Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.

You can read the start of my journey here.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Poor me.

I didn't start this post out as a 'poor me' post, but it appears to have morphed into one. Sorry about that...

I'm so discouraged.

My back has been killing me the last few days once again. It's nearly impossible for me to accomplish much of anything when it's hurting like this. Twenty six years ago, I ruptured a disc in my lower back. I've struggled with pain from it ever since. Then three years ago when my dad died, I ruptured the one right below it. I also managed to move one of my vertebrae forward three to four millimeters at the time of the second injury. The only toe I've felt on my left foot in the last three years is my big toe. The other four are numb due to pinched nerves.

I have gotten several cortisone shots in my lower back to numb the pain for awhile, and while it works for a time it's not ideal. I don't like the fact that the shots lower my immunity. It's the last thing I need during the winter months when I'm already apt to catch everything the girls bring home from school and hubby brings home from work. I purposely didn't get any cortisone shots last year, because we were so sick the way it was. There just wasn't any use it making things worse. So it's been almost two years since I've had one. I would really love the relief, but I'm not willing at this point to put my health in jeopardy to get one.

However, if things don't change, I may have to give in. The way it is, I'm taking medicine daily for the pain. I fluctuate between three different pain medicines and a muscle relaxer, so I don't get addicted to any one medicine, but often times the meds knock me on my behind. I don't like taking medicines that mess with my head when the girls are home unless The Hubster is available to take over. I feel like I need to be 100% available, should they need me. As it turns out, the most effective pain meds for my back are the ones that knock me out, so I'm in pain most of the time.

It's discouraging on so many levels, because when I'm in pain, the dehoarding pretty much comes to a full halt. I feel like I've accomplished something on high pain days, if I get a shower in and am able to feed the girls and do the dishes. Lately, I haven't been able to do any dehoarding or working on paint projects or anything, although the painting came to a halt because of my asthma and the weather.

It's supposed to be much warmer tomorrow than it's been over the last few days, and my breathing is much better, so I'm hoping to finish up the painting projects tomorrow or at least work on them. I can sit down to work on it, so I can give my back a bit of a break. I'd just love to get it finished up.

It would at least help me feel like I'd accomplished something.


  1. I'm so sorry that you're feeling so poorly and are in such pain! I'm sure whatever decision you make about the cortisone shot will be what's best for you.
    I hope it is indeed warmer weather for you tomorrow so you can get the painting done and feel productive!

  2. Hugs to you my dear lady,it is so frustrating and disheartening to always have pain.Hopes and prayers for relief for you

  3. So sorry about the back pain! I sure hope your doctor has something to offer for help!

  4. Oh no!

    I was wondering, if you do get a cortizone shot, are you (and the girls) able to get a flu shot? Could that help prevent some winter illnesses?

    (I'm sure that my suggestion is like when someone tries to give me helpful hints with allergies - I've already thought of it and either already do it or it won't work for me.)


Welcome to The Closet. Feel free to take off your coat, hang it up, if you can find the space, and sit a spell. I just love your visits. :)