Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.

You can read the start of my journey here.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


I've had a lot on my mind today. Nothing really

I rarely dream. I struggle with getting all the way to REM sleep most nights. It is what it is. When I wake up and actually remember a dream, it's unusual. This morning I'd decided to take a little nap after getting Scooter off to school. Hopper had decided to go back to bed and start her day a little later, too, so I felt comfortable getting a little shuteye. So this morning, when the phone rang the first time, and I realized I was dreaming, I was a little surprised. 

It was Bugster. We had a bit of a freak snowstorm hit, and it was super icy outside. The defrost in her car wasn't working, and she realized the car was overheating. She couldn't get Bubster on the phone, so she called us to help her figure out what to do. She decided to try Bubster again, and I told her to call back and let us know, if she got a hold of her husband. If not, I knew Hubster would go help her out.

When Bugster called back a little bit later to let me know that she'd called in and let them know she wouldn't be able to make it to work, she once again woke me up from a dream. It was a weird dream with pieces of our past melded with pieces of our right now. It included lots of people from our past and present lives, and it was just sort of fun. But it did surprise me that I'd been able to get into the REM cycle twice within such a short period of time.

I was still exhausted, so I closed my eyes once again. It felt as though my head had hardly touched the pillow when the phone rang for the third time waking me from yet another dream - this time about someone opening my cupboard doors after my house was completely dehoarded and asking me why I still had so many cake pans. I tried pulling my head out of the cupboard in my dreams and bring myself back to the conversation at hand. It was Bugster once again. Her radiator had sprung a leak, but Bubster had been able to help her get the car home and was going to replace her radiator before he went to work. 

I took the third call as my cue to get up for the day, but I have to admit I'd have loved to have crawled back into bed. I heard from Bugster a few hours later that Bubster had indeed been able to replace the radiator and get to work on time. It made my heart swell with pride knowing that our son-in-law was taking such good care of our girl. The more we get to know him, the longer they are together, the more we are so very grateful that he is her husband.

We aren't sure how it happened, since he didn't learn it from either of his parents, but Bubster is such a responsible young man. As parents, we have always seen Bugster take her responsibilities seriously, so it didn't come as such a huge surprise that she's such a responsible adult. But they have taken on so much with Frank.

It's so incredibly unfair that he was first abandoned by his mother and then a short 3 years later was deserted by his father. Seriously, who does that? And it got me to thinking. What causes some people to refuse to take responsibility and compels others to take on way more than their fair share?

I get that there are a lot of different circumstances that can factor in.  Finances. Physical health. Mental health. Age. Maturity. 

I get that. I really do. And sometimes, I think that those factors are valid reasons not to take on certain responsibilities. But when does a valid reason turn into just another excuse for bad behavior? When does it turn into an excuse to pawn your responsibilities off on someone else?

I'm really struggling with Bubster and Frank's parents about now. The extra responsibility Bugster and her husband have taken on by taking Frank in is taking its toll. Don't get me wrong. Their marriage isn't in trouble. They're still very much in love and very much willing to have Frank live right where he is in the extra bedroom. But they never really have time alone. They've never had that awkward but wonderfully fun adjustment period with just the two of them against the world. And it angers me. 

It angers me that two adults who should be taking their roles as parents seriously are so selfish that they pawned their youngest off on young adults just starting out on their own. 

Mostly, I'm just so incredibly proud of Bugster and Bubster for being the amazing, selfless people they are that they continue to sacrifice, so Bubster's little brother has a home. A family. And love.

And I am honored to call them my family. 


  1. I admire their heart.. their caring for another person. It would be very easy to just say, 'hey, not our problem' and have turned away.

    It sounds like your daughter's husband is a good man, full of integrity and kindness. A perfect complement to a wife with the same qualities.

    I know it makes you proud that she's your daughter, and it should.

    I'm gonna go take a nap, hopefully my phone won't ring while I do.


  2. Missed this post.
    How old is Frank?
    I seconfd Ami...please turn off word verification.

  3. you have a wonderful family and every right to be proud! Go back to bed , sounds like you need some rest!


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