I'm so tired. So tired, exhausted and drained.

...but hopeful.

I'm just tired, but relentless forward progress and all.

We have a small storage container in the front yard right now. The first order of business when it was delivered last week was to bring all the boxes of Christmas decorations upstairs and put them in the back of the container. They're normally stored in the utility room downstairs, but the builders need them out of there in order to access water, gas, and sewer lines for the addition, so they had to go. The good thing is that it's the last time that we'll have to bring them up from downstairs, because they'll be stored in the new storage room in the addition. Do you have any idea how incredible it will be not to have to lug those massive totes up every year?!!

The garage is empty except for the spare fridge, which we will keep in there until it goes on its merry way. We haven't decided yet, if we're going to put it in the new storage room, or if I'll sell it, but it and cases of water are the only thing we have left in the garage. It feels weird to go out there and have there be so much space. I was in such a hurry to get started on clearing it out that I forgot to take before pictures of everything, but I am okay with that. I may still have a before picture that I took years ago of the garage, but I'm not going to worry about whether I do or not.

I was thinking I needed to get before pictures of the kitchen and dining room before I started packing things up, but I decided not to worry about it. I didn't want to take pictures of it being messy, because these pictures were not so much a before picture having to do with hoarding but one that had to do with the renovation and how much things will have changed once the work is complete. I know I have pictures somewhere of most of the things in the kitchen, so I'm just not going to worry about it.

I was finding myself literally frozen trying to make decisions about what to clean first, what to take pictures of first, and the order in which to pack things. My fibromyalgia has been acting its fool self off, and I am struggling to think clearly. I fought through the Fibro Fog and made a difficult decision. I realized that the whole thought of trying to clean the table off, dust the nic nacs, and scrubbing the floor for pictures was just too much for me. Not being able to make a decision has been frustrating to say the least, so finally making a decision, albeit not the decision I was expecting to make is freeing.

Sometimes relentless forward progress isn't about getting rid of anything but a mindset, and I'm okay with that.

*I originally wrote this the end of March and forgot to actually post it. Lots of dehoarding has happened since then. Relentless forward progress and all...

::::yawn:::::

I'm exhausted, but I'm feeling very hopeful. I've had more of that relentless forward progress happening since I last blogged.

Are you ready for this?

The garage and the back porch are.....empty.

Ok. Maybe not entirely, but enough that the builder was 'flabbergasted' that I had gotten as far as I have with it. So now we're finally in the planning stage!!

There are still a couple of things in the garage. The big plywood fireplace that we bring into the house every year to hang stockings on at Christmas is out there, the spare refrigerator that we keep water and eggs from the backyard chickens is in there, and there's a bedroom set that we've got to get into Scooter's bedroom. The grill is still on the porch, as is the porch swing and a table. I'll be selling the table, but we're keeping the swing and the grill, so they'll just need to be moved out of the way when the time comes. Oh. yeah. There's also a barrel on the porch that has camp chairs in it. I'm not sure where I'll be storing those until we use them, but they have to be washed at the car wash before I put them away until we use them again.

Considering that the porch was completely covered and the garage was full top to bottom, side to side, and end to end, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I've sold several things and made a few hundred dollars. Hubster took the bath surround we'd bought a few years ago back to the big box store. Thankfully, it was still in stock, so he was able to return it. We now have a credit to be used toward the renovations we'll be doing, so that will be handy.

I can't even imagine how many hundreds, (thousands?) of pounds of stuff has been thrown away! There's been some stuff donated, as well, but for the most part the stuff has gone to the trash. I've kept some stuff to look through later, because I just couldn't think clearly enough to make any more decisions about it at the time. I think that what I actually kept was only between 10-15% of the total that was out there. That total will go down, as I have the time to sort through it all when I'm thinking more clearly.

I'm having problems deciding whether or not to keep the stuff we'd gotten to redo the bathroom years ago, or if I should sell it and go a different route. The toilet and sink are a matched set, and I love the look of them, but the toilet is just a typical height. We're so used to the taller toilets that I don't know, if we should keep that one...I'm wondering, if it would be a fall risk for Hubster, since it's shorter. We're also wondering, if it would be better to have a small vanity in there instead of the pedestal sink that matches the toilet. We'd be able to put a reverse osmosis machine in a cabinet, which would allow access to purified water without having to go upstairs. Granted, we wouldn't have any storage, but we've gone all these years without it that I don't know, if it would matter, anyway. I could always hang some cute baskets on the walls for storage, so there are options.

Decisions must be made, but the fibro fog is thick, and it is so hard to think clearly.

I think I need sleep.

Good Decisions and All.

For years the back porch has been filled to overflowing. In fact, there have been varying degrees of full since we bought the house 18 years ago. It has seen many things come and go over the years, but it's always been pretty packed . At one point we actually tried to tarp it off, so the things on it wouldn't be ruined by the weather, and so it wasn't as much of an eyesore for the neighbors, but the wind and the sun destroyed the tarps, and we had a mess. 

A few years ago when we started working on cleaning up the backyard, we actually had the entire porch cleaned off. Ok. Maybe not completely, but it was close. We still had a stack of chairs, and a big metal footlocker that Hubster had used in his work truck for years, but for the most part it was clean. Unfortunately, it didn't stay that way. It didn't take long for it to be filled with overflow when we tried to clean out the garage. (I did, however, get rid of the stack of chairs several months ago, and the footlocker went a few weeks ago. Yay me!)

I'd hired a neighbor kid to help me with it, but it was more than he could handle. Heck, I couldn't even handle things. Frank has helped me with it here and there, but he really isn't into working much, so it's been very hit and miss. Awhile back, I asked Atticus, if he was interested in earning some money and helping me to dehoard. He's between jobs, so it was a good fit. He also grew up with hoarding parents, so he's familiar with the mindset, and he's been a huge encouragement without pushing me to make decisions I'm not quite ready to  make. As a result, we've made huge progress! 

We finished cleaning the back porch off completely a few weeks ago. It's since been somewhat filled with other things, but it's because we're using it as a staging area. In one area, I've got the things I'm selling, in another there are things I'm keeping, and in another area I keep the stuff that's being donated. It's been nice, because as I go through things in the garage, Atticus can take them to the appropriate place on the porch, and I can deal with it further from there. 

I've sold a few things and donated a bit, but by and large I've either given things away or thrown them out with the trash each week. I've been able to get rid of things that I've hung onto for years with relative ease, and when I struggle to get rid of something and finally  make the choice, Atticus chimes in with, "Good decision!" It's encouraging. 

One of the big decisions I made last week was to get rid of papers I've held onto since I was in high school close to 40 years ago. I took classes in architecture and drafting back then. I liked it well enough, but I wasn't quite suited to it. I struggled to get the perspective perfect in spite of the tools I had at my disposal to draw them correctly. I just couldn't get it quite right. In a weak moment my junior year of high school, I cheated. I took another student's drawing, (with his permission), and I turned it in as my own. I was found out, and I ended up with a poor grade. I don't recall, if I got an incomplete in the class, or if I only got an F on that paper. It's been a long time ago, and a lot has happened in my life since then, so the details are blurry, but it has hung like a millstone around my neck all these years. 

I'm ashamed that I was so weak as to think that cheating was an option just because I was overwhelmed and I had a looming deadline. I'm not proud of myself for that. I think it's one of the reasons I've hung onto the blueprints all these years. I wanted to punish myself for my failure, because I didn't deserve to forgive myself. How could I forgive myself for such a moral failure? As a result, I've paid for that single moment of cheating many, many times over the years. 

Last week, I went page by page through the blueprints, as I told the story to Atticus. As hard as it was to admit, it was so freeing. I was able to forgive myself, to put the past in the past, and to move in to the future. 

Good decisions. 

A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place.

A few years ago, we got a new shed to use as a workshop for when we're doing outdoor projects, and so we'd have a place to store garden stuff, Christmas decorations, and the like. But as is the case with hoarding, it got filled. It wasn't packed to the gills, but it was too full of stuff that we weren't sure where to put. But we want to actually use the shed for its intended purposes.

Enter Atticus.

He came over both yesterday and today and worked in the shed for us. We need to get the shed organized, so we can put things away where they need to go, as we empty out the garage and clean off the porch. It may seem silly that we're starting with the porch in order to finish the garage, but I firmly believe that this is going to make the whole process easier.

The shed is 10x12, and it has 3 metal storage cabinets When we had it built, we'd put all 3 of them in a line along the long side of the shed, but I realized that we'd have more space, if we put them at the back of the shed along the short wall, but in order to do it, Atticus had to empty the shed. He didn't have to take everything out of the cabinets or off the workbench, but he did need to remove everything from the floor, so he'd have the space to rearrange the cabinets. Sure enough, moving the cabinets around gave us more usable floor space, and it's going to make quite the difference.

Once he'd moved things around, he got the Christmas lawn ornaments out of the shed and spent a couple of hours helping to put the Nativity on the lawn. It's such a relief to have the decorations up already. I mean we usually try to put them up the day after Thanksgiving, but we haven't even celebrated Thanksgiving yet. We had to delay our celebration due to illness, but I still needed to try to get some things done. And getting the decorations out is huge. It takes way more time than it seems like it should, but the girls are alway so happy once it's up! I'm incredibly thankful for the help!

When Atticus came by again today, I worked out in the shed for a couple of hours with him. We got a lot accomplished. I got rid of roughly 20 gallon buckets of paint, three 2 gallon buckets, about 18 quarts, at least 2 dozen cans of spray paint along with several bottles of automotive chemicals and a chainsaw. Not only did I make a lot of space in the shed, but I was able to clear my head. I was able to release all the unfinished projects that the paint and chainsaw represented, and instead of feeling a loss, I felt nothing but peace.

I'm anxious to get the shed fully organized, so as I run across tools in the garage, they'll each have their own place.

Their. Own. Place.

Music to my ears.

So This Hoarding Thing.

It's complicated. 

There are few things that hold great meaning to me. Perhaps there is a larger number of things that hold meaning for me compared to other people, but very few that hold great meaning. I could honestly take or leave the rest. I'm finally to the point once again that I'm making some great choices about differentiating between those things that actually mean something to me and those that don't. 

Yesterday was downright balmy compared to today, so I worked in the garage for a few hours on my own. Atticus, (a young man who grew up down the street from us when our girls were all little), was going to come and help me out wasn't able to after all, but I refused to let the change in plans derail me. I worked in the garage on my own for almost 3 hours. 

I was able to get rid of a lot of things. Well, technically, some of the things are still in the garage, but I've found homes for them, so it's just a matter of getting out there again to get them loaded up once it gets warm again. On Thursday of this week, 4 new interior doors, 4 used sliding closet doors, and a large air compressor on a cart will all leave the garage for sure. Knowing where each of these things is going has already freed up mental space. It's nice.

I loaded up a garden wagon with pieces of an old pressboard cabinet for the trash. We'd torn apart the cabinet years ago and used the pieces as a floor in the attic but left it up there when cleaned the attic out last summer. The time has come that neither of us can physically make the trek up to the attic and back down safely, so we emptied it out, However, we hadn't removed the 'floor'. When we had the insulation in the attic blown in this summer, the workers took it all down. Since we're not going to be using the attic for storage anyway, off to the trash it goes, along with two extra large black trash bags that I filled to the top.

I know I've still got a long way to go, but I'm happy with the progress I've made up to this point. I was able to toss a couple of things in the trash instead of washing them to donate. I realized that the 50 cents the thrift store might get for each of the things would take me 15 minutes to get cleaned up and sterilized in order to donate just wasn't worth it. In fact, there was a good chance they'd just go in the trash once they were donated, anyway, so yeah, I chucked them. 

Yay me. 

I'm getting there. It's taking time, but I *am* getting there. 

One uncomfortable decision at a time.

It's gonna be a challenge.

Our home isn't all that large. It seems even smaller now that Hubster struggles with walking in tight spaces due to the Parkinson's. Even without the Parkinson's it's small. We can't open the dishwasher and oven door at the same time, because they'd hit one another. They're on opposite walls. Like I said. Small. 

Don't get me wrong. We love our house. It's our home. It will be our one and only home. We just want it to be a little more user friendly when the eventuality comes that Hubster will need a wheelchair. It is likely years away, but it will come. And we know from experience that our house is not built for someone in a wheelchair to get around. When Hopper broke her leg a few years ago, I thought we were all going insane from the lack of space!

We had a couple of major hail storms this year that tossed baseball-sized hail at our roof and patio cover. It destroyed them both, so they both will need replaced. The problem is that the roof on patio is entirely too small. Originally, there had been a brick planter all the way around, but the roof didn't extend over them. Now that the planters are gone, the patio looks like it's been the butt of a summer camp prank and has been short sheeted. Unfortunately, we can't replace the patio roof with a size large enough to cover the pad without new concrete being poured and a new structure being built.

We've also always wanted to convert the garage into living space, (think bigger kitchen and bigger living room), but we never even thought it was a possibility. It certainly isn't big enough for a car. Ok. Maybe a small car would fit in it, but there's no way an SUV or van would fit, and I don't see us getting by without one or the other. Come to think of it, I suppose the possibility existed, but the money to make it happen didn't exist, so we really didn't know when, how, or if it could ever happen, let alone get a carport.

We didn't want a little flimsy aluminum one that would blow into our neighbor's backyard with the smallest gust of wind, but a permanent carport that would protect the car from the hail, heat, snow, and ice. The thought of not having to shovel snow from the driveway seems to good to be true, let alone the safety factor. Where both Hubster and Scooter are at greater risk for falls, the thought of a driveway free of ice sounds beyond amazing! 

All of these renovations have been nothing but far-off dreams for years. Until now. We just found out that Hubster's disability claim was awarded, so we will be signing loan paperwork to get started on all of it in the next few days! We are super excited and can't wait for the additions to our home to be complete!

The flip side of things is that it's a lot of work. The garage is full. It's not as full as it used to be, because we have worked on paring down quite a bit, but there is still a massive amount of stuff out there. My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to get rid of every. single. thing. in the garage and on the porch. Once they pull the walls from the kitchen and living room down, any mouse or spider that currently resides in the garage will have free access to the house. If we get rid of everything out there, they won't have a place to hide, and we'll be able to eradicate each of them before the wall comes down. 

Totally worth it. 

This mission is going to be difficult, there's no doubt, but guess who's up for the job? That's right! I'm ready to put in the work to reap the rewards of a bigger, more comfortable home. I'm finding that dehoarding decisions are coming easier now that there's a real goal in mind, so I'm just going to go in each day that I work out there with the renovations in mind. 

This mission may be difficult, it may be a herculean challenge, but it is not impossible. 

I accept.

BFHF!

I haven't been purposely staying away from the computer, but I just haven't been online much lately. I find that I've been staying busy with family, doctors' appointments, tomatoes, apples, and dehoarding. You know. Life.

When I finally slow down and come to a stop for the day, I fall into a deep, deep sleep. It's rare that I have enough mental energy at the end of each day to check email let alone write a blog post, and I've been okay with that. I honestly feel the best I've felt in months. Maybe even years. 

I've been making progress with dehoarding here and there. I've even tackled some jobs I've been putting off for years...

Several years ago, there was a local company that went out of business that manufactured craft paints. They donated the leftover paints to the thrift stores, and we happened upon them. The price couldn't be beat. They were bagged 6 bottles for just under $1, but they were half price the day we were in the store. So we got some to resell.

We bought several cases of 48 bottles each. I packaged up sets in pretty gift baskets, selling the sets for the price of $2 per bottle of paint in the basket. It was a fun little hobby while it lasted, and it helped out financially at the same time. The problem was that I ended up having a few cases of paints left even after I got to the point of giving several sets of paints away. 

In the meantime, I never had an official place to store the ones I wanted to keep, and several of the bottles had started to dry up. I didn't want to just throw all of them in the trash, because a few were dry, but I could never seem to find the time to start the daunting task of sorting through them-until the last few days, that is. 

I finally knuckled down and dealt with them. I tried to deal with them a couple of years ago, but I was conflicted about throwing out 'brand-new-never-opened' paints just, because they were dried out. I know. I doesn't make sense. Then again, hoarding is like that. Sometimes, it just doesn't make sense. 

I felt like I was somehow responsible for finding a good home for each and every bottle of paint. Including the dead ones. I knew that hot water thins some paints, and turpentine or paint thinner has been used to thin other paints, and I felt like it was my job to figure out what would thin this paint and bring it back to life once again. So I shelved the whole thing and let it weigh me down for the last couple of years while I tried to figure out what to do.

It happens that the craft cupboard that I want to store the paints in permanently is in my line of vision from the treadmill. So for the last 3 weeks, I have thought of the paints every single time I've been on the treadmill walking. And I finally took the time to tackle the colorful beast.

While trying to figure out what to do with the ones that had started to dry out, I realized that all of these were permanent paints. Once they were dried out, no amount of paint thinner, water or turpentine would resuscitate them, and I need not feel guilty throwing them away. 

Huh. Imagine that.

I had to check each bottle of paint to see, if the paint in it had dried out. A lot of them had a dry plug of paint in the top, but many were fine, so I pulled the plugs on the ones that needed it, trashed the dried ones and set the good ones aside to sort. I pulled out 1 bottle of each color to set aside for Bugster, Hopper, Scooter, Mom, my sister, and myself-roughly a dozen for each of us. I also set aside 3 dozen bottles for Scooter's classroom to use and sent the rest of them, (probably 11 or 12 dozen), to the day program the girls attend. 

I will get my sister's and Mom's paint sent to them this week, and Hopper will pick hers up in the next few days. In the meantime, the drawer which I had set aside to store paints is neatly organized and ready to use. It will be so nice to know whether or not I have a certain color for a project, so I don't go out and buy duplicates of colors I already have. 

It will be so nice to have this monkey off my back once and for all...

...even though I had to pry the thing off one big fat hairy finger at a time.

Fessing up

I've decided something. I've decided I'm wishy washy. I can't seem to make up my mind. Then again, I think it's pretty obvious to anyone who reads my blog. I step away for awhile. Then I come back with plans to post everyday, and life happens, and I don't. So I've made a decision. I'm not going to worry about whether I post daily or not. I'm still getting things done, and when I have time, I will post about my success and my failures. 

There. 

It's decided.

I've been working in the kitchen again today. We have some hooks on the wall under the telephone that we use to hang reusable shopping bags and purses, etc. While I was sitting at the table trying to sort that last little bit of stuff that seems to take all my concentration to get finished, a purse hanging on the hooks caught my eye. It had been hanging there unused for over a year. I had taken it out of our closet last year when I thoroughly cleaned our bedroom. 

I decided I was not going to let it escape my grip yet again and dumped the contents on the table.

It's not like there was a lot in it. A pocket Bible Hubster had gotten me, a small emergency kit that held bandages, hand wipes, samples of headache medicines, 2 lip balms and a small tin of mints with 2 mints left in it. There was also a book of cards I'd kept in my purse for several years. At one point it probably contained over 100 business, credit or store perk cards. I've gone through it a few times over the years and slowly but surely purged what I could handle getting rid of at the time. 

Today, I emptied it. Most of the contents went in the shredables bag. The rest have been set aside to go in my purse, because they're still relevant. There were perks cards for 2 stores that have gone out of business, old business cards of our realtor who recently retired, and business cards from the insurance guy we had when we bought our house. I did keep the old prescriptions for our glasses and 5 or 6 cards, 3 of which were library cards, that were in there, but overall, I felt pretty good about it. I even threw the book away. I've been putting off cleaning out that purse for close to a decade. The latest date I saw on anything was 2003.

I momentarily thought I'd wash the purse. It's made of blue denim and canvas, but there were a couple of quarter sized brown stains on the light part, and I didn't figure I could get them out. Well, I probably could, but it also had an insert in it made of cardboard, and I knew that it would be ruined, if it got wet, so I just pitched it. I didn't succumb to my old way of thought and undo the seam to remove the cardboard, so I could wash it. I just threw it away. 

I threw the makeup case that had held the emergency supplies, too. I saved one bandage out of it, the mint tin, the fingernail clipper and the Swiss Army knife that I'd had in there. But the little makeup case, which was in good shape overall, had a sticky zipper. And it was dirty inside. I didn't feel like rubbing a candle over the zipper or washing it, so I just pitched it, too. 

It's amazing how empty the wall looks without that purse hanging there. Since Bugster took her bag of stuff home that I'd had hanging there waiting for her, it looks downright bare. I like it. I really like that my purse won't be sticking out anymore, too. I hate when it hits me in the thigh when I come around the corner. 

Awhile back, I wrote about buying pants hangers in bulk, so I could get rid of the ones that didn't match. They were taking entirely too much of my attention. When the new hangers came in, I immediately went to each room and switched out the old hangers for the new ones. The problem was that I neglected to get rid of the old hangers. I'd put them aside, so I wouldn't have to make a decision about getting rid of them. Even though I knew I needed to do it, I couldn't seem to bring myself to list them on Craigslist. 

I had no problem knowing I needed to get rid of the clear plastic ones. They were made of cheap plastic and broke easily. But I really struggled with getting rid of the opaque ones. They were a much higher quality. They looked clean. Plus they all had the clothespin-type clamps on them. Only 2 of the black ones had them. I just kept thinking of how handy they would be to hang jeans. Jeans are so heavy, and they need a durable hanger, or the hanger tends to bend.

We've used the new hangers long enough for me to realize they're decent hangers, even though they aren't all that heavy duty. They still hold the jeans tight, and they don't bend or break from the weight of the jeans. So I sorted out the different types of hangers, listed them on Craigslist, and someone picked them all up within an hour of emailing. It was such a relief to know that I'd finally dealt with them.

I did find one opaque hanger after the others had gone out the door, but I didn't hang onto it. Well, not really. We took the ends that clamp off the hanger to use for chip clips and tossed the rest in the garbage. They're really handy, and they're a lot cheaper than buying clips that don't work or don't last and make you feel cheated for having made the purchase in the first place. 

So yeah. The hangers are gone. 

:::looks guilty:::

OK! OK! I kept the 2 black hangers that had the pinch clips! I didn't put them in the closet or in the laundry room. They're sitting in the study for me to deal with later. I'm don't know what I'm going to do with them just yet. I'll probably change my mind a few times.

I'm sorta wishy washy like that.

Don't judge me.

Carpe Diem

I've been doing a deep spring cleaning in the kitchen the last few days. I've slowly been surely been organizing things, cleaning out cupboards and finding permanent, easily accessible homes for things I've never known quite where to store. I've been dehoarding as I go along, as well, and I've learned a lot about myself once again.


Several years ago, maybe 20?, I came across some spare Tupperware lids for bowls that I didn't have. They were old when I got them, although I'm not sure how old. I don't remember where I picked them up, but I came to the conclusion I don't need them. I think at the time I acquired them I thought they were hanging onto, because they had a lifetime warranty. It made them worth something. If I were to donate them, they would likely go in the trash, so I just tossed them and saved someone else the work. I did keep a couple of the newer ones, because I think I still have a bowl or two to go with the ones I saved. If I never come across the bowls, I'll throw the lids at some point in the future.


I came across several things that I realized I'd never used, because I attached some sort of special meaning to them, and they seemed too special to use. None of them felt so special that I would have grabbed any of them to save, if there had been a fire. But there was thought put into picking them out for the girls or for us, and I set them aside to use at a special time, so I would remember them. Instead, they ended up in the trash.


One thing was a gingerbread cookie Mom had gotten for the girls. For some reason, we never used it while she was down here. It was over a year old, and there's no way it would have tasted good after all this time, in spite of the fact I'd had it in the refrigerator until a week ago. I pitched it.


Then a few years ago, Hubster picked up some adorable marshmallow treats that are made like Peeps, although I don't recall, if they were made by the same company. They were shaped like Veggie Tales, and they were adorable. But the girls don't care too much for that sort of thing. I put them up thinking I'd let the girls use them in a cup of cocoa, but I just kept setting them aside over and over again. I needed the space in the cupboard more than we needed to keep them, and I know Hubster will understand. They went in the trash, too.


The other thing that comes to mind that I came across was given to us several years ago for Christmas. My friend had given us a little jam jar of vanilla sugar she'd fixed up for us to use in teas or on toast with a bit of butter. She put little red and green sprinkles in it. It was really cute and such a thoughtful gift. We did use it several times, but I think I stopped using it, because I wanted the feeling it invoked to last. The jar was only about half-full, but I knew there was no way it was good anymore. I dumped the contents in the trash and washed the jar. If I don't find anything to put in the jar in the next few days, I'll throw it in the trash as well.


It was a great reminder for me to live in the moment and not for moments in the future. I've done this my entire life. I've saved the girls' special clothes, so they wouldn't ruin them, and they ended up outgrowing them instead of wearing them. Fun food I've picked up to do something special with the girls has gone bad, because I've put off using it until the circumstances were 'just right'.


I've got to learn to give myself permission to use things, even special things, every day. I have to learn that 'special' doesn't mean 'too good to ever use' or 'too good for me to use'. It means that someone thought enough of us to give us something they thought we would enjoy. They didn't give it to us to put on a shelf or in a box and never see it again or to have to throw it away, because it went bad. 


I am going to have to remind myself that using and enjoying gifts shows my appreciation and love for the person who gave it much more than just putting it up to keep it safe. My friends and family mean more to me than that. I know they want more for me than what I've allowed myself, and I'm going to do my best to seize the day...


each and every day.

Goodbye?

Our household was hit by a stomach bug Hubster brought home from work. Yesterday was the first time I'd felt almost normal in a week, and I took full advantage of the improvement. Scooter is feeling better this morning, and her coloring is a bit better, so hopefully she's on the mend as well. 

Even though I still need to finish Hopper's birthday gift, I worked in the kitchen/dining room yesterday. I'm hoping to finish up in there today, and I'm encouraged at the changes in there. 

Awhile back, I put a shelf in the baker's rack, because we're so limited for storage in the kitchen. The shelf allows for double decker storage, and it's made a big difference in how things are working out in the kitchen. It's helped tremendously. And we did put the credenzas down int he laundry room, so we had the extra storage down there for the overflow from the kitchen as well. I just hadn't gotten around to taking the cake pans and baking dishes down there until yesterday. So I washed the dust out of them and took them downstairs.

1 10x14 glass cake pan, 

1 11x15 ceramic baking dish

1 6" round ceramic baking dish

1 glass pie dish 

1 silicone heart cupcake pan

1 silicone heart cake pan

1 2-piece set silicone birthday cake pans

1 tin of Christmas cookie cutters

It's amazing how much more room there is on the kitchen counters and table without all that stuff in there. There has never been enough storage room for the stuff that we use regularly in the kitchen, let alone all the extras that we don't use as often. I have been known to store the extras in the oven, but as soon as I get used to using the oven for storage, something is left in there that that melts when I turn the oven on without checking it. If I left them in sight, at least I wouldn't have smoke billowing out of the oven. Now it won't be an issue. Yay!

I didn't get out of the house very often when we first moved to Colorado 18 years ago. Between Scooter's constant hospitalizations and my own health problems, I was fairly busy and just didn't have the time. On one of those rare occasions when everyone was well enough, we went for a walk as a family. There was yard sale on the street over from where we lived, and we decided to browse. 

A black iron plant stand, shaped to fit in a corner, caught my eye. It was about 5ft tall and had some pretty scrolled iron on it. I've always had a thing for wrought iron and things that look like it, so in spite of the fact we didn't have a lot of extra money at the time, Hubster told me to splurge and spend the $5 they were asking for it. I have used it in the kitchen ever since. It has been such a big part of my life for so long that it came as a slight shock for me a couple of weeks ago when I realized it was no longer working for me. I needed something more functional than decorative.

I window shop on Craigslist from time to time in the off chance I can find a solution for a specific need, and a couple of weeks ago was no different. I came across a tall narrow cabinet that was just what we needed. It wasn't intended to be used in the kitchen, as it's more of a tall skinny desk thing, but thankfully, the kitchen police haven't come around and told me that I'll be cited for using it in the wrong room.

There is a cabinet area with a door at the top with 2 adjustable shelves. Just under it is a docking station where one can hide a power strip and the power cords for cell phones, etc., so they are conveniently available to charge small electronics at any given time. Directly under the docking station is an open area for storage. One one side of the upper cabinet is a section of 4 mail slots and the other side has a place to hang keys that will be perfect for hanging the aprons.

The bottom portion of the cupboard is deeper than the top. Toward the top of the lower section is a small board that pulls out for a writing surface followed by a shallow drawer. There is an open space that follows with holes for adjustable shelves, but there wasn't a shelf included, which is fine. I don't know that we'll need one there anyway, and if we do, I think I have something that will work.

The bottom of the tower ends in a rather large drawer. I'm not sure, if it's supposed to be a file cabinet or what. There aren't any supports in it to hang files on, but it doesn't really matter. I'm not going to be using it for a filing cabinet anyway. I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to store in it just yet. I may store lids to the plastic containers, aprons, cake decorating supplies, or kitchen towels. I haven't made up my mind just yet. It will come to me, but I know I will not be using it for files.

The flash or regret over not having the beloved iron shelf in the corner of the kitchen holding plants has been quickly replaced by delight at having something so practical. 

For years, I've struggled with having a place to put the weekly pill boxes where they are out of sight, but where we will still remember to use them. I've also never quite figured out what to do with the large bottles of vitamins that I used to fill the boxes. I've carted them around in boxes or baskets from one room to another never knowing exactly where to store them. They now have a permanent home in the cabinet at the top of the tower stored neatly with the weekly pill boxes. 

I'm not sure what I'll do with the plant stand. I'll figure it out eventually. In the meantime, I'm the closest I've ever been to a completely organized kitchen, and I can't express the relief this small change has given me. 

It's taking awhile, but I am slowly but surely getting there.

Wherever 'there' is. 

What a spaz.

It's cold downstairs. Cold enough that when I'm working down there I often have to have a space heater going in the cooler months, or I ache for a few days. The laundry room is the worst, because it has unfinished cement floors. I can't handle being in there for very long, if I am not wearing my shoes. Would't you know that the other day I spent several hours working in the laundry room in nothing but my slippers? 


You would think I'd learn, but... 


The last couple of days my back has been spasming as a result. I'm not letting it keep me from accomplishing things, but I'm not able to do as much as I'd like. Maybe tomorrow will be the day it decides to stop. Regardless, I will be wearing my shoes down there from now on. 


In the meantime, I've been cranking out the laundry and trying to get it finished up once again. I am hoping I'll finish up tomorrow, but then again, I've said that the last few times I've posted, and it hasn't happened. That's why I don't like giving myself deadlines. Instead of them inspiring me, I feel horribly guilty, if I don't meet them. I know the laundry room will get done eventually. Soon, even. But life happens in the meantime, and finishing the laundry room is just not my top priority. 


Besides, I'm still making good decisions and processing things. I've been able to let go of things that I wasn't able to even a year ago. I didn't think there was even enough in the laundry room to fill 2 trash bags full to throw away, but I surprised myself and made it happen. I tossed things like old paintbrushes and rollers, buckets that I realized I really didn't need, and old clothes that I realized were just taking up space and weren't good enough to give away. I feel as though the weight upon my shoulders gets lighter each time I'm able to get rid of even one more thing.


The biggest thing taking the weight off the shoulders? Mom seems to be doing better now that she's home from the hospital. Further testing is needed, so we know what the next step is, but we're all just very thankful she's doing better right now. 


Now if I could just figure out how to stop the political calls. And to think we have months left before the election. 

My favorite F words.

When we moved into our home, the laundry room was almost empty. The washer and dryer were in there as well as the hot water heater, water softener, and furnace, but that was about it. There was one small closet at one end of the laundry room that had shelves on side and an open area to store mops and brooms on the other side, and a double wide closet with stationary shelves at the other end of the room. There wasn't a single shelf on the wall, and in spite of the fact that the room was huge, it really lacked efficient storage space.

We stored everything from canning jars to toys to under the bed storage containers with the kids' projects and out of season clothing to gallons of paint in the closets. The shelves were too deep and were spaced too far apart to be practical. I finally got wise and took them out of the large closet at the end of the laundry room a few years ago, and it made all the difference in the world. It's where we now store all the holiday decorations packed away in plastic totes. We finally realized a year or 2 later that the smaller closet was more convenient to store the outdoor Nativity scene than under the stairs where we'd stored them for several years. It took awhile, but we finally figured it out.  

Hubster helped me put adjustable shelving up on the wall above the washer and dryer, the wall above the water softener, the wall above the dresser that I sold on Craigslist last week, and above the double tub mud sink we'd had installed. It made all the difference in the world. We finally had a place to store some of the extra kitchen appliances, the laundry and cleaning supplies and extra rolls of toilet paper and paper towels. 

I've probably gotten rid of a full 1/3 of what had been on the shelves initially, and I periodically go through and purge even more from time to time. The last time I tackled the shelves was when Mom was here a year ago helping me out, and I got rid of a lot back then, but I decided, while working in the laundry room the last few days, that I needed to purge a bit more.

About 10 years ago, we bought a new mattress set, and we got a small plastic tote with cleaning supplies specifically for the mattress. It included different cleaners that worked on various stains and deodorizers to take care of any leftover smell. We use mattress protectors that keep the mattresses clean and stain-free for the most part, so we didn't use it. We used it once after a particularly bad stomach bug, but other than that it. just. sat.  


I realized as I was dusting it last night that I would probably never use it again. I didn't need to hang onto it 'just in case' any longer. It dawned on me that the reason it was so hard to get rid of was because of that stupid little plastic tote. The sticker on the outside announced the store we had visited, and it held everything very neatly. And while I know that the tote itself only cost the company about a dollar, it made it somehow made the contents more important than the other bottles of cleaning supplies on my shelf. It made it nearly impossible for me to get rid of.


For years, I have dusted that thing and placed it right back on the shelf, because I just couldn't seem to let it go. But I am stronger now, and my thoughts are clearer, and I made the decision to get rid of it. I put the bottles of cleaner in a plastic bag for Bugster to use at her house, since she has pets. I thought it might be useful, and if it isn't, she can throw it away. I took the sticker off the outside of the tote, washed it out, stored the floor cleaning pads and replacement duster heads in it, and threw several half-empty boxes in the trash. 

While it was a small victory, it was not the only small victory I had yesterday. We had 3 bottles of the same disinfectant on the shelf, but only 1 of the bottles worked properly. Two bottles always leaked from the sprayer onto my fingers when I used them, eating into the flesh on my fingers. I could never remember which one worked, so I put on a rubber glove to protect my hand, and checked to see which bottle worked. I emptied the 2 that didn't into the one that did, put the rest of the cleaner in the refill bottle, and chucked the others in the trash. 


I came across 2 more sprayers for the gallon jugs of laundry pretreater, and threw them away, as well. I'd tossed 4 the day before and kept 2. I tend to find one that works well and use it until it wears out. I know. I know. The new bottles come with their own brand new sprayers, but they have been known to be defective. I have had to open 3 brand new sprayers before to get to one that actually worked. I hate to be caught flat footed, and I think that's why I felt I needed to hang onto all the extras at the time I'd set them aside. I certainly did not need to hang onto 8 of them, though! I'm going to have to be more conscious of that when I get a new bottle of pretreater.



I have a bit of dusting and laundry to finish up today, and I should be done with the laundry room. It's nice to know that I should never have to tear it apart to organize it again, since it is... 


Finally. Fully. Functional. 

1, 2, 3......375, 376, 377........793, 794, 795....

Praising God and counting my blessings tonight. 


Mom is out of immediate danger with her heart, and the surgery has been delayed for the foreseeable future. I have been weak with relief all day and so very, very grateful. Thank you to all of you who have had us in your thoughts and prayers. They have been very much appreciated!


I spent much of the day working in the laundry room and making some decent progress. I'm hoping to finish up in there tomorrow. 


The laundry room is  huge. It's approximately 1/4 the square footage of the basement. Granted, it has the hot water heater, the furnace and the washer and dryer in it, but there is still a lot of room for storage. There's a double utility sink, an upright freezer, a small closet with our outdoor Nativity scene stored in it, a small dresser with a hutch on top, the 6ft long credenzas we just put in there over the weekend, and a couple of closets at the end of the room that contain roughly 3 dozen plastic totes of holiday decorations. 


Like I said. It's big.


I had to do some rearranging in order to get the everything in its place after bringing in the credenzas for storage. Part of the reorganizing was back near the holiday decorations where we had a bit of miscellaneous stored. The wrapping paper has been stored back there, but I haven't really simplified it in years. Last year when Mom was here helping out, Hubster brought a huge plastic tub in from the garage that had most of our wrapping paper in it. It kept the paper clean, but it was a major pain in the backside, because it stored the paper horizontally instead of vertically. 


It was one of the things I decided to tackle today. I gave myself permission to throw a lot of small scraps of paper today that I'd hung onto for little gifts. I also threw out paper I'd saved thinking I'd use it again, because it was pretty. I haven't used it in all these years, and I realized I never would, so out it went. I sorted what was left into 2  plastic wrapping paper holders using 1 for Christmas wrap, and the other for everything else. It is so nice to have it all upright and easy to see. 


When I was trying to get thing put away in the laundry room yesterday, so I could get to the washing machine to do laundry, (it was torn apart before we knew about Mom, and I had to get some semblance of order in there, so I could get clothes washed, in case we headed out of town), I had to sort through what I had left of school supplies. I'd had them stored on a small bookshelf, so I'd have access to them when we needed something, but when I started going through things again to put them in the credenza, I realized I still had way too much stuff, in spite of having gotten rid of so much already.


Since I started dehoarding, I can't even count the number of packages of theme paper I'd give away. Yet when I was rearranging things in the laundry room yesterday, I counted over 50 packages still on the shelf, because I'd put it there as I came across it while dehoarding in different areas of the house. I have to admit that I was shocked I still had that many. It was obvious to me the hoarding still had a pretty strong hold over me when I was going through the theme paper a year ago, or I wouldn't still have that much left. 


I packed up over 25 packages of 200ct  notebook paper, (I didn't actually count them), for Bugster, Bubster and Frank to use for school, so they don't have to buy any for awhile. 

Notebook paper for Bugster's family.

In fact, the stash may actually take them all the way through school. If they can't use it all, Bugster will take donate it. I also gave them a couple packages of pencils, since they're always needed for school. I did keep just under 25 packages of 150ct theme paper for us, so I ended up getting rid of well over half of what I had on the shelf. All of the school supplies fit in one area of the credenza, and I love having the perfect place for them to call home. 

What's left of our notebooks and paper. A shelf sits right above them with the rest of the school supplies like markers, pencils, crayons and glue. I love that we will know at a glance what we have, so we won't buy anymore!

I'm hoping to finish up the rest of the laundry room tomorrow. I don't have too many loads of laundry left to wash, but I do have some I need to fold or bag up for donation. It will be nice to get all of it out of there and put it where it goes. And it feels really good to be making progress once again. 

Like something out of a fairy tale.

I sat down to write my blog last night and promptly fell asleep on my heating pad. It was the first I'd felt warm all day. I finally woke up at 4:00 a.m., freezing and with a crick in my neck. I couldn't seem to remember, if I'd written a post or not, but I knew I wasn't going to try at that hour of the morning. I shut my computer down and  woke up enough to crawl into bed. I slept like a log. Hopefully, I won't have too many more of those days. I don't like it when I miss out on posting. 


It's not like yesterday was unproductive, though. I didn't get a tremendous amount accomplished, but I did finally make a decision that I'd been putting off for some time. 


About ten years ago, when Bugster and I were coming home from across town, I noticed a dresser at the side of the road a couple blocks from our house. It had a 'FREE' sign on it, so we loaded it up and brought it home. I thought it would be perfect to paint up and use down in the laundry room for storage of some of my cookware. My kitchen is so small that anything would help!

So we brought it home, I painted it up, so it looked cute, and I tried to use it for the extra baking dishes, etc. Except that in the ten years we've owned it, it never really worked for what I needed. Most of the baking dishes were either too large to fit in the drawers, or they were so heavy I was afraid they were going to take someone off guard when they pulled the drawers out, and they'd crash to the cement floor and shatter. So for most of the last ten years, the dresser sat in the laundry room with empty drawers looking cute as can be. 

I can't tell you the number of times I thought about getting rid of it. But every time I thought about it, I'd think of the work I'd put into it, and how I should surely be able to find a way to make it work, and I'd change my mind. I mean, I should be able to use it for one of the girls in their rooms, right? Except that they can't seem to do dressers. The drawers are shallow enough that they'd never be able to keep their clothes in them. They clothes would get bunched up and get stuck when they would try to shut the drawers, or the clothes would get holes or splinters in them from becoming wedged when the the girls shoved the drawers shut. 


I went through the same arguments in my mind over and over and over. For whatever reason, I could never seem to make up my mind to get rid of the dresser. I just knew I would be able to find a use for it, and we'd live happily ever after, my little project and I. 


Still. I kept my eyes open for anything that might work to replace it. I really needed some sort of cabinet or shelving unit instead. Something that I could store things in just like I'd be able to in a kitchen cabinet, if I actually had kitchen cabinets. A few weeks ago, I saw something on the local Craigslist that might work, but then I forgot about it. When I happened across the ad again yesterday, I realized I'd exhausted every possibility for the dresser, and I was completely ready to let the dresser go and move on with my life. 


I took a couple of pictures of the dresser and posted an ad on Craigslist. I wasn't sure what price to list it but decided to be hopeful and aim high. I listed it for $50 or best offer. Within moments, I got emails from 2 different people who were interested in looking at it. I was thrilled, because no matter what I got for it, it would be more than what I paid for it.


This morning when I woke up, I started on the task of bringing it upstairs. I was able to maneuver it up the stairs on my own after having taken the drawers out. I took it outside and put it back together, so it was ready for whichever person showed up to take a look. I probably should have waited for Hubster to wake up to help me, because it turned out to be a bit much for my back, but I just wanted him to be able to sleep in a bit. I'll know better next time.


The first gal who had responded to my Craigslist ad wanted the dresser for her little girl. She offered me $30. We agreed on $40 and helped her get it loaded in her truck, and she was on her way. 


I found a couple of credenzas to take the place of the dresser. They're 6ft long and stacked, they'll be right at 5ft high. They each have 4 doors with the 2 center doors opening to a larger area than the doors on either end. Each compartment has an adjustable shelf, and they are going to be absolutely perfect!


One of the best things? The credenzas cost $30 each. Considering we got $40 for the dresser, and it didn't cost us anything, the credenzas are really only costing $20 total. I am absolutely thrilled we found the perfect solution for such an affordable price! 


And we'll live happily ever after. :)

Scattered thoughts.

Besides getting some more laundry done today and hanging out with the family, I haven't been all that productive in any measurable way.


I was able to toss a few pair of socks that I think I've had since I was in high school. The girls wore them a time or two, but they're not really worth saving. So even though they were clean and were still usable, I threw them away. I have to admit that I was surprised how easy it was to do. A year ago, I'd have had a mild panic attack over throwing them. In fact, I probably did struggle with anxiety over getting rid of them back then, and that's probably why they were still here. 


Over the course of the last couple of years, I've found that, if I just walk away from something and leave it until I'm ready to deal with it that I'm more often than not able to let it go. It may have once been high on my list of anxiety-provoking things to deal with, but by the time I get back to it again I'm ready to say goodbye. There have been numerous things that I've not been able to make a decision about getting rid of in the past, like the socks I threw away today, and I've been able to get rid of them without a second thought just weeks after the last struggle. 


I think a lot of it has to do with allowing myself to feel the anxiety with making a decision instead of pushing it down. Even if the decision I make is to not make a decision right away, feeling the anxiety allows for me to actually make a decision about the item when I come across it again. Most of the time, I am ready and willing to part with whatever it is, and I find that I'm looking forward to tackling those decisions I've put off in the past. 


Some other thought work I did today has to do with a project I'm working on for Bugster's 25th birthday that's coming up in a few weeks. Because she's been known to read my blog from time to time, I won't be mentioning details just yet. But I am thrilled I have a really good idea of what I'm going to be doing with it. I'll be taking pictures and post them when I'm done. I'm really looking forward to working on the project, and making it special. 


I'm also looking forward to bed. Once again, I'm up entirely too late. 

How to burn boiled eggs.

The refrigerator has been driving me crazy lately. I have been wanting to clean it thoroughly since before Christmas. And while there was nothing growing in there and it looked clean at a quick glance, I wanted to get into all the nooks and crannies and get it really clean. Every six weeks to two months or so, I tear it apart and thoroughly scrub it, but life happened, and I got behind.


One thing about this refrigerator that I really struggled with was that the glass shelf above the crisper drawers doesn't come apart from the frame. But some gunk had gotten between the frame and the glass, and I was bound and determined to get it out of there. Yuck! I can't stand that sort of thing! Thankfully, it's not like there's been food under there for years and years, (we've only had the fridge a little over 2 years, and I've kept it very clean), but it still grossed me out. So I started looking around and noticed that there was a little square plastic clip on the back two corners where the glass met the frame. 


I figured I'd pop them out, wash the glass and frame, and then put everything back together. Then...I broke one of the clips. 


My initial thought was one of very mild panic. Where would I get a replacement? In my mind, I started thinking of where to look for a new one. Do I maybe have something in my craft supplies that would work? If I found something, would I be able to find two, or would it bother me if they were mismatched? What about the hardware store? Would they have anything? Would I have to actually contact the manufacturer to get a new one? I wonder how much it would cost.


Then, I took a deep breath, assessed the situation, and considered my options.


I still had one clip in perfect condition. I could just use it on the one side. It wouldn't really show that there was only one, and I'd be the only one that knew about it unless I pointed it out to someone. I could try to replace it, but was it really worth the trouble? And then I realized there was another option that I would have never even considered a couple of years ago.


I could just... throw the clips away.


Hmm.


What a novel idea.


What would happen, if I threw them away? Well, I wouldn't have them anymore. But realistically, the world wouldn't come to an end. It wouldn't hurt me. It wouldn't hurt the refrigerator. In fact, there's a chance that the clips were put in there only for moving the refrigerator across country or from the appliance store to the home to keep the glass from falling out and breaking. But we aren't going to be moving the refrigerator anytime soon, except to clean under it. It's not going to be moved to the garage or downstairs or across town. It's staying right where it is.


It would be difficult for the girls to dislodge the glass, because of the way it fits into the frame, so that shouldn't be a problem. Even if Hubster or I put something in there in a hurry, it's still not going to move the shelf. It's secure. And if we sell the fridge, we can always just use tape to secure the glass. That's what we've done in the past, and the world didn't come to an end.


I did consider keeping the clip that was still intact, but I realized it would just take up room in the drawer, and it would possibly get broken in there anyway. Plus, by the time we would need it, I probably wouldn't be able to find it. So I threw them in the trash. Even the good one. 


I did hesitate for just a moment and felt my pulse quicken ever so slightly, as I tossed them in the trash. But I did toss them, and I didn't look back once they were gone. It was a relief to have made a decision and be totally comfortable with the decision I made. No second-guessing. No looking back. No self-criticism. Just relief.


So I finished cleaning out the refrigerator from top to bottom, and I'll work on the freezer later this week. My back couldn't take anymore stooping today, so it didn't get done, but I got quite a bit done in the kitchen that I'd been putting off. Got the dishes caught up and deep scrubbed the stove. I even checked the eggs in the fridge to make sure I only had fresh ones in there.


I put them in a gallon bucket of cold water and waited to see, if any floated. I took the three that floated, wrapped them in a grocery bag, tied it shut, and threw it in the trash. I dried off the ones that were the freshest and put them back in the egg container in the refrigerator. Then I took the 5 that were starting to bob in the water just a little bit and decided to boil them, so I could make potato salad. I put them on low heat and started making lunch.


I got the onions, peppers and cheese out and made quesadillas for lunch and sat down to eat with the family. We took our time eating, visited for awhile and just enjoyed one another's company. Then I went downstairs for about ten minutes to work on something, and when I came back up, I smelled something. I wasn't sure what it was. And suddenly it dawned on me that I'd left the eggs on the back burner on low! Sure enough. I'd boiled them dry. 


I added a bit of hot water out of the tap, and the pot and eggs were so hot that the water started boiling immediately. I was shocked it happened so quickly! After the eggs had cooled enough to peel, I decided to check one to see how bad they were. Sure enough, it was a dark, dark brown. I didn't even know it was possible until today, but now you know how to burn boiled eggs.


You're welcome.

RFP

When I was working in the closet yesterday, I came across a pair of shoes that I no longer wear. I got them at a shoe store several years ago after having my gait tested on a treadmill. They were so comfortable, and I could walk in them for hours without getting a back ache. 


I vaguely remembered something being wrong with them, but for whatever reason I hung onto them when I went through our bedroom and the big purge a year ago. I must have felt they were irreplaceable. I do know I'd wanted to get another pair, but I don't recall whether or not I looked to see, if anything was available last year or not. So after I tried them on and realized what was wrong with them, (the air pocket in the right shoe had deflated), I checked to see, if I could find the identical pair online. 


I couldn't.


I found several pairs in different colors. I'm just wasn't sure they'd fit the same way this pair did, and I wasn't willing to take the chance and spend the money not knowing for sure. I took the shoestrings out for the girls and gave them each one. Then I took the shoes and tossed them in the bottom of the big black trash bag that goes out tomorrow. 


Scooter was bummed that I threw them. She wanted to play with them. She has a habit of taking every pair of slippers or shoes I'm not wearing at the time and piling them up beside her or walking around in them, and she wanted these shoes. Thus, the bottom of the trash bag. Good thing I had a shoestring to offer as a consolation prize.


Even though it's likely to be a glaringly obvious thing to others, it didn't dawn on me until today that I could just go get another gait test at the shoe store. When the time is right, I'll pack myself up in car, get myself on the treadmill at the store, and get myself a new pair of shoes. They don't have to be the same brand. They don't have to be the same style. They just have to be the right ones for my gait, and they'll be able to help me at that store. 


So the shoes no longer live in my closet. I think I was hanging onto them, so I wouldn't forget that experience I had when I had my gait tested the first time. It was such a neat experience. I could never seem to pick out a pair of shoes that felt right until then, and it was life changing. It allowed me to get out and walk trails that I normally couldn't walk. I was active and healthy and happy. I want that again, but I don't need the shoes to remind me. 


I will remember. When the time is right, I. will. remember. 


I'm slowly but surely remembering that I don't need to use objects to remember important things, and it's helping me to slowly but surely get rid of stuff. 


Relentless forward progress and all. 

Feeling productive.

I'm exhausted tonight but quite satisfied.


Hubster and I were able to get the small entertainment center down to the workout room/Hubby's library today. There's still a little to be done in there, but we are well over 90% done with the room. There were only 4 boxes of books that weren't sorted, because they were either my books or they belonged to the girls. I'll have to get to them eventually, but I'm okay, if it takes me awhile.


Once Bugster has a quick look-through on the books and takes out what she wants, Hubster will take care of them. I'm not sure, if he'll try to sell some of them, or if he'll just donate them. The big thing is that after being boxed up for 3 years, (almost 2 in the storage pod on the driveway, and 1 down in the workout room), the books have been sorted and Hubster will be able to get to them whenever he wants.


He was funny when we were unpacking them. He just kept getting excited over seeing a book he'd forgotten that he had. He was like a kid in a candy store with unlimited credit. It's going to take awhile to do, but he's going to write down each book he has, so he knows what's there. He said he's really looking forward to 'shopping' in his books when he wants something different to read, instead of buying something new. 


I think the most exciting part for me with the whole thing is Hubster's excitement. I'm so glad that he has access to all his books after 3 years of them being stored away. I have a small inkling whathe feels like, since I've gotten some of my craft things sorted. 


I'm looking forward to getting to the point he is with his books with my own things. It's going to take me awhile, because I don't think there's much Hubster can do to help me. He could move boxes and such, but he can't really help other than that. 


I wonder, if I can talk him into doing dishes from time to time, so I can have that extra little time to work on my stuff...

How do I know, if I'm a hoarder? Pt 4 - Too many categories.

I've always struggled with sorting things. It's not that I can't sort. I can. But something I have in common with other hoarders is sorting things into too many categories. 


For example, in the past, instead of just being able to close the box of crayons and put them away, I would have to sort them into like colors. It wasn't good enough to sort all the shades of red together. I'd have to sort them into shades of red starting with the pink on one side and ending in purple on the other. And it's something I did every time I'd put the crayons or markers away.


And laundry? 


Towels are sorted into:


     *Kitchen
           *Darks
           *Whites/lights
     *Bathroom
          *Darks
          *Colors
          *Whites
          *Reds


Clothes are sorted like this:


     *Sweats
          *Reds/Pinks/Purples
          *Oranges
          *Darks
          *Colors
          *Whites
     *Pants
          *Black/BlueJeans
          *Khakis 
     *Dress clothes
          *Light Weight Clothing
               *Reds/Pinks/Purples
               *Oranges
               *Darks
               *Colors
               *Whites
               *Whites with any sort of non-white trim
          *Medium Weight Clothing
               *Reds/Pinks/Purples
               *Oranges
               *Darks
               *Colors
               *Whites
               *Whites with any sort of non-white trim
          *Heavy Weight Clothing
               *Reds/Pinks/Purples
               *Oranges
               *Darks
               *Colors
               *Whites
               *Whites with any sort of non-white trim
     *Sweaters
          *Light Weight Sweaters
               *Reds/Pinks/Purples
               *Oranges
               *Darks
               *Colors
               *Whites
               *Whites with any sort of non-white trim
          *Medium Weight Sweaters
               *Reds/Pinks/Purples
               *Oranges
               *Darks
               *Colors
               *Whites
               *Whites with any sort of non-white trim
          *Heavy Weight Sweaters
               *Reds/Pinks/Purples
               *Oranges
               *Darks
               *Colors
               *Whites
               *Whites with any sort of non-white trim
     *All other shirts 
          *Reds/Pinks/Purples
          *Oranges
          *Darks
          *Colors
          *Whites
     *Sheets
          *Darks
          *Lights
     *Underwear


Thankfully, the kids are grown now, and I don't have to do all the sorting I did for their clothes when they were little anymore. I generally washed them separately from the rest, because their skin was much more sensitive. So add all the categories above to baby clothes, and you can understand why I've struggled with laundry over the years.
     
And when I clipped coupons? Yeah. I pretty much micromanaged my coupons. I stopped using them, because it was so time consuming. And toys? Oh my goodness. I'm not even going to go there. And this doesn't even scratch the surface of all the things that I need to sort in a day. 





Needless to say, it's exhausting. 


I've been able to curb the sorting of crayons and markers. And the toys the girls with are not the type that need sorting as much now. I still have a lot of their old toys, but they'll be sorted into 3 main areas when I get to them. Keep, donate & trash. And I will be getting rid of most of them. 


But I don't know that I'll ever be able to sort the laundry any differently than I do now. For whatever reason, I can't seem to put the categories into bigger groups. I can handle crayons just being crayons. 


But I can't handle laundry just being laundry.

Me and my hangups.

When the court visitor was here last week and looked in Scooter's closet, she said, "Wow. OCD much?" She thought Scooter had arranged the closet, but I told her I had. I explained that it just made things so much easier for Scooter to find what she needed at a glance. I had all of her clothes sorted and hung neatly. Starting at the left were the long-sleeved blouses followed by short-sleeved blouses, short-sleeved t-shirts, long-sleeved t-shirts, pants, dresses and skirts, and each section was arranged by color. To me, it just looked nice and neat. It makes things much easier for Scooter to see what's available in her closet and to pick out what she's going to wear for the day. 


I was thinking that her closet was the only one that looked like that, when I realized all of them do. Hopper's closet has one of those wire closet organizers installed, so it's organized a bit differently but even the coats in the coat closet are organized by who wears them with the winter coats to the left and lightweight coats to the right. And the linen closet looks amazing, if I do say so, myself. Everything is folded neatly and in its place, and looks great. Best of all, things are very easy to find. 


When any of the closets start to get messy and disorganized, I find my anxiety level goes up. It's just disconcerting. Maybe it's because they're the only truly finished areas in the house. All I know, is that I have to have them looking neat and organized as much as possible.


It can be a real hangup for me. 


Almost 2 years ago, I wrote about the struggle I was having with my hangers. I had so many different types  of hangers that I was compelled to sort them every time I passed them by. I had to have a different color for each person in the house, and it drove me absolutely nuts when the colors were mixed up in the closets. I wasted so much time and energy on them.


At the time, I realized that the best thing for me to do for myself in regard to the hangers was to start over from scratch, and I gave myself permission to buy all new hangers for our tops. It was hard for me to justify the expense, but I'm so glad I felt I was worth the small cost. It has helped tremendously. 


At the time, I thought I could get away without doing anything about the pants and skirt hangers. Well, that's not entirely true. I did get rid of a hodgepodge of pants hangers (at least 4 different styles and 4 different colors), but I still had 3 different colors and 2 different styles left. I've found that it's still too many choices for me.


In the last 2 years, we've had black, opaque and clear hangers that had the pinch things on them that opened like a clothespin to hang the pants or skirts. The clearest ones were supposed to only be used for Scooter's clothes, because her pants and skirts are the lightest weight, and they'd be least likely to break the hangers. Then the black pinch ones were Hoppers, and the opaque pinch ones were Scooter's. Hubster's hangers were black, but instead of pinching open and closed, there was a little part that went over the clothing and then a silver piece slid down over the plastic to hold the fabric in the hangers.


It's bothered me over the last 2 years, but it hasn't bothered me enough to do anything about it. 


Until today. 


This past week, I realized I've been wasting a lot of time and emotional strength and energy on these stupid hangers. It was frustrating when one of Hopper's was used to hang my clothes, because none of mine were available, or when some of Hubster's clothes were hung on Scooter's hangers and were heavy enough they snapped the hanger in two. Never mind the amount of time waste looking for the 'right' one to use when I had something to hang. 


I've tried for years to make the hangers work. But now that I've come to the conclusion that they aren't working for me, I've decided to do something about it. I realized that it was worth it to buy pants hangers in bulk on eBay, so I'm not obsessing over the mismatched hangers anymore. I will donate the old mismatched ones. The new ones will take the stress over who is using whose hangers away completely, and they'll cut down on the time looking for the right hanger to nothing. The choice will be gone. 


I'm already looking forward to their arrival next week. It will just be one less hangup for me to deal with on a daily basis.


I can deal with that.