So I did it. I took the 'before' pictures today. The whole time I was taking them, I thought I was going to get sick to my stomach. I cringed with every click of the camera, but I know that I need to do this, so I have a record from where I've come, that I may never go there again. But it was HARD!
While taking the pictures, I heard myself making excuses again. That this, that and the other thing wouldn't be as bad, if only: I had help. I didn't live with 3 other people with hoarding tendencies. I had been well the last couple of years. I hadn't hurt my back. I hadn't been in such deep grief after losing my dad and my nephew within 5 months of one another less than 3 years ago just months after our youngest had a spinal fusion. If only.
And while there may be truth in each of the excuses, it doesn't excuse the mess I'm/we're/the house is in. I do have a couple of more pictures to take, but I already took the SD card out of the camera. I just can't look at them. Not right now. Maybe when I'm all done with things, but not right now. And I won't be posting them anytime soon, either. I'm not there yet.
However, I am elbow deep in a box of paperwork that's 18" x 18" x 24". Yes. It's a huge box, and it doesn't even touch the total amount of paperwork I've still got to sort. But I'm sorting it now, because I need to get the box out of here. It's slow going, but it's going. I'm over half-way done, and I will get through it tonight. It's already resulted in 2 grocery bags of shreadables, a half a bag of trash, and several newspapers to the recycle box.
I have to remember to not look at the big picture too often. It's a bit too daunting.
But I will keep my eye on the prize.
Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.
You can read the start of my journey here.