The time I had with my family was fleeting and went by so incredibly quickly that I wanted to spend every waking moment soaking it in. I decided my blog could wait. But I'm back home now, and I hopefully won't be missing any more.
I have tons of stuff to do. I'm motivated to get back to it, but I'm taking the day off. We've been invited to The Bugster's house for a BBQ to celebrate Independence Day. We'll go over sometime this afternoon. The girls are still sleeping, so it might be awhile.
We got home this morning around 4 a.m. It was a long car drive, but it was uneventful overall. PMS ruled the backseat, so we had a few issues on one stretch of the trip, but smiles eventually prevailed. I'll take smiles and laughter over PMS any day. Let's just say we're glad to be home where we're not held captive by 4 doors and 4 wheels.
It was hard leaving to start our journey back home. I usually can't talk for the first 50 miles or so because of the lump in my throat. This time the lump lasted about 150 miles. This was the first we'd been home since we lost Daddy. It still felt like home, but there was a definite emptiness without Dad. The strangest thing though, was that it didn't really hit me until we were pulling out of town. I'd once again pushed my feelings aside until I could deal with them. I grieved again like I haven't in a very long time.
It's always hard leaving to come back home. We have to leave family. I know my family is unique. The more I'm around other people and hear about their families, the more unique I know my family is. The depth of love that we have for one another is unrivaled. And our kids flourish amongst their aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins. Shoot. We all do.
The hubster and I talked a lot about it on the way back to our home. We've lived here for 17 years, yet we still consider our hometown home. How weird is that? We discussed all manner of things, but the crux of the conversation lie at the feet of our desire to move home again someday. We are both feeling a pull to go back permanently. We always do. Every single time we visit home. But this time, I think it's different. It's no longer a gentle tug but an all out tug of war kind of pull.
This time, I think we may actually do it. This time, I think we're serious. Only time will tell, but we've made very tentative plans to move back in 5 years. At that point, both girls will be out of school. The dehoarding should be complete. We would be debt free. And we'd have a little more equity in our home to make things easier.
On the downside, we'd be leaving Bugster and her new husband. That would be so incredibly hard.
Maybe they'll be ready for a move then, too.
Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.
You can read the start of my journey here.