BFHF!

I haven't been purposely staying away from the computer, but I just haven't been online much lately. I find that I've been staying busy with family, doctors' appointments, tomatoes, apples, and dehoarding. You know. Life.

When I finally slow down and come to a stop for the day, I fall into a deep, deep sleep. It's rare that I have enough mental energy at the end of each day to check email let alone write a blog post, and I've been okay with that. I honestly feel the best I've felt in months. Maybe even years. 

I've been making progress with dehoarding here and there. I've even tackled some jobs I've been putting off for years...

Several years ago, there was a local company that went out of business that manufactured craft paints. They donated the leftover paints to the thrift stores, and we happened upon them. The price couldn't be beat. They were bagged 6 bottles for just under $1, but they were half price the day we were in the store. So we got some to resell.

We bought several cases of 48 bottles each. I packaged up sets in pretty gift baskets, selling the sets for the price of $2 per bottle of paint in the basket. It was a fun little hobby while it lasted, and it helped out financially at the same time. The problem was that I ended up having a few cases of paints left even after I got to the point of giving several sets of paints away. 

In the meantime, I never had an official place to store the ones I wanted to keep, and several of the bottles had started to dry up. I didn't want to just throw all of them in the trash, because a few were dry, but I could never seem to find the time to start the daunting task of sorting through them-until the last few days, that is. 

I finally knuckled down and dealt with them. I tried to deal with them a couple of years ago, but I was conflicted about throwing out 'brand-new-never-opened' paints just, because they were dried out. I know. I doesn't make sense. Then again, hoarding is like that. Sometimes, it just doesn't make sense. 

I felt like I was somehow responsible for finding a good home for each and every bottle of paint. Including the dead ones. I knew that hot water thins some paints, and turpentine or paint thinner has been used to thin other paints, and I felt like it was my job to figure out what would thin this paint and bring it back to life once again. So I shelved the whole thing and let it weigh me down for the last couple of years while I tried to figure out what to do.

It happens that the craft cupboard that I want to store the paints in permanently is in my line of vision from the treadmill. So for the last 3 weeks, I have thought of the paints every single time I've been on the treadmill walking. And I finally took the time to tackle the colorful beast.

While trying to figure out what to do with the ones that had started to dry out, I realized that all of these were permanent paints. Once they were dried out, no amount of paint thinner, water or turpentine would resuscitate them, and I need not feel guilty throwing them away. 

Huh. Imagine that.

I had to check each bottle of paint to see, if the paint in it had dried out. A lot of them had a dry plug of paint in the top, but many were fine, so I pulled the plugs on the ones that needed it, trashed the dried ones and set the good ones aside to sort. I pulled out 1 bottle of each color to set aside for Bugster, Hopper, Scooter, Mom, my sister, and myself-roughly a dozen for each of us. I also set aside 3 dozen bottles for Scooter's classroom to use and sent the rest of them, (probably 11 or 12 dozen), to the day program the girls attend. 

I will get my sister's and Mom's paint sent to them this week, and Hopper will pick hers up in the next few days. In the meantime, the drawer which I had set aside to store paints is neatly organized and ready to use. It will be so nice to know whether or not I have a certain color for a project, so I don't go out and buy duplicates of colors I already have. 

It will be so nice to have this monkey off my back once and for all...

...even though I had to pry the thing off one big fat hairy finger at a time.

First comes love...

Hoping y'all had a Blessed and Happy Easter!

Ours was nice, but it did not seem at all like Easter. It's nearly impossible for me to go to church with the girls by myself, and due to hubby's work schedule, it's even closer to impossible for him to go with us. So we don't go, and I really miss church. I'm hoping to get back again someday.

Bugster, Bubster and Frank came over for Easter. We celebrated Bugster's birthday, too, since we weren't feeling well last weekend. She wanted Chinese food from our favorite Chinese restaurant for her birthday meal, so we didn't have the traditional Easter meal we usually have. Did I mention it didn't seem like Easter? Still. It was a good day.

We gave her the birthday gifts I've been working on, even though I'm not finished with them yet. They ended up being much more labor and time intensive than I thought they'd be, but it's been worth it.

I covered a huge candy box that would fit a small blanket or a thick sweater with pretty paper and embellishments. We also got her an antique camel back steamer trunk, (the kind with the humped lid), and decorated it to match the box. Well. I'm still decorating it, actually. I still have to finish covering the top and one side and to line the inside of it. I took some pictures, but they're sort of blurry, so I won't post pictures until I get better pictures and finish decorating it. 

Bugster's favorite movie ever is Ever After with Drew Barrymore. It's a retelling of Cinderella in a way it could have really happened, and it's adorable. In the movie, Drew's character, Danielle, or Cinder Soot as her step sister calls her, has a trunk in which her mother's dress and glass slippers are stored. Bugster said that the first time she saw it, she knew she wanted to have a special trunk to store her wedding dress after she got married. 

She has the married thing down, so...

Nap time.

The other day, I worked on something that's been hanging over my head for several months. When she came down for Bugster and Bubster's wedding this summer, my sister got some skirts and sundresses for Scooter. Scooter loves skirts of all lengths, but she especially loves broomstick skirts and the like, so we were thrilled when my sister found these for her at a garage sale when she was visiting.


The only problem was that neither sundress fit right, and the skirts were a little too big around for her. So a couple of nights ago, I used the seam ripper and took the bodices off the 2 sundresses. My eyes were killing me by the time I was done, because I am at the age when I'm seriously needing bifocals, but I got them off without too much hassle, and I didn't even slice the tip of my finger open with the seam ripper. I'll call it a win.


My sister also picked up a little  babydoll-type blouse that fit Scooter sort of funky. The bottom of the blouse wasn't really flared much. It had a bit of a crisscrossed halter look at the top and tied behind the back with little off the shoulder sleeves that drove Scooter crazy. So I took it apart. I took the halter and ties off, added some elastic to the back of it, and I made it into a little skirt. Scooter will wear it with a pair of leggings underneath, and she's thrilled to have yet another skirt to choose from when getting dressed.


I have a couple more skirts I have to make some adjustments to today, and I've got to do a little mending, but the sewing machine won't be on the table by the time evening hits. It will be put away downstairs in it's semi-permanent place once again. Actually, I had at least intended to get it put away when I started writing this post a couple of days ago, but I didn't finish my mending like I thought I would. If I don't get it wrapped up tomorrow, I will get it back downstairs. At least the sewing machine is put in its case, isn't taking up table space, and is waiting patiently for me to decide what to do with it. 


I had to go downstairs last night to look for the elastic for the skirts and to grab some thread. When I was looking for the elastic, I found 6 bobbins for my sewing machine that I hadn't seen in years. I was so excited! This will make my life so much easier! It's been rough working with only 1 or 2 bobbins over the years. They've already been put in my sewing box, so I'll know where they are the next time I use my sewing machine. 


When I was downstairs looking for stuff in my craft area, I so wanted to just start sorting things again. It's the first I've felt like that in quite awhile. I just wanted to get lost in sorting for a few hours, but the  boxes are going to have to wait. I need to make sure that I have as much done as I can to be ready for the guardian ad litem's visit to the house. She's not going to care how much I need to sort in the craft room. The laundry is a much bigger priority, and the 3 loads I got done yesterday barely dented the pile.


The pile looks comfy enough to jump in, though. Sort of like a leaf pile without all the dust and scritchy scratchy things. 


Maybe I'll just pretend it's a bed and take a nap. 

Distractions.

I was sore today from yesterday's fall, but I'm very thankful it wasn't worse. I tried taking it easy and tried to rest up today, but I'm not so good at resting anymore. So I decided to work on the pinata, since I hadn't done anything with it for a few days.


I made some fresh wall paper paste out of cornstarch and water and waited for it to cool a little. While it was cooling, I sat down to tear some paper. Instead of tearing large pieces of paper into small strips, I grabbed 2 of the rolls of adding machine tape that I came across while sorting boxes in the basement. Mom had gotten it for Bugster to draw on when she was little, and she did use an entire roll, but there were 5 left. 


Instead of throwing them away or donating them, I realized they would make the perfect strips for doing the paper mache on the pinatas. So I tore about half a roll into strips 3" to 4" long. By the time I was done tearing the strips, the paste was cool enough to use, so I set out to put another layer on the pinata. However, there was a problem


Every pinata I've ever made has started off with a rather large balloon. I typically put several layers of paper strips on said balloon until it's ready to add the strings. I've found, if I add the strings followed by a few more layers of paper strips, it balances well, and it hangs much more steadily than, if you try to tie it up when it's all been decorated, and the strings don't break. It's a win/win.


As things dry, the paper becomes hard almost like cardboard. It's amazing how strong it can be. At some point, the balloon needs to be popped, but because the paper strips are pasted directly to the balloon, when the balloon is popped, there is a chance of the balloon deflating too quickly and pulling the paper along with it into the center of the pinata. It's really frustrating when this happens, as I usually have to start over.


So when I started applying the new layers to the balloon today, I was so frustrated when I noticed that the balloon had shrunk since I put the first layers of paper on it a few days ago. I had not gotten enough layers on it the other day, so the pinata started to collapse in on itself as soon as I started adding strips of paper to it, which meant only one thing. 


I needed to start over.


So I went downstairs to get another balloon. I blew it up and set it down while I checked on something else. Several hours and several boxes later, the balloon still sits, inflated, where I set it. 


The good news is that I got several more boxes of craft stuff sorted and put away. 


The bad news is that I have to start over on the pinata. 


Hopefully, I won't get distracted quite as easily tomorrow.

These area few of my fav...er...things.

*Scooter's old EpiPen.

*Wedding gifts still in the box from my grandmother and my aunt along with sweet notes from each of them expressing best wishes for the newly wed couple that was us 25 years ago.

*A sock craft that Hopper made at least 15 years ago that looked like a possessed scarecrow.

*Our tax returns from 1997 and 1998. 

*A 35mm camera from when we were first married.

These are just a few of the things I found when sorting through boxes of craft stuff downstairs today. Granted, not all of them would be categorized as crafts, but they were in boxes on the side of the room that has boxes of crafts stacked to the ceiling that came in from the storage pod on the driveway. These were just some of the the things I found today.

I started a new collection of expired medicines that I'll collect until there is another medicine roundup in town. We dropped off quite a bit of medicine at the last medicine roundup a couple of weeks ago, and I know I'll have quite a bit more by the time there's another one. The EpiPen went into the latest collection of expired medicine.

The wedding gifts were put aside for now. I'll be keeping them, but my mindset is on crafts right now, and I don't know yet where I'll be putting them just yet. I am so glad I came across the cards with the sweet words of my grandmother and my aunt. They brought back wonderful memories of  2 very beautiful women that I miss so much. I'm so very thankful I had them in my life.

The sock craft Hopper made so many years ago had me second guessing myself for awhile. It was a head made of a sock that had yarn hair and felt facial features with stickers for eyes. It had a green felt scarf tied around it, and that was it. It was just a head. It was horribly stained, and I thought about washing it for a moment or two. I wondered how it would fare in the washing machine but figured it wouldn't hold up well. So I considered washing it by hand, but then I looked at it again. It was downright ugly and half scary looking. I could think of no reason I would ever display it, and I realized that as a result I didn't need to wash it. I had a small breakthrough and threw it in the trash. I had several small breakthroughs throughout the last few days, but that was the biggest by far. I look forward to seeing what other breakthroughs I might have in the rest of the boxes.

The taxes? Put in the bag of shredables. I've always struggled with which paperwork to keep and what not to keep. So while it was fun seeing what our income was in 1997 and 1998, we didn't think it was necessary to keep the records any longer. I still had a slight twinge of regret over not keeping any of it, but by the time I acknowledged it, the papers were already in the bag. I could leave them there.

Besides. I'm thinking that the more paperwork we have around that has social security numbers on it, the higher the risk of identity theft. So in the long run, I was thankful we made the decision to get rid of them. 

Speaking of identity theft...enter the 35mm camera. 

When I was 9 months pregnant with Bugster, we got base housing for the first time. We went to some sort of introduction meeting where different aspects of living on base were discussed. During the course of the meeting, we were advised to engrave Hubster's full name and social security number on any electronic device we owned to make it more recoverable, should it ever be stolen. We could check out an engraver through the military police to mark everything, so being the dutiful military wife, I did just that.

At this point, I don't remember what all I marked, but I shudder at the thought of electronics that we've disposed of over the years having my husband's full name and social security number engraved on them! I'm just glad that it was 24 years ago, and well before the age of computers and rampant identity theft, and that hopefully any electronics that still have his information on it has long since been buried deep under mounds of trash in a landfill.

The 35mm camera I came across today was one of the things I'd engraved with almost everything needed to steal my husband's identity. Thankfully, I remembered to check the bottom of the camera before sticking it in the box of stuff to be donated. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the data on the camera and how close I came to sticking it in that box without a second thought. 

Thankfully, I was able to gouge the offending information from the bottom of the camera without too much of an issue. I'll be keeping my eyes peeled. I don't want anything like that to slip through my hands and find its way into the wrong hands. 

An early Christmas.

I am ever so glad it was warm outside today. Well. Warm for Colorado in December. It was in the 50s, and we needed every degree of warmth possible to complete our task, plus the space heater, but complete it we did.

The. Storage. Pod. Is. Empty.

My mother and my husband did the vast majority of the leg work with a little help from Hopper. We thought of hiring Frank the last couple of hours to help out. I wish we'd have thought of it sooner. It was a great investment, and he was a huge help. 


Our basement holds most of the contents of the pod at this point, but it does not feel like it will be impossible to get through the boxes, even though they take up a large portion of the family room. It's going to take awhile to get through the crafts and get them sorted. There's a lot of crafts, and while I have quite the craft area I will not have room for everything, so I will be paring down as I go along. I think it's going to be a case of "easier said than done," but I refuse to be intimidated. I will get through it.

I meant to take pictures in the pod before we started unloading, but it's just as well I didn't. By the time we finally finished, I felt like a Popsicle I was so cold, and I doubt my fingers would have been able to operate the buttons on a camera. Now that everything is inside, I'll make sure I get pictures before I start going through boxes tomorrow.

I know we have a lot of games that we'd gotten for the girls over the years, but realistically, I know we won't be using them all, and many of them are still brand new. I want to go through them, get out the ones I don't think the girls will use, and donate them to one of the local toy drives in time for Christmas. Hopefully, they'll bring smiles to a few faces this Season.

I'm exhausted tonight from my role in today's adventure. I didn't lift anything. I left that up to The Hubster and Mom. However, I stood in the pod for the 5 hours it took us to go through and delegated. The craft boxes went on one side of the family room. The games, toys, and other boxes that are going to require a bit more time to sort went on the other side. The books all went in the workout room. 


Speaking of books, The Hubster was in shock when we came across 13 more boxes of books after he thought he'd already moved all the boxes down to the workout room. He's positive he's not going to be able to fit them all on the bookshelves we have ready for him to use. He's looking at paring down, too.


Emptying the pod today has been an eye-opening experience. It's made us very much aware of what it is that we struggle with hoarding, and it's made us very much aware that we do not want to continue down the path we'd chosen. We no longer choose to go down that road. 


We've decided to take a detour that will lead us to our real lives. 


Merry Christmas to us.

Tea, anyone?

I'm exhausted but thrilled tonight. I'm feeling much better today. Almost human, even.

Three dear friends have provided 5 meals for us over the last 4 days. We'll be heating up one that was left at our door this morning tomorrow for dinner. It looks wonderful, and it's such a huge blessing! I have some absolutely amazing friends!

Hopper and Scooter were sick all last week, and they were still sick over the weekend, so they missed school again today. I know that it hit poor Hopper the hardest, because of the amount of stress she's been under with me going in for surgery. Now that she sees me feeling better, she's starting to feel better. They'll be going back to school tomorrow. They're excited and ready to go.


This afternoon, I was feeling well enough that I asked The Hubster to help me out in the pod. He helped me by getting boxes down and letting me peak in them, so I'd know whether or not I'd be able to do a quick sorting on them. He ended up taking 7 boxes downstairs for me to sort, and there's no evidence that they were even brought in. 

Thankfully, Mom was here when I went through the box of tea party stuff. It was nice to be able to bounce thoughts off her, and it made it easier to make decisions I knew needed making but couldn't bring myself to make. First out of the box were some acrylic stemmed glasses the girls had used to toast during the different tea parties we had when they were growing up. Because I am fairly certain they contain BPA, and I'm not willing to take the chance with the girls using them, I threw them in the trash. We'll come across something else eventually. Something that will be perfect and safe for them to use.


The box had 4 brand new tea dish sets in it, too. They were adorable, and they were once the girls had used when they were little, but they've been boxed up since we moved 9.5 years ago. They were returned to their original boxes after our tea parties, so the china wouldn't break, chip or crack. I wasn't sure what to do with them. They were gifts from Mom and Dad, and they were special.


But the news stories from the last several years kept nagging at me in the back of my mind. You know. Those stories about how China had laced toys of all sorts that were to be sold in the USA with lead. So we looked at all 4 sets of tea party dishes, and low and behold, they were all made in China. I was surprised to even find a label on the end of one box that said that it was not to be used as a toy nor for food service. Who makes a set of tea party dishes that's not supposed to be used as tea party dishes?


Mom gave her blessing for me to get rid of them. She agreed that it wasn't worth the risk to Hopper and Scooter's health to keep them around. So they're gone. It's such a relief to know that the decision has been made. It would have been a very hard decision for me to have made on my own. Thanks to Mom, I was able to make a very difficult decision that would have had me stumbling around for weeks. 


A couple of boxes had old photo albums or paper in them. I saved the albums that had no pictures in them or that had none, but I really liked. The rest went in a box to go to the thrift store. I saved all the paper for now. We won't have to buy theme paper for the next 20 years, I'm sure, but it will all eventually get used, whether by Hopper and Scooter or by Frank, Bugster or Bubster for school.

I also found my stash of construction paper that I'd always had dreams of using with the girls, lots of scrap paper that I currently have put up with the construction paper, but that I'm willing to donate to the girls' classrooms, and a bunch of scrap booking supplies that I look forward to using eventually. It is so nice for it to finally be in it's place!


When all was said and done, I ended up with 1 huge black bag of trash, 5 empty boxes, 1 box of paperwork that I'll have to get to sorting later, and 1 box that will be going to a charity thrift store. 

While I was sorting through the boxes, Mom worked on sorting the laundry and worked in the laundry room. And while it looks like the family room just threw up several bushel baskets full of clothes, the majority of the laundry room floor can be seen for the first time in years. I'm thrilled. We can't wait to get started on things tomorrow!


I'll still be taking it easy, and we'll stop for the breaks along the way, but I feel very hopeful that we may actually able to get this pod emptied and the craft area stocked. 


So am I tired tonight? Absolutely. But I'm also thrilled beyond anything at the blessing the last few days have held.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye...

Today was a good day overall.

I like good days.

Hopper went in to see a doctor today. It apparently is just a viral bug that she has, but the stress has made it worse. The doctor said, if Hopper's fever goes higher than 100° (she was 99.8° today) to bring her back in. In the meantime, we're just supposed to keep her on the nebulizer treatments for a few days until she seems to be doing better. She said her ear looks okay, too, but it's red in there. I looked with our otoscope after she complained that her ear hurt. We'll obviously keep an eye on her, but unfortunately, she will likely have to go in again.

I got a few loads of laundry done. I don't know, if I'll ever fully catch up. It's the nature of the beast, and we all know the Laundry Beast is a big scary dude! Stupid hairy creature, anyway.

While I was in the laundry room, I got distracted. I realized that I still had an entire laundry basket full of recently laundered and folded fabric. So I decided that since I finally have a place to put it, I'd put it away.

One thing led to another, and I got distracted again.

Imagine that.

I decided to sort all the small boxes of craft stuff I had stored upstairs. It's been frustrating having all the small boxes sitting around. I never knew exactly where to find things, and the boxes were unsightly. Something needed to be done. Before I knew it, I'd sorted through several boxes of crafts and found places for everything. It was so exciting getting things put away after all these years.

While I was sorting the craft stuff, The Hubster brought in an antique buffet we bought this summer using the Found Money Fund. There were a couple very minor repairs needed, but overall it was in great shape. One of the repairs that needed done involved putting in a small piece of wood inside and attaching it to the back of the buffet to support the shelf area that holds dishes. It was missing, so the people who we bought the buffet from couldn't even use the buffet for it's intended purpose. I feel sort of bad for them not getting to fully enjoy it.

But I digress....

It was easier to replace this piece with the buffet turned upside down. So we took the drawers out, and set them on the floor. The Hubster was working on it, so I went back to sorting craft stuff. I remarked to my husband that I loved having the nice carpet we have downstairs, so I can go barefoot. (If I go barefoot upstairs, my legs get cold and then I ache all over, so to be able to free my feet from their shoes is so liberating!) I no sooner said this, than I needed to go help my husband with the buffet.

As I went to help hubby, I went a little too quickly and misjudged where the drawers for the buffet were sitting. I cracked the second to largest toe on my left foot as I passed by. Between the pain and the hot flash that ensued at the exact same time I hit my foot, I felt like either getting sick to my stomach or passing out. Thankfully, the feeling passed after a few minutes, but not before my toe started bleeding.

For awhile, I thought I'd broken the toe, but I didn't. The toe isn't really swollen, and it's straight with no bruising. I can even put some weight on it. However, I'm pretty sure I tore the toenail off. I can see where it bent back all the way down by the quick, and it's sore. My loving husband patched it up with a bright blue bandage for now. I'll try to trim part of the toenail tomorrow. If I can't, I may just ask the surgeon to take care of it when I go in. At least I wouldn't feel anything then, and I'm all for not feeling it.

I thought of putting a picture of my sad little toe on the blog, but Bugster talked me out of it. She didn't have to talk too fast. It was only a fleeting thought.

Still. You should thank her.

Steroid induced incoherent ramblings. My apologies.

It seems like today has been horribly long. But being souped up on steroids to get the breathing under control results in very little sleep. Four hours to be exact. And I feel like I could fall asleep and sleep until next week right now. Except that I still have a dose of steroids to take, and it'll keep me awake again. So. Yeah.

I explain none of this to whine. Only to show that I have a totally reasonable reason for rambling tonight and being totally incoherent, or if you understand any of what I'm writing, I suppose I'd go for being semi-coherent. Hah.

Went to the doctor this morning. I'm on a short course of antibiotics again to try to get this under control. I think they'll do it. I feel like I just need a little extra push to get me through it, so I'm hopeful. Had good news on the TB test as well. It was negative. As hard as it is to know that my husband was exposed to TB, it's a great relief to know that he didn't expose us. To have 4 of us on antibiotics for 6 to 9 months straight could be nerve-wracking to say the least. So we are both quite thankful.

Stopped at a couple of thrift stores while I was out today. I haven't been in a thrift store in months. I almost got some suitcases, because we do need some, and all we have are duffel bags. However, they weren't sporting a clearance/markdown tag, so I passed on them. They were still a good buy. Only $7 each, but I just decided to skip it. I did get 4 pieces of stemware to go with our good dishes. A couple of ours got broken while the good dishes were stored on the kitchen countertop for the last year and a half.

The new glasses don't really match the ones that broke, but they coordinate, so they'll work. The ones we had were solid blue. These are a clear glass with a blue foot and stem. They'll work. And when we have the newlyweds over, we'll all be able to share a little sparkling apple cider or SquirrelAide. SquirrelAide has been a holiday tradition in our house since we got married. It's just half Squirt and half KoolAid, but it's just so yummy! The grapefruit flavor of the Squirt gives it a nice little kick that other lemon-lime sodas don't. We'll be set for our next holiday toast as soon as I get the glasses washed, bleached and put away with the holiday dishes.

I spied a really big bag of all sorts of craft stuff for $4.99 at the one thrift store. It had a myriad of craft goodies in it. A new roll of magnetic tape, a couple skeins of new raffia, several yards of 3"wide lace, lots of pony beads, a couple new rolls of metal raffia and lots and lots of buttons as well as several other tantalizing tidbits that I was drawn to. I'm always attracted to craft stuff. I'm physically drawn to it and visualize everything I'm going to make with it within seconds of seeing what I have to work with. I looked at the bag of goodies for less than 30 seconds and decided to put it back. I have enough craft stuff in the storage pod on the driveway to last me my entire life. So I put it back and walked out with nothing from the second thrift store.

I still want to get the suitcases this weekend, if they're still there, because they'll be 50% off, but I don't need anything else. And I'm not going to feel bad, if I can't find suitcases right now. Duffel bags will work fine until things settle down. Eventually, though, I'd like to get some hard sided suitcases and paint pictures on the outsides for the girls, so they'd have very unique suitcases for when we travel. It will happen. Someday. I'm okay, if it's not anytime soon. I have enough on my plate right now.

Other than running to the doctor, doing a little window shopping at the thrift stores and picking up my medicine, I didn't do too much today. The wind was whipping up really bad, and it took several neighborhood trees down. Didn't feel like being under a tree when it snapped, so I just grabbed my unplanted veggies that had fallen and put them in a safe place out of wind's way. I did get a couple of loads of laundry done and some heavier cleaning in one of the bathrooms, but nothing impressive.

Oh. And I got to watch the LOST series finale. I'll miss the show. It's a wee bit like saying goodbye to a friend. Not a sad goodbye. Just a goodbye.

I'm hoping I'll have gotten some sleep tonight and can get a bit more accomplished tomorrow. It's the last day of school, so I'll take the girls somewhere for ice cream, as is the tradition, and do what I can when we get back home. And I'm even okay, if nothing gets done tomorrow. I'll be spending some time with my girls.

Funsies to all!

I think I can. I think I can.

So today, as I thought I was almost done with the insurance claim, I remembered I had pictures in my phone and on our camera. It's been hard going through them, as most have been the artwork the kids did that was destroyed.

I did figure out what I'm going to ask for the artwork. I feel it's fair. If not, I'm sure they'll tell me. I'm asking $10 each. That way, I can get a photo printed off of each one in the same approximate size of the lost artwork, and I can pay someone to photoshop the mildew and stains out of the pictures. I'm hoping that they think $10 each is fair, since otherwise we won't be able to use them. Besides, I personally think they're worth hundreds of dollars each, since we can never again go back to when our children were little and have them make them again.

Once I figured out how I was going to handle the claim, I got busy numbering each piece of artwork. I knew there were quite a few pieces, but I didn't really know how many until I started counting. My hands are actually cramping a bit from all the typing I've been doing on them. I think it's a touch of carpel tunnel. It's irritating. I want to just get this done, so I've put on my wrist brace, and I'm hoping that will keep it in check until I finish up.

All told, we lost 79 pieces of the kids artwork. Virtually everything that our oldest made was in the box that got wet. And I *did* have plans to use it. You see, I have this really cool murphy table. When it hangs on the wall, it looks like a picture frame. When you're using it, it comes down and the picture frame is underneath the table to be protected until it's visible again.

Here it is in the folded position on one of the pictures for the insurance claim.


And that wall? The one that's painstakingly painted in pastel stripes? Yeah. That took me forever and a day! It had been really dark, super ugly and depressing paneling. I was about halfway finished painting the room when the flood happened and ruined my paint job. I had to laugh. One of the guys working on the removal of the molded and mildewed things asked, if we wanted to try to keep a panel or two that I'd painted. I thanked him, but asked him to please get it out of my sight!

Working on this insurance claim has had my emotions running the gamut. Up. Down. Up. Down. It's spurred me on to dehoard, no doubt about it. But it's also been hard looking at the things we lost. I know that once I submit the claim I'll be fine. It will no longer be looming, and I will be able to move on.

So.

I will finish this and get it sent tomorrow.

No.
Matter.
What.

I know I can. I know I can.

Enough.

I was talking with a friend about yesterday's post. The part about me giving up some of my dreams. While talking with her, I realized that it's more than just giving up the dream of having fun moments with the girls creating things and playing games. It's having to give up a little bit of hope.

Fifteen years ago, I almost fired the girls' physical therapist, because she made me feel as though there was no hope. I would tell her what the girls had accomplished since she saw them last, and she would proceed to fill me in on all they couldn't do. After she finished telling me everything my girls couldn't do one particular day, she went on to tell me a joke. I could hardly even muster a smile. I don't even remember the joke. I just remember being crestfallen at her criticism of my babies.

She realized something was up, and she asked me, if anything was wrong. At first I protested and said, "No." But somehow, I stopped myself. I said, "Actually, yes. Something is wrong. Every time you come to our house for physical therapy, and I tell you what the girls have done, you counter by telling me everything they can't do. Don't you think I KNOW what they can't do?? I see it every single day! But I can't focus on that. If I do, I'll drown! I will have no hope. And I can't live without hope. I have to celebrate even the smallest accomplishments they make, because they work SO much harder than the average kid to do the smallest things. Please don't end every session by telling me what they can't do. I can't handle it." And I started crying.

I don't cry a lot. I didn't back then either. I think that somehow I was afraid that, if I started crying I wouldn't be able to stop. I didn't want the girls to pick up on that crying and think that somehow they, simply by being who they were made to be, were making me unhappy. That somehow they weren't enough.

The therapist ended up apologizing profusely. She said she'd never realized that she'd been doing it, and she'd been doing it for years with all of her patients. She said she learned a lot with that conversation, and she was going to do what she could to implement a more positive approach with all of her patients, and she thanked me for bringing it to her attention. She ended up being wonderful with the girls, and I'm so glad that somewhere I found the strength that day to say exactly what I needed to say instead of stuffing my feelings.

I've always had hope for our girls. Even when our youngest weighed 21 pounds and couldn't sit up without being propped by tons of pillows stacked around her when she was almost 4. Even then, I held out hope that she would walk. And she did!! She does! She can! And while I know that I'm not the reason that she learned to walk, I hope that somehow she knew I believed in her. That I believed she could do it. And that maybe it inspired her and helped her to not give up.

But soon, I must face reality. I must let go of some of that hope, as I eventually sort through those board games and crafts and part with those that are above the girls' abilities. I have to allow myself to let go. I have to make myself face what the girls aren't capable of doing. One of the things that I hate most of all.

Most of all, I must remind myself that they are, always have been, and always will be.

Enough.

Reality slapped me in the face. Hard.

When I wrote about the rubbing alcohol the other day, I was haunted with memories of my former compulsive shopping self.

I can't describe the amount of stress I was in when our youngest was in the hospital over and over and over again when she was little. The stress level was only marginally better when she wasn't in the hospital, because the responsibility fell to me to do everything the nurses had done for her there. Including waking up from a dead sleep night after night for breathing treatments and laundry. I turned to Target for therapy.

I knew the layout of my favorite store quite well, and I only shopped the clearance endcaps. In many ways, it was my saving grace. I never paid more than $5 for brand new shoes for the girls. I never paid more than $10 for my own. I got brand new clothes for the girls at prices cheaper than the thrift stores, and they weren't worn, torn or stained.

I even bought NFL clothing like 'the coat' at the end of the season and sold them on eBay the following year for a nice little profit. I typically only bought items that were marked at least 75% off or more. If it was something the one of the girls really needed, I would go as high as 50% off, but that wasn't how I usually rolled. I think, if I'd pinched my pennies much harder they'd have bled. I'm a bargain shopper extraordinaire for sure.

Being such a gifted shopper can lead to big problems, though. I would often buy too many of one item, because at 90% off, 1 might be good, but surely 10 would be better. Right? I mean, do the math! I'd be getting 10 things for the price of one! How bad can it be to get 9 items free for every 1 item that you buy? Sounds good in theory. Not so good for someone who has hoarding issues.

I remember getting disappearing ink to put in a squirt gun for the neighborhood kids to use when our oldest was playing with them. I remember I paid a dime a piece for them, but the problem is that I think I still have them! Not all of them. Some were used. But after I brought them home and thought about it, I was concerned over the ink possibly staining the neighbor kids' clothes. I knew how expensive clothes could be, so I couldn't bring myself to pass them all out. Of course I lost the receipt, so I couldn't take them back, but I also have never given them away. They are currently tucked away with the belongings that had been in the basement when it flooded.

The clearance items that seemed to tug at me the most were things that would be fun for the kids. Things that would lighten the stress of having a very ill little girl. Things like St. Patrick's Day pinatas, board games to play with the kids, craft items I envisioned doing with the girls. All things that seemed like they'd be so much fun to do, but I never got around to doing them. I just had so much going on, but I somehow couldn't seem to let go of the dreams of having these happy moments together.

About 12 years ago, I woke up one day and realized that I had a problem with shopping. Seriously. It was that abrupt. I realized I was spending money on stuff that wasn't being used, and it was such a waste. I made a concentrated effort to stop. The tug is still there. The idea of spending fun time with the girls doing projects or playing games still nags at me when I see a great price on a toy or craft project.

When we unload the boxes upon boxes of games from the storage pod on our driveway, I will pare down the games to ones I feel the girls will have an interest in or will be realistically able to play. I'll be getting rid of a lot of them. It will be difficult. The craft items will be even harder to purge.

A part of me will be letting go of a dream.