Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.

You can read the start of my journey here.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Where to start?

I've always been a big list person. It somehow helps to see what I have to do, so I have more of a chance of getting it done. Sometimes.

Other times, I've either made the list too detailed, and it takes as long to write the list as it does to finish the task, or I find I have problems, if I'm not detailed enough. I think what I may try to do is break it down to rooms, and try to just get one room finished at a time. Granted, there will be lots of lists for each room, but it may not seem quite so intimidating, if I can get one room finished and have a visual reminder of what I've accomplished. Still, it's likely going to take a year or more to get the house where I want it to be.

I know in a general sense what needs to be done. I think I'll be getting back on my antidepressant. I went off it for awhile due to some health issues I was having. The antidepressant wasn't causing the health issues, but going off the meds gave my body a much needed rest. I find I think a little more clearly on it, and I am still battling depression a bit. Plus, I'm fully expecting to have a problem parting with certain things as I get to them, and I don't want it to waylay my progress. I'll be talking with my doctor about it next week when I see her.

My progress probably won't be that great to start with. I have a lot of irons in the fire right now, but I'm going to try to do a little each day. I haven't decided yet, if I'm going to take before and after pictures or not. I probably will, but I don't know yet, if I'll share them. At this point, I think I'm a little too chicken!

My husband and I have talked a bit about what I'm going to need for support. He promised he's not going to threaten to pull a dump truck up to the garage and just start pitching stuff in. It sounds so stupid, but I get very anxious when he's threatened that in the past. I am so afraid I'll lose something important like pictures of the kids when they were little, or our wedding pictures, if he does it. His promise helps. It takes quite a bit of pressure off.

I didn't do a lot today but start the blog, list some things on Craigslist to sell and make a list of things to get done tomorrow. We have some big cabinets downstairs that are super heavy that need to be taken outside. I won't be able to do a lot as far as the lifting, but I will do every thing in my power to make sure they're gone tomorrow. They've been hanging over our heads for awhile now, and I've been going back and forth about whether or not I want to keep them. Indecisiveness is the bane of my existence!

I'm hoping to do more tomorrow. I did make a hard decision today though. Just a little baby step, but it was still a step, and it was still hard. I threw a paper Christmas stocking our youngest made in school. It had beads she'd glued on it, and some little pieces of puff noodles, but it was bent and torn in a couple places. I second guessed myself several times, because I know it would really hurt her feelings to know I'd thrown it out. It really bothered me, but I also know that it will be better for all of us in the long run, if I can get rid of these things that are holding me and my family back from living the life we want to live. Eventually, we can make a new stocking (out of felt, so it doesn't wrinkle or tear!) and make new memories.

I desperately need to make this work.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Welcome to The Closet. Feel free to take off your coat, hang it up, if you can find the space, and sit a spell. I just love your visits. :)