Recharging.

Things are going well here. We're thrilled that weather is keeping Mom here and we get to enjoy her company a bit longer.

We've been plugging away here and there on the dehoarding when we can. We've gotten most of the Christmas decor put away, but we'll take the tree down tomorrow and get the decorations put away that I didn't get around to last year. They've just been sitting in baskets waiting all this time. They'll be dusty, to be sure, but I'll be thrilled to dust them and get them put away. It will be such a relief to finally have them done.

It's been so nice having Mom around to be able to bounce ideas off. I've had problems getting rid of a few things and talking with her has helped me make decisions. For example...


Several years ago, The Hubster was deployed, and he asked his mom to order flowers for me. So she did, and she signed the card instead of just letting the florist. When she signed the card, she wrote 'I "love" you' on it from my husband. It's bothered me all this time. Like she thought that the love from my husband needed to be in quotes, because the love he had for me wasn't real love. So all these years, I've hated the mug, but I've kept it in the cupboard, because it technically came from my husband. 


I don't know. Maybe the quotes for her are like underlining are for other people. Maybe she uses them for emphasis in a good way rather than to sew doubt. I don't think any of us have ever gotten a birthday card from her without the word, happy, being in quotes. It somehow has always felt like the wishes weren't actually sincere. If she hadn't been a proof-reader for several years, maybe it wouldn't bother me, but I can't help but let my mind obsess over it. And every single time I see that mug, it brings back that horrible obsession, and I don't have time in my life for negative reminders like that.


It went in the donation box. I know my husband won't mind a bit. He'll be glad to have a little more room in the cupboard.


Another thing I've dealt with is a little teapot that my cousin made and gave us for our wedding. It's not that she did a poor job on it that I don't want it. I mean, it does come close to matching my good china in color, in spite of the fact it doesn't come close in style, but we haven't used it once in the almost 25 years we've had it. Not once. And now, it just makes me sad, because it reminds me of the ugliness she and her mom and sister treated her brother with. I'm not going to go into it here, but it's just very ugly, and I don't want to be reminded of that sort of ugliness every time I look at it.

Bugster wants the teapot, and she is more than welcome to it. I'll let her get rid of it, if she doesn't want it anymore. I think she just wants it to potentially use next summer when she and Bubster have their formal wedding ceremony. I am sort of hoping she doesn't find it as appealing once she sees it again and decides to donate it. I'm sure someone will find it worthwhile and have good memories associated with it. 


In the meantime, I'll be enjoying the space it used to occupy.

I'll try this last one one last time. I've accidentally erased it 4 times now...


Several years ago, I had a friend who did what she could to cause strife between Bugster and me. I didn't find out about it until I'd gone to see my dad and be with Mom and my siblings two days before we lost him to lung cancer. The night before he died, this so-called friend told Bugster I was taking advantage of her by going to be with my dad when he died. Thankfully, instead of being successful in driving that wedge deeper, the situation brought Bugster and me closer together.

During our "friendship", this woman had her husband, a very talented artist, make us personalized Christmas ornaments for our tree. They were gorgeous. Our names were painted in white on red satin Christmas balls. They had beaded holly leaves made of green glass seed beads. They were absolutely gorgeous. But when I came across them this year, I realized that they only reminded me of her ugliness towards me and my family.


They went in the trash.


So even though I haven't had time to write about things every day since Mom has been here, I'm making huge strides. I'm learning that I don't need to hang onto things I don't like due to obligation, and it's not worth hanging onto things that are hideous to me due to circumstance. No matter how beautiful they may actually be. 

Life's too short to be emotionally drained by things.

Hope springs eternal.

Today has been long and not as productive as I'd like.

Some days are just like that.

Hopper is stressed over my upcoming surgery. She stresses easily, and it comes out in all sorts of rough ways. Like stressing over her dad going on his run today. We really have no idea what sets her off. Sometimes it happens. Other times, she's fine with him going for his run. Today, she started having a meltdown a good 15 minutes before he left. The meltdown didn't stop for 30 minutes after he was gone.

She was upset he was gone, but she started fixating on something, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what she was saying. While she's verbal, she's not always intelligible, and she was definitely struggling. She also often says, 'no' when she means, 'yes', and vice versa and very often, she doesn't hear what we're saying correctly, so it can be quite the puzzle trying to figure out what she's saying. And while sometimes it can be a bit humorous, it can also be quite traumatic.

For 30 minutes, she cried and tried so hard to tell me and show me what she was asking. She kept trying to act out what she was asking. She would draw her one arm up, so her fist was by her shoulder, and the other arm was outstretched. It looked like she was trying to shoot a bow and arrow.

But she's never even seen one.

I asked her, if it had to do with Daddy's run. No. It didn't. But it resulted in more crying and exasperation.

Was it on a street driving away from here? No. And cue crying.

Was it at the store? Nope. Not there either.

Was she talking about exercises? No. That wasn't it, and the drama continued.

At one point, I joined her in the crying. It's so frustrating to not be able to help her, and it's so hard to see her go through the pain of not being understood.

I asked her repeatedly to show me where it was, if it was in the house. She said it wasn't.

Finally, I just asked her to follow me, and I pointed out some workout things my husband uses to strengthen his forearms. If he doesn't use them, he has a problem with tendonitis. So I took her to them and asked, if that was what she was talking about.

It was.

Finally.

She was trying to find out, if he was going to do his exercises when he got home. He wasn't. But she has such a hard time living in the moment, because she's always looking ahead to what's going to happen or not going to happen next that she just can't relax. Today was a prime example.

After I finally figured out what it was and discerned her unintelligible jargoning, she was fine, but my neck and shoulders are still tight all these hours later. I'm just so glad she was able to go to bed with a smile on her face, and it all but forgotten.

Somehow, I was able to get 6 or 7 loads of laundry done today, even though we didn't get started on the list just yet. We'll be kicking into overdrive to work on it tomorrow. I think we'll be able to get most of it done.

I hope.

I need a bigger win.

I confess...

I rescued my dolly from the stuff we were giving away. I realized I do need to have a toy or two left over for our future grandchildren to be able to enjoy, so it's going to be her. I also set aside a couple of outfits for her to be changed into, since babies do need to have a change or two of clothes. If I change my mind later on, I can get rid of her then. However, if I did give her away, I would have no way of retrieving her. So...she's back home for now.

Speaking of future grandchildren...we find it absolutely hysterical that the pressure for the newlyweds to start a family is not coming from us. Instead, it's coming from our middle daughter. Now that they're married, she wants them to have a son, and she has mentioned it on several occasions. We have no idea where this is coming from. We just find it hilarious that it's coming!

In the meantime, the hubby dropped off the rest of the things at my friend's house. So this is the second load that pretty much filled up the back end of our little station wagon. I feel bad in some ways for dumping it on her, but it will give her some new toys for her little ones, and she said she'll just get rid of what they don't want. Works for me. And I very much appreciate her willingness to take care of it.

Scary thing happened to our oldest daughter's boss's daughter last night. Ok. Did you follow that? It happened to the daughter of the people our oldest works for. She and her female cousin were out clubbing. The cousin started throwing up and she started going into a major rage. It sounds like she attacked her father and a police officer. They took her into the hospital for evaluation, because they had no idea what was going on with her.

Her urine tested positive for GHB. It's one of the date rape drugs. Thankfully, she is fine now, but she doesn't remember anything that happened last night or how she was acting. It's really pretty scary. So, sorry, but I have to put a little reminder here: If you are out in public don't ever leave your drink unattended. Keep it in your hand. And don't forget that someone can slip a date rape drug into any kind of drink. It doesn't have to be an alcoholic beverage.

Thankfully, sometimes people do step forward to keep things from happening to women on dates like GHB. In fact, a waiter at a Ruby Tuesday in Colorado stepped up a couple of years ago and took the woman's drink from her, after he saw her date drop something in it when she was at the salad bar. They'd met online and decided to meet in a public place for dinner, because she felt it would be safest. You just can't be too careful. And the waiter? In my eyes...he's a HERO!

Laundry calls. Besides, it's probably time for me to step off my soapbox about now anyway.

Stay safe now, ya hear?