't need antibiotics again now that my tonsils are no longer there and the infection is gone.

Hopefully.

Got Milk? I Wish!

You know what they say...."When God closes a door, He opens a window."? Let me just say that God is amazing!

The 3 weeks since Hubster was laid off have been...well...good. 

Hubster applied for a job the Monday after he was laid off and got the job. It was quite the pay cut compared to what he was making before, since he has to start over from scratch, but we'll manage. We're just very thankful that he already has a job and that he's working for someone who values him and his work ethic. In fact, the new boss has been trying to get him to come to work for him for years, so it's a really good fit.

It's also a lot less stressful a work environment than what he's been dealing with for the last 13 years. As a result, it's the least stressed I've seen my husband in years. The result of him being less stressed out translates into the girls being less stressed, and an extension of that is that I'm less stressed, too. It's as though a huge boulder has been lifted from our shoulders.

There's been other stressful stuff happening around the homestead that I can't talk about on my blog. It doesn't involve anything with any of us, but it has affected our lives. Thankfully, it's mostly resolved. Only time will tell how it ends in the long run, but we're hopeful that justice will be served.

I had to start on a second antibiotic for the strep, since the first one didn't take care of it like it should have. I am finally starting to regain my health, but I really wish I hadn't had to take this other antibiotic. It makes me hurt from head to toe. I found out that dairy can apparently exacerbate the reaction. This must be a new warning. I'd never seen it before this prescription, and in fact, I have always taken it with a full glass of milk. :::insert eye roll here:::

Needless to say, I've stayed completely away from dairy. It's helped a lot. My arms haven't ached from my elbows to my fingertips this time, and my ankles have kept me up at night. However, this time my hips have really bothered me. And I've really, really, really missed milk. And cheese. And the occasional cup of ice cream. 

I'm going to stay off dairy for a bit longer just to make sure the antibiotic has time to pass through my system a bit more before starting it up again. I don't want the hurt locker to become my home. 

So that's about it for an update. I'm hoping to get back into some sort of schedule of blogging, dehoarding, walking more regularly soon. I've been totally thrown off track with all that's been going on, but it's a process, and I will get there. 

I'm off to bed to dream of the Land of Milk and Cheese. 

Have a glass for me!

Will a tonsillectomy cure the hiccups?

I can't believe it's been over a month since I last posted! So much has happened in the last 5 weeks, and yet it feels as though nothing has happened at all. It's just sort of a blur.

We woke up the day before Thanksgiving with a horrible cold. Within a few days, it had moved into our chests, which resulted in nebulizer treatments, fever, chills and exhaustion. Scooter ended up with an infected ear to go with her sinus infections, and I ended up with another abscess on the back of my throat. 

Antibiotics and oral steroids followed by a second course of antibiotics and IV steroids, and I'm finally free of the infection in my throat. But I have not been able to warm up the last couple of days, so I'm really hoping I'm not coming down with something else. In the meantime, I'm scheduled for a second tonsillectomy in mid-January. Once is usually enough, but a small portion, (about the size of my small fingernail), of my tonsil grew back, and it's what is causing the repeated abscesses. It just needs to go. 

The day after Thanksgiving, Frank twisted his ankle while he was playing Extreme Frisbee in the park with his friends. He severely sprained it and has only been able to put weight on it in the last week. We thought for sure he was going to have to have surgery to fix it, but since he got the right kind of boot on his foot, it seems to be healing much more quickly. I know he's more than ready to be done with it all and to get back to walking without pain. 

Thankfully, the health issues we've had have been nothing but hiccups. They're not going to kill us. They're just a little annoying and last longer than we'd like. 

You know. Sort of like laundry.

I hope each of you had a Blessed Thanksgiving and Christmas! And in case I'm not back here before 2013, I wish you all a New Year full of the Lord's blessings!

Bzzzz

We've been busy the last week or so. 

Hubster took last week off, so we could work in the backyard and cut down trees. Hah. You know the saying about your eyes being bigger than your stomach? Yeah. Well, our want to was bigger than our can do. 

The first half of the week was hot enough that we struggled with getting overheated while we were working on getting the apple tree down. Then a cold front kicked in, and we had a hard freeze with a couple of dreadfully cold days that followed. Needless to say, we didn't get nearly as much done as we'd wanted. However, we did at least get the majority of the apple tree down, and we got the apples that the worms, squirrels and hail didn't get harvested as well. We had to be happy with that, and we were. 

Of all the trees that need to be cut down in the backyard, the apple tree was the one that was the biggest priority. The branches were long enough we were afraid of one taking down the power lines in a windstorm. That would not have been good. Thankfully, Hubster was able to cut pieces of the branches off before getting to the bulk of each branch, so the power lines were never in jeopardy. 

He was at one point, though. For whatever reason, I hadn't thought of taking before and after pictures until there was only on major branch left on the tree. I figured I'd at least get a few pictures of him chopping that last upright branch down when I heard, "Crap! Jude! Help me!"

He was losing the grip on the chainsaw, and the ladder was starting to move. So the last picture I took shows the camera being set down in a hurry. I was able to get the chainsaw and set it down just in time to grab the ladder and keep it as steady as I could while he clung to the tree and kept himself from falling. He wouldn't have fallen far. His feet were only about 5 feet off the ground. But he'd have fallen on some rather sharp parts of the tree that had broken off before and were vertical, jagged spears that would have impaled him, had he fallen. 

While Hubster was working on the apple tree, Hopper and I were harvesting all the tomatoes we could. There were still quite a few left that were on the verge of ripening as well as lots of green ones of various sizes. We brought them all in the house, covered the peppers and lettuce up and came inside. We were done. I didn't want to take a chance on losing the tomatoes to a hard freeze, but the peppers were all so small I didn't care, if they were lost to the cold or not. Thankfully, they stayed warm enough with the frost blanket and plastic that covered them, and they will hopefully get some size before the next hard freeze comes along. There are still about a dozen peppers out there, and I'm so looking forward to enjoying them!

I've got to get busy with the apples in the next couple of days. I need to wash, core, peel and slice a bunch to put in the freezer for apple pies this winter. I'd like to make some apple butter, too. I just don't want them to go to waste. We figured we'd save some of the seeds to see, if we can get a tree going. These are such good tasting apples, that it would be a shame to not have any in the future. 

I'm tired tonight but I'm feeling the best I have in months. I feel like I'm getting back in a groove and will be able to get back to dehoarding in earnest, if I can just get the girls' health back on track. They've both got some nasty cough and congestion. Taking Scooter into the doctor tomorrow. It makes us a little nervous after her bout last year with pneumonia. 

I'm thinking the best way for me to deal with it is to get enough sleep myself, so I'm heading off to bed. I've got a long day planned for tomorrow.