Over the course of the last few months, I've had several comments that people can sense a change in how I'm doing with everything based on my writing. I'm not sure exactly what it is they see, but I find it interesting. I can tell I've changed through this process, but I wasn't exactly sure I could put my finger on how or why, so I've been thinking about it for a few weeks.
When I first began my journey, I would blush from embarrassment even acknowledging we were in this situation. It's not an easy thing to own up to. I was mortified. I mean this was humiliating! I was afraid of telling anyone, although I did trust a few close friends and family members, because I knew I needed the accountability. I was afraid that, if I kept it to myself I would fall into old patterns.
I think maybe I was trying to convince myself, fairly regularly I might add, that we would actually be able to get through things. It was just such an overwhelming task that lay ahead, and I needed a pep talk from time to time even, if I had to give it to myself. The future loomed, and it was scary. Could we even get it done? Would we?
I find I no longer need to give myself pep talks like I used to. I still need one from time to time, so I can finish a goal I've set for a certain time frame, but not for the overall task. I've made enough progress that today I feel confident that we will indeed accomplish what we set out to do. I have a peace that one day we will have an organized and dehoarded house.
I no longer just hope that it will happen. I have a confidence that it will. A confidence that stems from the successes we've already had.
It's no longer going to happen. It is happening.
Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.
You can read the start of my journey here.