There are times I hate my brain and the way it seems to short circuit. I get tired of the fight, and I just want it to stop.
I get tired of hating me.
No. I'm not suicidal. I'm not homicidal, either, (although it's still probably not a good idea to poke the bear right now). I am just struggling. A lot. And it is at times like this that I can understand why some people turn to drugs, alcohol and food to drown out the unwanted thoughts.
I know that this is a temporary thing, but I am ready for it to ease up already. I'm tired and losing the will to fight. Losing all motivation. And that person is not who I consider myself to be, nor whom I want to be.
I find myself withdrawing from life, and I need to find a way back.
Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.
You can read the start of my journey here.