Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.

You can read the start of my journey here.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

What was I thinking?

So we decided not to work in Hopper's room today and to work in the garage instead. The garage has been packed pretty much floor to ceiling, wall to wall, since we moved in here over 9 years ago. And we realized that a couple more weeks sleeping in her sister's room won't bother Hopper nearly as much as getting the garage at least straightened around and partially cleaned out for now will help to get the pod emptied. And we need to get that pod out of here. We're hoping before the end of August.

Filled up 2 huge trash cans to the brim with trash. A lot of it was just plain trash, but there was some stuff that I'd saved thinking i would donate it when I got enough stuff together. Never happened, because I couldn't find it when the time came to get it together. As I was looking at it today, I wondered what I was thinking when I had set it aside to donate. I'm sure that some of the stuff would have gone directly into the charity's dumpster had I ever gotten as far as dropping it off.

It's a subtle reminder that I am indeed a hoarder. That my mind works differently. That I struggle with making decisions on the value of an item and often assign too much worth to the worthless.

I'm so afraid of sliding backwards and getting even deeper into hoarding that I feel I can't slow down. I'm afraid the H in the ADHD has kicked into overdrive. Which is good in many ways. I'm getting a lot accomplished. At the same time, I'm definitely overdoing on some days as well. But I know a slow down is coming. It always does when the weather starts to turn cold, school starts, and viruses grow out of hand. It's beyond frustrating.

I'm really hoping that the progress we've made so far will spur me on to continue on my quest. And while I know that I will always have hoarding tendencies, that does not mean I must surrender to them.

I refuse to unfurl the white flag.

I can and will beat this.


  1. You're doing a great job! Your explanations about how you feel are fantastic. I wish I could express my feelings in writing as well as you do!

  2. You are doing brilliantly , just keep on going slow and steady

  3. Just keep unfurling the white'll all be good! -J

  4. you can do it!

    what you wrote about setting things aside to donate later when you had enough things to donate made me laugh. I have the exact same problem.

  5. Of course you will Judy!
    You are a feisty character, with the mental strength of an ox! Keep going ... you are doing splendidly!


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