Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.

You can read the start of my journey here.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

But I don't WANT to look at the big picture!

So I did it. I took the 'before' pictures today. The whole time I was taking them, I thought I was going to get sick to my stomach. I cringed with every click of the camera, but I know that I need to do this, so I have a record from where I've come, that I may never go there again. But it was HARD!

While taking the pictures, I heard myself making excuses again. That this, that and the other thing wouldn't be as bad, if only: I had help. I didn't live with 3 other people with hoarding tendencies. I had been well the last couple of years. I hadn't hurt my back. I hadn't been in such deep grief after losing my dad and my nephew within 5 months of one another less than 3 years ago just months after our youngest had a spinal fusion. If only.

And while there may be truth in each of the excuses, it doesn't excuse the mess I'm/we're/the house is in. I do have a couple of more pictures to take, but I already took the SD card out of the camera. I just can't look at them. Not right now. Maybe when I'm all done with things, but not right now. And I won't be posting them anytime soon, either. I'm not there yet.

However, I am elbow deep in a box of paperwork that's 18" x 18" x 24". Yes. It's a huge box, and it doesn't even touch the total amount of paperwork I've still got to sort. But I'm sorting it now, because I need to get the box out of here. It's slow going, but it's going. I'm over half-way done, and I will get through it tonight. It's already resulted in 2 grocery bags of shreadables, a half a bag of trash, and several newspapers to the recycle box.

I have to remember to not look at the big picture too often. It's a bit too daunting.

But I will keep my eye on the prize.


  1. Take it easy on yourself . Regardless of how things got to where they are , you are taking HUGE steps to chenge it and that is what you need to remember. No excuses, you don't need them .You are doing great work!

  2. Wow. It's such a healing thing to document progress. You're making a lot of head way! Way to go!!

  3. I hardly think of myself as amazing, but thank you, Ami. Thank you all for the encouragement! It really does help! :)


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