Motoring

Four and a half years ago when I started this blog, after watching my first episode of Hoaders, I remember looking for other hoarding blogs. I know I've written about it once or twice and how disappointing it was that they didn't keep up with their blogging. It made me think that perhaps they weren't successful with dehoarding their homes and getting their lives back together. Had they stopped blogging, because they had fallen off the wagon, so to speak, and were just embarrassed to come back and admit it? It saddened and concerned me. It made me wonder, if I'd ever be able to get it all done myself. 

It didn't dawn on me that perhaps blogging got to be too much for those who had started their journeys and that life won out. At least it didn't dawn on me until it happened to me.

The last several months have been full of, well, life. That, and my computer died on me. So I'm actually borrowing Bugster's computer for the day, so I could peruse the internet for awhile and drop by for a quick blog post.

Since Hubster had his gallbladder out back in March, our lives have been filled with all sorts of everything. 

Scooter's had some health issues that caused liver and spleen enlargement, (We never did find out the cause, but she's doing much better now.), she graduated from high school, and she's now going to her day program 5 days a week, and is thrilled she didn't have to start school last week with the rest of the students in the district! 

Hopper has done very well. A year ago, we took her in for a surgery consultation. The doctor was willing to do the surgery, but she wanted Hopper to lose some weight, so the insurance company would be more willing to approve the surgery. She's lost 29 pounds, (12 of which she'd gained in the previous year due to some medication she was taking), and the surgery is a go. We just barely got approval for it a few weeks ago, but we are beyond thrilled that she will be able to have this surgery! It will be life-changing for her. The downside of this is that her anxiety is quite high while she awaits the surgery scheduled for the end of October. 

I definitely added to her stress level. The last 2 weeks of July, I was in class for 8 hours a day to become a CNA. Hopper doesn't do well at all with change, so for me to not be home during the day was very difficult for her, in spite of the fact that I was always here with the girls in the evenings. The days were long, though. The girls' hours were extended at the day program for those 2 weeks, and it just took its toll. It was wonderful getting out of the house, being back in the school setting, and meeting people, but it was also exhausting. Still, I would do it all again in a heartbeat! 

Unfortunately, it's brought out the worst in my fibromyalgia. I've been in the worst flare I've had since I was diagnosed with it 6 years ago. It doesn't help that I ran out of some of the things that help when it gets out of control. Thankfully, they should be here tomorrow, so I will, hopefully, be fully functioning again soon. And thankfully, we haven't had any major wildfires this year, so my asthma is under much better control than it was a year ago. I'm still on a small amount of daily oral steroids, but I should be done with them shortly, so things are looking up.

I'm looking forward to taking my state test, so I can get my license and be hired on to be the girls official caretaker. It will be really odd to have an income for the first time in our 28 year marriage. It's not that I wasn't allowed to work outside the home. Hubster's not like that. I'm not, either. If he had said that he didn't allow me to work outside the home, my first stop would have been to flood the market with job applications. But I can't think of a single job where I'd have been able to call in and say, "Yeah. I need the next 3 weeks off... Hopper and Scooter have another cold." So this will be a life-changing thing for our family, and I'm looking forward to the freedom it will allow us.

Now to answer my original question. Have I left my blog, because I'd fallen off the dehoarding wagon and was too embarrassed to admit it, or has life just been overly full?

I'd like to think it's mostly that life just got in the way. While the dehoarding has taken a backseat to life, it's still in the car, and we're still putting along.

Of Dying Frogs and Honey.

Lately, I've had the worst time trying to concentrate. It's as though someone is sitting on the remote that controls my thoughts and their butt is sitting squarely on the + button causing the channels to change at a dizzying pace, all the while an elephant sits squarely on my chest making breathing close to an impossibility. I have to remind myself that the elephant will eventually get bored and will move on, but for now nebulizers are the only thing that helps, and they don't last nearly as long as I'd like them to. This junk that Hopper brought home and decided to so generously share with Scooter, Hubster and me is awful. I'm hoping the stupid elephant clears out soon and takes whoever is sitting on the remote with him. 

The last few days, I've worked on things that are on my master list that don't take too much energy. I've mended, altered, and added new elastic to a dozen or so of Scooter's skirts. She's thrilled, because she absolutely adores skirts, but I really do need to get it finished up soon, so I can reclaim the kitchen table for meals once again. It's harder to get anything done with the girls home sick, but ...(this sentence was interrupted by the need to clean up the remains of a wall plaque my parents got me that was broken by Scooter in a fit of irritation)...I'm hoping to finish them up tonight when they finally go to bed.

I feel horrible that I made Scooter feel bad about breaking it when I yelled at her. She has this habit of intentionally breaking things when she's not happy. She's done everything from chucking dishes across the room to bending/tearing toys in two, to ripping her necklaces and bracelets that she absolutely loves into pieces when she's angry. It's been very frustrating for all of us. She also has a habit of going over to a hanging plant we have in the living room and pushing it so it swings when she's irritated. And I don't think Scooter broke the plaque on purpose, but I think she figured she'd make it swing like she makes the plant swing back and forth when she's mad. To be fair, she isn't feeling well today, but I really do wish there was a way we could curb this behavior. We've been dealing with it for 20 years now, and although she's gotten better and not doing it all the time, she still can wreak havoc when she's riled. She apparently has her mama's temper from what I understand. 

My younger self pleads the fifth at the mere suggestion.

When I talked to Bugster the other day, she said I sounded like a dying frog. I feel like one, too. And the only thing that seems to quell the cough is honey. 

So I'm off to feed the frog.

Busy. Busy. Busy.

I can't believe it's been 2 months since I've posted on my blog. I remember when I first started blogging I thought I'd never be one of those bloggers who waited so long to write a post. Ha. It's funny how life can get in the way of blogging.

Thankfully, I just have a really sensitive sense of smell, and my blood sugar was not very elevated back in August when I had it checked. My fasting glucose test was totally normal, and my A1C was at borderline pre-diabetic levels, and I'm sure it's gone down since then. Still, it was a much-needed wake-up call! We've made drastic changes to our diet because of it, and we're starting to see some really positive results.

While my asthma still is not under control, it is finally responding to the new medicines I'm on, and I've been able to start tapering the steroids. I am so very thankful! I'm down to half the daily amount I started on back in June, and I'm hoping to be off them entirely by Christmas. And the number of breathing treatments I've needed has dropped by more than half. At the peak of the fires this summer, I was doing 7 a day. I'm now down to 3. It's progress for which I'm very grateful!

We've been busy with medical appointments for the girls. We've averaged 3 to 4 appointments a week since the last blog entry. The only break we had in appointments was after Hopper had surgery a couple of weeks ago. It doesn't look like things are going to slow down much on the medical front before the end of the year. We've already got another surgery scheduled and another one that we'll be scheduling next week. I'm glad the girls are getting the medical treatment they need, but I'm looking forward to a break in the action. I'm tired. 

I haven't done a lot of active dehoarding in the last few months, but I have no doubt that will come in time. I've had bigger things on my mind. The whole blood sugar scare, along with one surgeon wanting Hopper to lose some weight, so she can have a major surgery sometime next year has really opened our eyes to the way we were eating. We're now making a very concentrated effort to eat as healthily as we can. As a result, we've all lost a little weight. I'm down 15 pounds to date, Hubster is down 18, Hopper has lost 5 and Scooter has lost a couple, although she had the least amount to lose. And the best thing is that we've all been healthier than typical for this time of year. Yay for fruits and veggies!

Speaking of which, I've got about 40 pounds of tomatoes from the garden that need to be processed. I already canned several pints of Tomato Basil Sauce that is amazing, but now I need to make some salsa and can it, some more sauce and some whole tomatoes to use this winter. Even though our tomatoes didn't do as well as they did last year, I'm thrilled that we'll have such yummy goodness from the garden all winter long!

I'm hoping to get back to some serious dehoarding one of these days as life slows down a little. I'm also hoping to get back to more regular blogging. I miss it. And now that we no longer need to have the air conditioner on, (it is just feet away from the computer), I can actually sit at the computer without freezing.

There's something to be said for good weather blogging.

Imagine, If You Will, A Sugar Glider In A Maple Syrup Bath House.

About 12 years ago, someone gave us 3 sugar gliders, because they could no longer keep them as pets. Technically, they gave them to Bugster, but we all enjoyed them. Imagine a small squirrel - a baby squirrel works well. That's about the size of a sugar glider. All 3 of them could squeeze into the pocket on a button up shirt. Granted, they had to cram themselves into the pocket to all fit, but they loved each other and made it work. Besides. They're social little creatures and like to snuggle. 

We enjoyed them for the time we had them. They would 'fly' from one person to the other, if the second person had a treat for them. And they were great little insectivores! They'd actually grab miller moths out of the air and eat them like a cob of corn. It was fun to watch, because, well, the miller moths got what they deserved.

They really were neat little things, but we only had them for about six months before we realized we couldn't keep them anymore. The smell was overwhelming. It's not that it was insanely unpleasant. They smelled like whatever they ate. So they smelled sweet like the strawberries, apples, oranges and other fruit that they ate. Well, except for miller moths. Well, except that they probably would have smelled like miller moths, if they'd eaten enough, and well, miller moths aren't fruit. So there's that.

And while the smell wasn't too bad one whiff at a time, it was sickeningly sweet, if you were around it for any length of time. Because everything they ever came in contact with picked up their smell. Their bedding. The cloth over the cage kept it dark and warm enough for them to sleep. The couch that was sitting a bit too close to the cage. The walls where they'd spray the moment that you wiped the walls down. Again. It didn't take long for the smell to permeate every thought, every dream and every nose hair in existence. 

So yeah. We had to get rid of them. 

And I haven't thought of them for years. But in the last week or two, they've been on my mind a lot. I could almost swear I was smelling them in my sleep again. Except that I wasn't. I was smelling myself. 

Ok. So that came out wrong. Really, really wrong.

But I really did smell like the sugar gliders did. Only like they'd taken a bath in maple syrup before they ate the miller moths. The smell was a little more subdued, but it still reminded me of them. And I realized I recognized the smell. I remember thinking it was odd when Scooter would smell faintly sweet like that when she was little and was on steroids for her asthma.

And let me see. Yep. I'm still on prednisone. I haven't been able to start the step down on the dosage yet, because my asthma is still that out of control. 

And then I remembered something that I tucked away in the back of my mind for a good 12 to 14 years. I was in a homeschool chat years ago when a regular came in and told us about her harrowing experience with her daughter. She said that her daughter came in complaining of thirst and ended up drinking 2 gallons of milk in the span of less than an hour. And when she realized it, she got her daughter, (who smelled sweet), to the hospital immediately. She was in a diabetic crisis and was on the verge of going into a diabetic coma.

And then after a talk with a friend, I knew I needed to look into the connection between steroids and blood sugar and smelling sweet. Turns out that prednisone can induce diabetes. Great. Granted, it can reverse itself once the prednisone is stopped, and that is likely what happened with Scooter when she was little, since she doesn't have diabetes. But it can also be a permanent situation. 

I went in to the asthma and allergy doc yesterday. He ordered a fasting blood glucose test and an A1c to see, if I am indeed diabetic. In the meantime, I'm doing my best to cut all sugar from my diet. It already has seemed to help. I didn't wake up at all last night from dreams of sugar gliders picking miller moths out of the air to munch, because the smell wasn't there. And I haven't had the headaches I was starting to get that seemed to go hand in hand with the smell. I will miss my morning caffeine-laden soda that I've come to depend upon, but I will not drink anymore. The last thing I need to do is end up with permanent diabetes, because I couldn't say no. If I feel like I desperately need caffeine to help with my breathing, I'll make myself a cuppa tea. 

In the meantime, the doc told me yesterday that he's concerned that I haven't been able to decrease the amount of steroids I'm taking. My asthma should be responding better to the meds I've been on, and my lung function test should have been better than it was yesterday given the small pharmacy I have at home. And I should not still be needing 4 to 6 nebulizers a day. 

So that new inhaled steroid my doctor put me on about a month ago? Yeah. He had me stop it and had me start yet another one. Technically, he had me start another two. I'm really hoping they kick in and help my breathing drastically. Because if they don't, there aren't a huge number of options left, and the one that's on the horizon sounds a little scary. It's an injection they give once or twice a month. It can cause heart attacks and strokes and anaphalaxis. To top it off, you have to fill a script for 2 epi pens before they even give you the first shot, and once you've started taking it, you must carry said epi pens around with you. Everywhere. 

The good news about it is that, when it works it works really, really well. And the percentage of people who have had the severe reactions are relatively small. And I could come off the prednisone and hopefully get my blood sugar back into normal ranges...and get my life back...and get back to dehoarding..and to painting bedrooms...and to getting more projects marked off my projects list..and....

and...

and the list goes on...

Brain matter.

Just when I was starting to feel better, Hubster brought something home from work and decided to share. Enter Cough, Cough, Whiz, Whiz Part Two. I've been sputtering and wheezing all week. Let's just say it's been a really, really long week. And I'm really, really thankful for the cough suppressant abilities of honey. It's the only thing that really even seems to work. Now I just have to heat the bottle up in some hot water, so I can get it to come out of the bottle again! Making a mental note to put it on the grocery list, so we're not out of it next time we get sick.

In spite of the fact that I feel worse in some ways, I am better. My mind is clearer than it's been in quite some time. But part of that is the brain spatter all over the hallway walls. 

Ok. It's not technically brain matter, but it feels like it in ways.

I took some legal sized card stock I've had for a few years and made several lists. I made a list for each of us, so I can make sure nothing slips through the cracks as far as our medical, dental and vision appointments. I also made a list of what I intend to do in Scooter's room when I get around to painting it and finally finishing it up. I have a lot of ideas, and I just don't want to forget any of them. I also have lists with other projects that I have on  my mind as well as a master list of gifts that I want to make and give. 

All in all, I have 7 or 8 lists hanging in the hallway. So far. And although it feels like my mind is exposed for all to see, I can't tell you what a huge relief it's been! By having them on the wall vs in a notebook, I see them every day, I won't lose them, and best of all, I can add to them, as I need to. In fact, I have a couple other lists floating around in my noggin that I need to get out, so I'm sure there will be a couple more hanging up by the end of the weekend.

Somehow getting the thoughts out on paper like that is so helpful. I know I'm not going to forget anything, and I'm no longer carrying it all around in my head. As a result, I have been able to get more done in the last week than I have in the last couple or three months! 

Now, if I can just get rid of this cold, I'll be golden!

Ok. So maybe not golden, but at least I won't be lead!

 

Of Slugs and Smoke and Asthma.

The smoke seemed to have cleared up a couple of weeks ago, but the asthma has remained. There is still a haze over the city to the point that it's often hard to see the mountains, so I think we're still getting smoke from out of town. The smoke just isn't settling into the valley like it had been awhile back, but I don't think the air quality is what it should be just yet. Maybe by the end of summer, if we don't get any more fires around here. Maybe.

The fires have had my asthma more out of control than it's been in years. At the height of my breathing issues this summer, I'd been doing 7 breathing treatments a day for a couple of weeks. That's a lot. Too many. But at least doing the treatments kept me out of the hospital. The treatments combined with the massive amounts of steroids I'm on, anyway. It's taken forever to see any major improvement in my breathing, but I am finally down to only 5 treatments a day again. Considering I started the breathing treatments at the end of May, I'm a little bit frustrated. I'm trying not to be, but it's hard not being able to do much of anything around the house. 

I've been a lethargic slug for weeks now. I can't seem to do much of anything without needing another breathing treatment, and it's sort of getting old. The house is a complete and utter mess, and I'm doing my best to not let it get to me. Needless to say, I'm not getting a lick of dehoarding done. I know it will come in time, and that I will be successful, but I want so badly to get to work on it. It's just that I can't right now.

I did go into the doctor this week. She changed up my inhaled steroid to a different one, hoping it will help. I was at the highest allowable dosage on the one I'd been using for years. Unfortunately, when a person is at the highest possible dose, and they go into a major asthma attack, it tends to be much worse than it would be at a smaller dose. So here's to hoping that the new steroid will kick in and make a difference, because this is the worst attack I've had since I was in respiratory failure almost 20 years ago. Not good. Not good at all.

We sprung for a new filter for our portable air cleaner and got it installed the same day I went to the doctor. Several years ago, someone gave us a really, really good air purifier. An Austin. They're super expensive. Over $500 expensive. And the filters are over $200. But, from the reviews, they're worth it. The filters can last up to 5 years, which is amazing in and of itself. If the filter doesn't last that long, you can get a discount of up to 40% on the replacement, so we felt it was worth it. 

The person who gave us this filter several years ago used it in her aviary. When we got it, there were feathers sticking out everywhere, and it was in bad shape. But I donned a mask and vacuumed it out where I could. Then I took the air compressor and sprayed the dust out of the HEPA air filter. It literally took a couple of hours to get it clean, but I felt I got it fairly clean. Clean enough that we used it off and on for several years. It's just that it's been putting off a nasty smell since we turned it on after the fires started up this year. It was just plain time to replace the thing. No ifs, ands or buts. So considering that we've used it for probably 8 years, and the only cost we put into it was the $214 for the filter this week, it's been a good thing.

Now I'm hoping for greatness from it. 

I feel better this morning that I have in quite awhile. I'm hoping I can decrease the number of treatments I have today, but we'll see. I had to go out for doctors' appointments 3 times this week, and that means I was exposed to anyone and everyone who had coughed or sneezed in the doctors' offices. I am just praying I don't end up getting sick with anything I may have been exposed to. Steroids greatly lower the body's immunity, so if I do get something, it could be serious. 

I really need to get some vitamins going again. Anything that can strengthen my immunity. In fact, I think I'm going to go order some now...

The sooner I get started on them the sooner I get well...
 

K Sare Ah. Sare Ah.

Wheezy.

Wheezy and snotty.

Wheezy and snotty and tired. 

Really, really tired. 

I'm trying to keep things together until our insurance kicks in 5 weeks from now. I have been fighting something, but I'm not exactly sure what it is. I think it's likely just allergies, but whatever it is has decided to play games with my asthma. Stupid whatever it is. And it's not that I'd necessarily go to the doctor even, if we did have insurance. It's just that I'm trying to keep things together, so it doesn't get so bad I have no choice but to go in. That's all. It just feels weird to be without insurance for the first time in almost 20 years. I think I just sort of took it for granted when we did have it and assumed it would always be there.

Needless to say, I'll be happy to see the insurance cards come in the mail when the time is right.

I have slowly but surely getting my mental energy back. The physical energy is coming along bit by bit as well, but I have to admit that I look forward to being able to being able to put in a full day's work more often than I have been without being totally worn out for the following few days. I need to get back into taking my vitamins more regularly. I sort of got off track back in February when I had my second tonsillectomy, and my train is still derailed.

I do have to admit that part of the fatigue today has to do with the events of the weekend. We finally got the second raised garden bed in the backyard built last weekend, and we got it all filled with the good soil and manure and compost and such yesterday. So now my tomatoes and peppers are all planted! I'm so excited!

I still want to get the pallet garden done, so we can have lettuce and spinach and peas and such, but at this point, I honestly think I'll be okay, if it doesn't happen. I mean, I'd really, really like to get it done, so I haven't ruled it out just yet. I just don't know, if it will happen this year or not. 

Whatever will be, and all, right?

Springtime in the Rockies

It's that time of year again. You know, the time when you have record temp lows and snow every Tuesday of April? Yep. That time.

Went out to the backyard with Bugster, so she could grab a planter to plant her mint in, and I couldn't believe the job the wind did on the backyard. I know a lot of it is just as we left it last Fall, but there is definitely a bit of a mess from the wind, too. 

It was a bit overwhelming to see the amount of work we're going to have to do to get the backyard back in order. The apple tree is still only partially down with the limbs reaching across half of the backyard. We'll be cutting it into smaller pieces and possibly splitting it for people to use in their smokers. We also have a couple of ash trees we had to cut down a couple of years ago that we have to finish up. Hopefully, if we get it cut and split, we can sell it as firewood or use it to barter for services and get some help on the yard.

As much as I'm overwhelmed with the backyard, I'm dying to get my hands dirty and work out there! I always feel so much better working outside and getting the fresh air. We're getting an old pickup truck soon, because we have needed one for years. We're getting a good price on it and buying it from a reliable mechanic, so we should get several years out of it, and we'll put it to use on the backyard first.

Well, that, and getting some pallets for gardening. We have an area that always seems to end up overflowing with weeds at the side of the house. It borders the fence between our house and the neighbors', and it will be perfect for pallet gardening. It's about 25'x3', and it will be home to all sorts of lettuce, spinach, peas and assorted herbs, as well as a pumpkin or two that will be allowed to travel the fence and make its way down the edge of the driveway. It may not happen this year, but eventually, I would love to grow enough pumpkins that the kids in the girls' day program can come out and each year and pick one. 

 And although it would be pretty growing in a pallet garden, I don't think I'll be growing any mint this year. Bugster brought some over last night that she got to plant in her own garden, and I made the mistake of smelling it. In fact, I smelled the peppermint and spearmint along with the other two varieties she bought. It brought on a lovely asthma attack, and it reminded me that I need to be careful of certain things. So when I want some mint-infused water this summer, I'll have to borrow some of Bugster's mint. Not that she'll want it back. I'll offer to return it, anyway. 

I'm thinking a pallet garden is the way to go to make the meddling neighbor happy, too. We put up a privacy panel with lattice at the top at the side of our house shortly after we moved in. It was a little on the narrow side for the space, so we took more lattice and attached it to our panel and the neighbor's fence post. Unfortunately, the lattice started coming down, and between the wind and a little extra help from our neighbor, there's nothing there now. It doesn't look very good at all. If we get her consent, we'll go ahead and put up a small pallet, attaching it to her fence on one side and to our panel on the other, add some flowers or ivy, and I'm hoping she'll be happy with it. It would definitely be an improvement over what is going on out there right now.

I think I need to start making some lists with all the big things we have to get done around here, so I don't feel so overwhelmed. It's funny how just writing it down makes things less stressful. 

I'm sensing a theme here...

Wa to the hooz to the ie!

Today's been a busy day. I've spent more time on the phone today than I have in the last couple of weeks combined, and my throat was able to handle it for the most part. I feel almost human. This is best I've ever felt after any surgery I've had, and I couldn't be happier or more relieved about it. I was able to be productive in spite of my circumstances, and I'll take it!

Hubster took yesterday and today off, so he could help me out and watch the kids, since I'm restricted in what I do for a few days. He ended up taking both girls into their doctors. Turns out Scooter has strep throat. So now we're waiting for a call from my doctor to let me know, if I need to start on antibiotics, too. Considering I had an infection in my throat when he did the surgery, I'm thinking the chances are fairly good it was strep, since Scooter tested positive. We'll see what happens.

They're going to start digging up the yard tomorrow, as far as we know. The yard work is actually a little less than what we anticipated, which is good. If all goes as planned, they'll put in the clean outs and replace the sewer pipe all the way to the road. Once they're done, we should never have a problem with the sewer getting clogged again. 

On top of that, they'll also be putting in a back flow regulator thingy in the floor in the basement. There will be a flap inside the sewer drain that will keep the sewer from coming into our house, if the city has an issue and it starts backing up again. When we went to my nephew's wedding almost 2 years ago, the city sewer backed up into roughly a dozen homes at the end of the block. We were very concerned we'd be coming home to a mess again. Thankfully, we didn't come home to a mess that time, but it has felt like we've held our collective breath waiting for it to happen ever since we bought the house. It will be so nice to have it done and over with!

We will be getting a little more work done, since they'll be out here working on the yard. They'll be moving one heat vent from the floor in the bathroom to the wall. It's mere inches away from the tub, and if anyone slops any water over the edge of the tub, it goes down into the vent and drips down in the laundry room downstairs. With it being in the wall, we will no longer have to deal with the mess!

They'll also be putting in an exhaust fan in the bathroom downstairs. It has a window in it, but you can't really open the window to help with the humidity in the winter time. It's too cold. So we have a dehumidifier running in there all the time, or the walls are dripping with condensation. It's a mess. Plus the dehumidifiers work so well during the winter that poor Hubster feels like he's a shock absorber. He can't touch anything in the house without shocking himself with static electricity. It's sort of funny, but I can totally understand why he's getting sick of it!

And because we're getting so much work done with the same company, they're going to clean our air vents/ducts out for free!! We've been having to change the allergy filters, (the ones you're supposed to be able to leave in for as long as 3 months!!), on the furnace every 2 to 3 weeks, and they're absolutely gross by the time we change them out! It's no wonder our asthma flares up so badly when we have the furnace on! Almost as nice/important as kicking the asthma on its rear is that we won't be dealing with 'magic dust' anymore. You know...it's the dust that accumulates on furniture just as quickly as it is wiped away. 

The payments on the loan aren't going to be the funnest thing in the world, but it will be worth every penny we have to pay to get this stuff done!

Wahoozie! Things are looking up!

Encouraged. Yet not.

It is such a relief that the Waldo Canyon Fire is now 90% contained, and they're predicting it will reach 100% tomorrow! There is still fire burning within the containment lines, but at least it shouldn't be growing and spreading anymore. We're supposed to get rain over the weekend, and I'm just praying it snuffs out the rest of what's left. The smoke that has been drifting and settling over the city has really impeded my breathing ability.

I've been so discouraged lately as a result of not being able to breathe and not being able to go outside. I've been outside twice this week. The first time I took the trash out. The cans are less than 15 feet from the front door. I was taking my rescue inhaler so often that I ended up on steroids. 

Then yesterday I went out to check the automatic timer that we bought, so I wouldn't have to go out to water the strawberries and rhubarb until the smoke had cleared. Due to a brain burp I had when programming it, I accidentally set it to water every 7 days instead of once a day and the strawberries were drooping. I reset the timer and was back in the house within 2 minutes. 

I've been sucking on my inhaler ever since.

I know that this is just a temporary thing, but it's so frustrating. When I was back home for the 6.5 weeks, I was going all the time. I had no choice but to be capable and in control of my life, and I actually enjoyed it. 


For quite some time, I've been intimidated into going out into public with the girls alone. It's time consuming, difficult, and an all day task that always seems to culminate in a backache and a neck stiffened by tension. But I had no choice when I was back home, since I was on my own for 4 of the 6.5 weeks. It was still time consuming, difficult and ended in the backaches and stiff necks from time to time, but I felt so confident in my abilities. 


I've doubted myself for long enough that I'd gotten to the point I never left the house alone with the girls for more than a quick trip to the grocery store. It's left me too dependent upon Hubster and even on Bugster from time to time. It's allowed me to ... well... to sort of give up on myself. 


When I got back home, I was riding the momentum of the personal success I'd had when I had no choice but to get things done on my own. I was ready to seize each and every day and make some progress. Get things done. Get on with my life and my new-found independence. 


Instead, I'm back to where I started before I left. My asthma is out of control. I'm dependent on Hubster and occasionally Bugster to do things away from home that I can't do due to the smoke in the air, and it's driving me nuts. My asthma is even bad enough right now that I'm not accomplishing jack in the house. It's an absolute mess, and I'm horribly saddened and embarrassed by it. 


I hate this. 


I'm hoping that with the rains that come in this weekend clear the air of smoke and the steroids that I'm taking kick in full force so I can I get back on track. 


I need to get out of this funk.

I'm not giving up. Just having a rough day.

I'm tired and a bit frustrated. It seems as though my pants are super glued to the seat of the chair since we've been home. Not all the time, but enough of the time that it's hard getting anything substantial done, and Lord only knows I've got substantial amounts of things to do!


I haven't gotten nothing done. I just haven't gotten enough done to be satisfied with myself. 


Maybe tomorrow?


It definitely depends on how my breathing is. The altitude has taken longer to get used to than I expected. I'm sure the fires are part of it. We've had smoke down here, in spite of the fact that we're quite a ways away from the fires. It just sort of lingers in the air. I'm staying inside as much as I can to limit my exposure, but I really need to get some shopping done, and I'm concerned about going out with the way I'm feeling.


Oh...and get this...


One of the fires that's affecting us is the Springer Fire. It's near Lake George, CO. And some idiot has decided that now is a good time to light some arson fires in Divide, which is just a few miles down the road from Lake George. In fact, there were 7 such fires put out today alone. It seems as though the entire state of Colorado is burning right now, and some idiot thinks he'll add to the drama? I hope when they catch him they'll... Let's just say I hope they catch him and stop him before he ends up killing anyone with his twisted game. 


What is with people these days?!?!?!


I have a headache even trying to figure it all out. Guess I'll try to go sleep it off and hope for a better day tomorrow.

Boo! 2

Went to the doctor yesterday. She put me on steroids. She felt it was my asthma and not bronchitis. I feel quite a bit better, so maybe she was right. I guess I'll know in by the time I'm done with the meds. 


My back is spasming a bit tonight. I overdid a bit when I was trying to help Hubster bring in a small entertainment center in from the car. It's going in the workout room to store a few more of Hubby's books and such, because the entertainment center we have down there for his books already isn't going to be quite big enough for everything. This one has 4 drawers to hold the miscellaneous stuff that won't go on a shelves. 


It was so heavy, so we tried using some of those straps that help with moving items by using leverage. I guess we should have read the instructions a bit better, because we didn't use them quite right, so it really wasn't much lighter than carrying it in on our own. It wouldn't have been so bad, if I hadn't just been hit by a huge wave of perspiration that happens to me every single time I am on steroids. So I was soaking wet when we went out into the frigid air to bring the center into the house. By the time we got the piece in the house, my muscles had already started to seize up a bit. 


It's probably a good thing I'm on the steroids for my asthma. They will likely help my back a bit while they're at work. In the meantime, I'm really thankful for my heating pad and muscle relaxants tonight. It will be easier getting it down the stairs tomorrow, (we can slide it down on its back or side), and then we can put a piece of cardboard under it to slide it to where it needs to go. 


We're still hoping to get the rest of the boxes of books unloaded down there tomorrow, but we'll be happy, if we can get at least 80% of them done. Hubster would be able to finish the last of them without my help, and with 80% of them put away, I'd be able to get to the workout equipment that I need to use. It's a win/win.


Had a little more fun with the girls tonight. I'd asked Scooter last night, if she wanted to scare Daddy tonight before she went to bed. She was thinking about it all day long and would periodically just start trembling with excitement. It was adorable! I clued Hubby in without her hearing me, so he'd know to act surprised, and we set things in motion.


I helped her in the bathroom and then we ran into her bedroom and hid behind her closet. Hubster asked Hopper really loudly, if she knew where Mommy and Scooter were. She told him we were in the bedroom and tried telling her daddy that we were going to try to scare him. She was laughing so hard that it was difficult to understand her, so Hubby just kept going.


In the dark bedroom, Scooter and I were hiding behind the door, and she couldn't stop giggling. Because she's non-verbal, she isn't very loud, but Hubster said he could hear her out in the hallway before he even came in. She was about ready to explode with anticipation, so when her daddy finally made it in the room, and I yelled, "Boo!" she jumped about 3 feet in the air and couldn't catch her breath from laughing so hard. She had the biggest smile on her face and was still giggling, when we turned out the light and shut the door. Hopper thought the whole thing was hysterically funny, as well. I'm sure we'll all be talking about it again tomorrow.


I love it when the girls are happy like that. They make me smile. :)

Ribbit.

The last few days, my asthma has seemed to be getting worse. You know. The wheezing-heard-round-the-room-kind-of-asthma. I've felt pretty worthless, but I've still managed to get some laundry, paperwork, and sorting done.

After working for several hours on paperwork and sorting today, I sat down to take a bit of a break tonight. I swallowed wrong and ended up in a coughing fit that had my chest muscles feeling the sting of lactic acid comparable to that of a marathon. Forty-five minutes later, the coughing was finally under control. 

I'm no longer wheezing, but it's obvious I've got bronchitis. I strained my voice enough from coughing that I sound like I swallowed a herd of frogs. 

I just wish it didn't feel like they'd taken a dump in my throat. 

Defrosting.

The guy came out and fixed the furnace this morning. It was just in time... It's supposed to be even colder tonight than it has been the last couple nights. It's good to know the space heaters aren't going to be getting a heavy workout tonight. Every year we hear of house fires caused by space heaters, and every time we use them, I can't sleep for worrying about them getting too warm and causing a fire. It just always sets my nerves on edge.

And even though those trusty space heaters got a workout, they had a rough time keeping up. It never got past 66° in the house and got as low as 62°. And while that might seem like a balmy Spring day coming out of the cold of Winter, it's too cold in the house. Not only does the cold affect my fibro and cause it to flare a little, it always sets off my asthma, as well. And of course it happens just when I was getting my breathing back under control.

I'm really looking forward to warmer weather. I don't mind the snow. I enjoy it, even. 

But my body craves warmer days.

Soon, Judy. Soon...

Which came first? The chicken or the egg?

Mom said that when I was a kid I was fastidious at keeping my room clean. Everything had a place, and everything was where it should be. I was a neat freak. I would apparently get very frustrated with my sister who was more lax in her efforts to keep the room clean. Now, however, it would appear as though my sister and I have changed places. She is the neat freak, and I am...well...not.

What's funny is that I remember having problems with keeping things well before I even made it into my teens. One of my brothers had won a 6ft long stuffed snake at the fair for me. Actually, we had two of these snakes. He gave one to me and one to my sister. Mine had yellow and light green spots on it, so of course it was the one he picked out for me given my affinity for yellow. I remember having a love/hate relationship with it. I loved the fact that my brother had thought of me when he won it, but I never really knew what to do with the thing.

I believe I hung it from the ceiling at one point, because it didn't take up as much room up there as it did on my bed. I'd try to get creative with it and coil it up, but the thing was so stiff it didn't coil. . And it was so full of stuffing that it didn't even bend in half unless forced. When I finally got a toy net, it hung along the back of the toy net so it's head hung out the one side with it's tongue sticking out, and that was as close as I ever came to having a permanent place for it. As a toy the snake was rather useless. I couldn't cuddle with it, because it smelled dusty. It always made me want to cough, which I'm sure is because of the asthma I've had my entire life. We'd hang it outside on the clothesline to try to air it out, but even that didn't help much. It didn't really work as a weapon, although it may have, if Mom hadn't put an end to our attempts at battery. It was simply a thing to display.

The thing is...I think I may still have it. I think it's out in the storage pod in a box of things I didn't know what to do with that I packed up several years ago. If it is in a box, it's because after 30 years it is finally creased in places it was never meant to bend. If it's not there, then I may have finally donated it after agonizing over what to do with it one too many times over the years. I do know that I hung onto it for far too long, because I didn't know how to give it up. I didn't know how to let it go, because it symbolized the love my brother has for me.

I still have the Orange Blossom perfume another of my brothers bought me when he went to Ft Lauderdale, FL for Spring Break one year. I was probably about 8. It doesn't take up very much room. The bottle is only about an inch high and 3/4" wide. I kept the seashell it was wrapped in for years and years. I have no idea what happened to it, but I apparently parted with it somewhere along the way. The last I remember seeing the shell was before we moved into this house 9 years ago. This summer I finally parted with the long sleeved Ft Lauderdale t-shirt he got me the following summer, but it was really, really hard.

I guess my point in all this is that I've had hoarding tendencies all my life.

Even when I was a neat freak, I had trouble letting go.

Shhh. Don't tell The Hubster I'm seeing someone else.

Not sure, if it has to do with the paint fumes I've been inhaling over the last several weeks, cold germs the kids brought home from school, dust from picking apples over the weekend, the colder air outside that my body isn't used to, or all of the above, but my asthma has kicked into overdrive. I'm so frustrated. I have things to do, and I don't like not being able to do them. Still. I know that in order to get over this attack, I need to cut back for a bit.

So. No painting today. Probably no more painting for a couple of days. Just when I was so close to finishing up. Ugh. If I do any painting in the next few days, I'll definitely have to wear a mask. I probably should have been all along, but masks make it harder to breathe, so I have a tendency to go without them when I'm outside, if I can. I don't know how much a problem adding the plastic to the porch was, because I haven't been out there painting since we put it up except for maybe 10 minutes yesterday. Still, the ventilation isn't as good as it was a few days ago. When I start painting again, I'll make sure I roll as many shades up as I can to increase the airflow.

If I could just increase the airflow in my lungs. Meh.

Unfortunately, I think it's just a combination of things, and I'm going to have to take it a bit easy for the next few days.

Looks like the laundry and I have a date.

I wasn't onto anything.

Several weeks ago, I thought I was onto something. Turns out I wasn't.

For years, I drank a 2 liter bottle of caffeinated soda every single day. Sometimes more. According to the pulmonologist, it likely helped keep my asthma from getting out of control over the years, so I didn't feel too bad about drinking it.

However, 3.5 years ago, I gave it up completely. I felt fine. It took me a few days to get through the headaches, but my energy level stabilized, and I didn't feel bad for having stopped drinking the caffeine. Last October, when we got sick with the Swine Flu, and my asthma went way out of control, and I had to be put on steroid after steroid after steroid, I started drinking cola again. And it definitely helped with the breathing. I have no doubt in my mind that it did.

However, I've also had problems with it. I've been having problems with peripheral neuropathy when I drink the caffeine, and I'd totally forgotten that I'd discovered it quite by accident last summer.

We were out of town, and it was breathtakingly hot outside, and I was so thirsty that water didn't seem like it was cold or wet enough. So I got a raspberry iced tea. And man, did it taste good! We got home a short while later, so I filled up my mug with ice and cold water and continued drinking nothing but water for the rest of the day.

However, later that evening, I noticed that I was having problems with peripheral neuropathy. It was like I was being stuck with pins and needles indiscriminately all over my body. Like someone was doing a bang up job on a voodoo doll, and I was the intended target. And I never would have thought of the caffeine or the tea, except that I was paying attention to my body for a different sort of reaction from the tea. I don't remember now what it was, I just remember being surprised when I put 2 and 2 together and came up with caffeine = pain. And I didn't drink anymore tea or anything with caffeine in it until we got sick in October.

Then when my asthma went haywire and I started drinking the cola, the neuropathy didn't bother me at all. It's like my body used all the caffeine I'd ingested to help with my breathing, and it didn't bother my nerves. And I've been drinking the equivalent of 3-12oz cans of cola every day since then. That's about the same amount of caffeine in a single 8oz cup of coffee.

The last several days I've been getting sharp shooting pains like one gets when their feet get too cold in the wintertime, and you come indoors and they start to thaw. I've hardly been able to make a fist with my hands from the pain in my forearms. And even though it's been near 80 in the house, I've had to keep a sweatshirt on at all times, or I ache all the way through to the bone. I have to sleep under thick heavy covers, or the pain wakes me up.

I know that some antibiotics have the potential to cause peripheral neuropathy symptoms. In fact, I started one such antibiotic before I'd finished my steroids the other day. So here I've been thinking this whole time that my problem has been with the antibiotic. And it may be partially to blame, but I think it's more likely the caffeine. I've taken this antibiotic in the past with no problem whatsoever. The pain has come just from the last couple of times I've taken it. And both times have been while I've been drinking the cola.

I have been breathing much more freely. The bronchitis appears to be gone. I think that at this point my body just doesn't need the caffeine, because the steroids worked, and I'm breathing better. That in fact it's trying to tell me to stop with the cola. I'm listening. I've had to take a half a vicodin every 4 hours today to keep the pain manageable, and even then it hurts.

Yep. I'm listening.

The message is loud and clear.

Steroid induced incoherent ramblings. My apologies.

It seems like today has been horribly long. But being souped up on steroids to get the breathing under control results in very little sleep. Four hours to be exact. And I feel like I could fall asleep and sleep until next week right now. Except that I still have a dose of steroids to take, and it'll keep me awake again. So. Yeah.

I explain none of this to whine. Only to show that I have a totally reasonable reason for rambling tonight and being totally incoherent, or if you understand any of what I'm writing, I suppose I'd go for being semi-coherent. Hah.

Went to the doctor this morning. I'm on a short course of antibiotics again to try to get this under control. I think they'll do it. I feel like I just need a little extra push to get me through it, so I'm hopeful. Had good news on the TB test as well. It was negative. As hard as it is to know that my husband was exposed to TB, it's a great relief to know that he didn't expose us. To have 4 of us on antibiotics for 6 to 9 months straight could be nerve-wracking to say the least. So we are both quite thankful.

Stopped at a couple of thrift stores while I was out today. I haven't been in a thrift store in months. I almost got some suitcases, because we do need some, and all we have are duffel bags. However, they weren't sporting a clearance/markdown tag, so I passed on them. They were still a good buy. Only $7 each, but I just decided to skip it. I did get 4 pieces of stemware to go with our good dishes. A couple of ours got broken while the good dishes were stored on the kitchen countertop for the last year and a half.

The new glasses don't really match the ones that broke, but they coordinate, so they'll work. The ones we had were solid blue. These are a clear glass with a blue foot and stem. They'll work. And when we have the newlyweds over, we'll all be able to share a little sparkling apple cider or SquirrelAide. SquirrelAide has been a holiday tradition in our house since we got married. It's just half Squirt and half KoolAid, but it's just so yummy! The grapefruit flavor of the Squirt gives it a nice little kick that other lemon-lime sodas don't. We'll be set for our next holiday toast as soon as I get the glasses washed, bleached and put away with the holiday dishes.

I spied a really big bag of all sorts of craft stuff for $4.99 at the one thrift store. It had a myriad of craft goodies in it. A new roll of magnetic tape, a couple skeins of new raffia, several yards of 3"wide lace, lots of pony beads, a couple new rolls of metal raffia and lots and lots of buttons as well as several other tantalizing tidbits that I was drawn to. I'm always attracted to craft stuff. I'm physically drawn to it and visualize everything I'm going to make with it within seconds of seeing what I have to work with. I looked at the bag of goodies for less than 30 seconds and decided to put it back. I have enough craft stuff in the storage pod on the driveway to last me my entire life. So I put it back and walked out with nothing from the second thrift store.

I still want to get the suitcases this weekend, if they're still there, because they'll be 50% off, but I don't need anything else. And I'm not going to feel bad, if I can't find suitcases right now. Duffel bags will work fine until things settle down. Eventually, though, I'd like to get some hard sided suitcases and paint pictures on the outsides for the girls, so they'd have very unique suitcases for when we travel. It will happen. Someday. I'm okay, if it's not anytime soon. I have enough on my plate right now.

Other than running to the doctor, doing a little window shopping at the thrift stores and picking up my medicine, I didn't do too much today. The wind was whipping up really bad, and it took several neighborhood trees down. Didn't feel like being under a tree when it snapped, so I just grabbed my unplanted veggies that had fallen and put them in a safe place out of wind's way. I did get a couple of loads of laundry done and some heavier cleaning in one of the bathrooms, but nothing impressive.

Oh. And I got to watch the LOST series finale. I'll miss the show. It's a wee bit like saying goodbye to a friend. Not a sad goodbye. Just a goodbye.

I'm hoping I'll have gotten some sleep tonight and can get a bit more accomplished tomorrow. It's the last day of school, so I'll take the girls somewhere for ice cream, as is the tradition, and do what I can when we get back home. And I'm even okay, if nothing gets done tomorrow. I'll be spending some time with my girls.

Funsies to all!

Help! I don't like hum a dity!

The humidity has been horrible today. We've had heavy rains off and on and just a general thickness to the air. I don't like it when it's muggy. It makes it harder to breathe. Add the cold we have on top of it, and yeah. I'll just be glad when the sun dries up the humidity. Hopefully tomorrow. And I really am thankful for the rain. We needed it desperately. It just doesn't take much moisture in the air to feel like it's too much when one lives in a steppe climate.

Ok. I'm done with my whine. I've already finished my cheese. So..onto other business...

In spite of the humidity and overall blechness to the day, we got a little bit accomplished. The hubster and I finally installed all the light fixtures we bought almost a year ago for the basement. In fact, we just finished. They look so nice! They have an iron vine design that wraps around the light fixture. We got 5 fixtures plus a lamp all in the same design for less than $150 last summer. They were being clearanced at one of the local hardware stores, and we'd already decided that was the style we wanted, so we were thrilled when they went on sale so cheap. They should have cost us right at $300 total. It was a nice little savings for us.

Eventually, I'll get a picture up. Right now, though, I'm going to go relax with my wonderful husband and my trusty heating pad.

The powdered sugar has been retired to the freezer for when we need it again. Thankfully, my knee is back to normal.

I think I may be onto something.

For over 20 years, I drank a 2 liter bottle of one cola or another every day except during my pregnancies. My pulmonologist said that caffeine naturally converts to theophylline in the body, and that drinking the constant small amounts of caffeine all day long likely helped keep my asthma in check all these years.

Three years ago in January, I stopped cold turkey, and I didn't have any to speak of until this past October. I did have an occasional iced tea, but I found that the caffeine made the neuropathy associated with my fibromyalgia to flare. I felt like someone was sticking me with needles all over, and I'd jump every time it happened. It was miserable, but it didn't happen, if I didn't have caffeine, so I just stayed away.

Then in October we ended up with the Swine Flu at our house. I craved ice cold colas during this time, so I ended up adding a glass or two a day to my diet. Nothing like I'd had before, but enough that I felt better. I've had a few 2 liter bottles since October. I try to only drink it when I have a bad cold or bronchitis and my asthma is acting up. I've gotten used to drinking it enough that I don't have the problems I was having with the neuropathy, but I really can't afford the calories, and the diet sodas give me horrid headaches, so I figured I'd just stop completely again.

However, this afternoon, a rerun of The Doctors was on in the background for noise. My ears perked up when one of the doctors started talking about how drinking a cup of coffee or tea right before a workout helps with muscle pains. My head was spinning as I thought about the last 3.5 years.

No sense in going into great detail, but the 3.5 years included our youngest daughter having a complete spinal fusion, losing my dad to cancer shortly after his diagnosis, the tragic loss of our beloved nephew to suicide, losing another to incarceration after an accident in which someone died, and my nephew was driving drunk, significant medical issues for me, including being diagnosed with fibromyalgia and a severe allergy to dogs, countless sewer backups in the laundry room and then the pipe freezing and flooding the basement.

Stress affects fibromyalgia. And although I can trace the fibromyalgia back to when our oldest was born 23 years ago, and we've gone some amazingly stressful years with the kids and their medical issues, my fibro never got to the point of being debilitating until 3 years ago. After I quit drinking soda and caffeine. It had gotten to the point that some days I couldn't even raise my hands above my chest from the pain. Also, in the last 3 years my asthma has been the worst it has been in years and years - more out of control than in.

Needless to say, I'll be talking to my doctor and doing a bit of experimenting with caffeine doses to see, if it makes a difference in my health. However, I will be giving up the soda again. At my weight, I don't need the extra calories or any of the other unhealthy ingredients. I haven't completely decided, if I'll just trying drinking a cup of tea every morning, or if I'm going to try some caffeine tablets like NoDoz.

Regardless of the method I chose, I think I'm onto something. And I'm hopeful.