Good Decisions and All.

For years the back porch has been filled to overflowing. In fact, there have been varying degrees of full since we bought the house 18 years ago. It has seen many things come and go over the years, but it's always been pretty packed . At one point we actually tried to tarp it off, so the things on it wouldn't be ruined by the weather, and so it wasn't as much of an eyesore for the neighbors, but the wind and the sun destroyed the tarps, and we had a mess. 

A few years ago when we started working on cleaning up the backyard, we actually had the entire porch cleaned off. Ok. Maybe not completely, but it was close. We still had a stack of chairs, and a big metal footlocker that Hubster had used in his work truck for years, but for the most part it was clean. Unfortunately, it didn't stay that way. It didn't take long for it to be filled with overflow when we tried to clean out the garage. (I did, however, get rid of the stack of chairs several months ago, and the footlocker went a few weeks ago. Yay me!)

I'd hired a neighbor kid to help me with it, but it was more than he could handle. Heck, I couldn't even handle things. Frank has helped me with it here and there, but he really isn't into working much, so it's been very hit and miss. Awhile back, I asked Atticus, if he was interested in earning some money and helping me to dehoard. He's between jobs, so it was a good fit. He also grew up with hoarding parents, so he's familiar with the mindset, and he's been a huge encouragement without pushing me to make decisions I'm not quite ready to  make. As a result, we've made huge progress! 

We finished cleaning the back porch off completely a few weeks ago. It's since been somewhat filled with other things, but it's because we're using it as a staging area. In one area, I've got the things I'm selling, in another there are things I'm keeping, and in another area I keep the stuff that's being donated. It's been nice, because as I go through things in the garage, Atticus can take them to the appropriate place on the porch, and I can deal with it further from there. 

I've sold a few things and donated a bit, but by and large I've either given things away or thrown them out with the trash each week. I've been able to get rid of things that I've hung onto for years with relative ease, and when I struggle to get rid of something and finally  make the choice, Atticus chimes in with, "Good decision!" It's encouraging. 

One of the big decisions I made last week was to get rid of papers I've held onto since I was in high school close to 40 years ago. I took classes in architecture and drafting back then. I liked it well enough, but I wasn't quite suited to it. I struggled to get the perspective perfect in spite of the tools I had at my disposal to draw them correctly. I just couldn't get it quite right. In a weak moment my junior year of high school, I cheated. I took another student's drawing, (with his permission), and I turned it in as my own. I was found out, and I ended up with a poor grade. I don't recall, if I got an incomplete in the class, or if I only got an F on that paper. It's been a long time ago, and a lot has happened in my life since then, so the details are blurry, but it has hung like a millstone around my neck all these years. 

I'm ashamed that I was so weak as to think that cheating was an option just because I was overwhelmed and I had a looming deadline. I'm not proud of myself for that. I think it's one of the reasons I've hung onto the blueprints all these years. I wanted to punish myself for my failure, because I didn't deserve to forgive myself. How could I forgive myself for such a moral failure? As a result, I've paid for that single moment of cheating many, many times over the years. 

Last week, I went page by page through the blueprints, as I told the story to Atticus. As hard as it was to admit, it was so freeing. I was able to forgive myself, to put the past in the past, and to move in to the future. 

Good decisions. 

Time changes everything.

They say that time changes everything, but it's always been a bit of a paradox to me. It rushes. It stands still. It messes with your memory but also firms up those magical moments in your life and allows you to reminisce about them as though they happened yesterday. 

I have a lot of those magical moments in my life. Some are amazing memories: Meeting Hubster for the first time. Getting married. Almost passing out at the amazing news we were expecting Bugster and then welcoming her just a few months later. Anticipating Hopper's arrival. Opening the best birthday gift I've ever received when having Scooter. Some are just plain awful. And while there's no need for me to remember them just to write them in a blog post, I will keep them tucked away. They are a part of me. 

I will instead just focus on those wonderful, magical memories that I've been so very blessed to have. I'm able to open them over and over again and live the days like they just happened. And there's one in particular that I will enjoy reliving time and time again.

It was when I finally got to meet Baby Bug...our precious little granddaughter...

Bugster had been fighting high blood pressure the last week or so of her pregnancy. She wasn't bedridden, but if it didn't come down right away by lying down, she needed to go in for a BP check. She took her blood pressure multiple times a day with a little wrist cuff, and it always went down when she rested on her side until the day it didn't. So she packed her bag for the hospital. (I know. She should have had it done. But it always seems like "The Day" is never actually going to arrive, and when it comes a week before you're planning on it, it catches you unaware). So she and Bubster headed out to the hospital. 

My mom, who had flown down to be here for her newest great-granddaughter's arrival, and I decided we'd better get that last coat of paint on the nursery room walls while we still could. (Frank finally moved out about 10 days prior, and there's no way Bugster could do any of the cleaning, let alone the painting in her condition). I was just putting the finishing touches of soft pink paint in the closet when Bugster called. 

She was crying.  

Bubster had run down to the cafeteria to get them something to eat really quick when the doctor came in and told her that they needed to induce her. And even though she was expecting it, it took her off guard to hear it while she was alone. And all of her pent up emotions that had been carefully held in check for 9 months rose to the surface during the phone call. I don't think she was scared as much as she just wasn't quite mentally prepared. But by the time the phone call was over, she was ready to get the show on the road.

So we packed up and headed out, too. We ran home, (had Calamity, who was supposed to be helping us paint but settled for keeping us company, follow us to our house, so she could follow us to the hospital), changed clothes, and waited for our friend to head over to watch the girls for us. It felt like time stood still, went in slow motion, and whizzed past us all during that half hour. It's amazing how you can almost see time in instances like that. 

We stayed at the hospital for a couple of hours and left when Bugster asked us all to clear out. Her main intent was to get Calamity to go home, and she wouldn't leave, if we didn't. The last thing we needed was to stick around and have Bugster's blood pressure rise, so we went home and relieved our friend who was watching the girls. We watched tv for a bit, called to say goodnight to Bugster, and went to bed. I wondered about the sanity of crawling into bed at the time, but Bugster assured us that she was doing fine, and there wasn't anything else to do.

The moment I actually drifted off to the Land of Slumber, the phone rang. It was Bugster. She was crying again. They had given her the medicine to start the induction. It was given in the hope that she wouldn't need pitocin. And it had kicked in. Hard. Like Transition Hard. And she was alone. Bubster had run home to get some creature comforts for his overnight stay and to feed the cats. She had told him to go but regretted it the moment the contractions took over. 

Her blood pressure was rising even more, and it was time to make a decision. She could choose to try an epidural to keep her blood pressure down, or she could opt for magnesium. Neither was her first choice, but the natural birth she had wanted wasn't going to happen. She decided to give the epidural a chance, since the pain was causing her blood pressure to rise. 

By the time Hubster and I made it to the hospital, (we left my mom with the girls, because we couldn't get ahold of our friend to sit with them again. She'd absentmindedly turned the ringer off on her phone.), Bubster was back at the hospital, the epidural was in place, and Bugster seemed at peace and out of pain. 

Hubster took advantage of the quiet of the waiting room at 1:00 in the morning to read and snooze, while I waited in Bugster's room waiting for the dragging time to quicken a bit, visited quietly with the doula and hit the pain pump for Bugster's epidural when she grimaced in her sleep. I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. I knew what was coming. She didn't.

When the nurse came in to check her progress a few hours later, everyone was shocked to find that Bugster was ready to go! The medicine had done it's job, and the epidural allowed her to sleep through every bit of labor! Time went into warp speed again. I woke Hubster up, so he could go get Mom, called our friend, who had since turned her ringer back on, and waited impatiently for them to get back to the hospital. They were just in time. Hubster and Mom came in to give Bugster a quick hug and tell her she was going to do great and headed back out to the waiting room. 

What seemed like moments later, a doctor came running from across the ward behind them. He yelled out asking the nurses where he needed to go. Hubster immediately recognized it as Bugster's room, and I know time had to have absolutely dragged for them while waiting for news. In the meantime, we were stuck in this time warp, where poor Bugster had to wait for the doctor to come in. Baby Bug could wait no longer to make her appearance. The doctor no sooner donned his paper gown than she appeared.

She was beautiful. She had a headful of downy black hair. And she wasn't moving or crying like she should. Time stood completely still, as I reassured Bugster that she had done an amazing job and listened to her and Bubster talk about how alert and beautiful and quiet their little girl was. I'm glad they got to see her look at them. I'm glad they had that special moment with one another, because what I saw was not as encouraging, and time stood perfectly still, in spite of the clock on the wall ticking above the noise of the nurses working on the baby.

I realized I was holding my breath. I needed to hear everything. I needed to hear her little cries. And my breathing was much too loud. And time stopped in its tracks. Moments later, we heard those beautiful little mewls that newborns make. And those beautiful little mewls turned into even more amazing little cries. And then she came over to meet her mommy and daddy for real. 

And she was breathtaking.

She IS breathtaking. 

She takes my breath away every time I see her. 

Every time I hold her. 

Every time I think of her. 

And time ceases. 

A place for everything, and everything in its place?

For the last hour, I've been trying to sort my thoughts out enough to write a coherent blog. It hasn't happened so far, so I have a feeling it's not going to happen any time soon. I've got so many different things fighting to get out of my head, but I can't seem to untangle them, so I'll write about them another time.

Bugster, Bubster and Frank came over today for a few hours. It was wonderful seeing them and catching up. It seems like we never get to spend enough time with them.

I have my list of things ready to work on tomorrow. I've got plans. I'll be working on some stuff in the kitchen. We have a baker's rack that needs an extra shelf in it. We have such limited storage in the kitchen that it falls into disarray easily. I'm hoping that, if there's a place for everything it will be easier to keep up. It gets frustrating when there's no place to put things away, and then they tend to be left out.

I'm looking forward to working with the shelf. 

It means I get to use my power tools. :D

Thoughts.

I've had a lot on my mind today. Nothing really extraordinary...just...life.


I rarely dream. I struggle with getting all the way to REM sleep most nights. It is what it is. When I wake up and actually remember a dream, it's unusual. This morning I'd decided to take a little nap after getting Scooter off to school. Hopper had decided to go back to bed and start her day a little later, too, so I felt comfortable getting a little shuteye. So this morning, when the phone rang the first time, and I realized I was dreaming, I was a little surprised. 


It was Bugster. We had a bit of a freak snowstorm hit, and it was super icy outside. The defrost in her car wasn't working, and she realized the car was overheating. She couldn't get Bubster on the phone, so she called us to help her figure out what to do. She decided to try Bubster again, and I told her to call back and let us know, if she got a hold of her husband. If not, I knew Hubster would go help her out.


When Bugster called back a little bit later to let me know that she'd called in and let them know she wouldn't be able to make it to work, she once again woke me up from a dream. It was a weird dream with pieces of our past melded with pieces of our right now. It included lots of people from our past and present lives, and it was just sort of fun. But it did surprise me that I'd been able to get into the REM cycle twice within such a short period of time.


I was still exhausted, so I closed my eyes once again. It felt as though my head had hardly touched the pillow when the phone rang for the third time waking me from yet another dream - this time about someone opening my cupboard doors after my house was completely dehoarded and asking me why I still had so many cake pans. I tried pulling my head out of the cupboard in my dreams and bring myself back to the conversation at hand. It was Bugster once again. Her radiator had sprung a leak, but Bubster had been able to help her get the car home and was going to replace her radiator before he went to work. 


I took the third call as my cue to get up for the day, but I have to admit I'd have loved to have crawled back into bed. I heard from Bugster a few hours later that Bubster had indeed been able to replace the radiator and get to work on time. It made my heart swell with pride knowing that our son-in-law was taking such good care of our girl. The more we get to know him, the longer they are together, the more we are so very grateful that he is her husband.


We aren't sure how it happened, since he didn't learn it from either of his parents, but Bubster is such a responsible young man. As parents, we have always seen Bugster take her responsibilities seriously, so it didn't come as such a huge surprise that she's such a responsible adult. But they have taken on so much with Frank.


It's so incredibly unfair that he was first abandoned by his mother and then a short 3 years later was deserted by his father. Seriously, who does that? And it got me to thinking. What causes some people to refuse to take responsibility and compels others to take on way more than their fair share?


I get that there are a lot of different circumstances that can factor in.  Finances. Physical health. Mental health. Age. Maturity. 


I get that. I really do. And sometimes, I think that those factors are valid reasons not to take on certain responsibilities. But when does a valid reason turn into just another excuse for bad behavior? When does it turn into an excuse to pawn your responsibilities off on someone else?


I'm really struggling with Bubster and Frank's parents about now. The extra responsibility Bugster and her husband have taken on by taking Frank in is taking its toll. Don't get me wrong. Their marriage isn't in trouble. They're still very much in love and very much willing to have Frank live right where he is in the extra bedroom. But they never really have time alone. They've never had that awkward but wonderfully fun adjustment period with just the two of them against the world. And it angers me. 


It angers me that two adults who should be taking their roles as parents seriously are so selfish that they pawned their youngest off on young adults just starting out on their own. 


Mostly, I'm just so incredibly proud of Bugster and Bubster for being the amazing, selfless people they are that they continue to sacrifice, so Bubster's little brother has a home. A family. And love.


And I am honored to call them my family. 

Tired. That's all.

Long day today. 

Celebrated the Bubster's birthday today. Enjoyed the time with the kids. Came home and watched an amazing Broncos game with Hubster and the girls. And ached all over.

I'm not sure, if I'm getting what the girls have, (they were both feverish before they went to bed), or if it's just a firbro flare, but I've  been pretty much exhausted, achy and wheezy all day. I'm sure the asthma is just kicked up from being at Bugster & Bubster's house. I've got a severe allergy to dogs, and they've got 2, plus they have 4 cats and a rabbit. The dogs were outside, and they vacuumed before we got over there, but I just don't think it takes much. 

I'd love to get allergy shots, so we can get a dog at some point, but I don't know, if my allergies are too severe for them to help. We really miss having a dog. It kills me when we go to Bugster's, because their dog used to be ours, and I can't pet her or be around her at all. She has a tendency to pant in your face to get attention, and that always takes my breath away. It makes me so sad, because I know she misses me. She was my buddy. 

Maybe someday. 

But today I need a dog today, like I need another hole in my head. 

A little of this. A little of that.

I've been a bit out of sorts lately, but I think I'm back on track.


My Christmas gift has been in the shop for 3 of the last 4 weeks. I finally got it back last week. The Hubster was a bit frustrated that they didn't fix my netbook the first time it went in (when they replaced the hard drive), but he's glad they fixed the touch pad, and I have it back. It means he gets to use his again whenever he wants, since I used it while mine wasn't available. I'm really glad to have my computer back and in good working order again. And I'm superdeeduperdee thankful that Bugster figured out the password for the network, so we didn't have to reset it, and I can access the internet again!


Bugster, Bubster, Hopper, Scooter and Frank surprised us with a gorgeous arrangement of 25 roses that Bugster made for us for our 25th wedding anniversary. She did an amazing job, and they are still gorgeous a week later! Then Bugster and Bubster came over to our house and hung out with Hopper and Scooter, so we could go celebrate.
                            



We spent the day enjoying one another's company and got some much needed alone time. We did a little shopping, went out to eat at a Greek restaurant that was out of this world, and went to the movies. But our favorite part of the day was spent at a paint-your-own pottery place where the customer paints the piece, and the shop fires it for you. We've gone to this little place a few times over the years for our anniversary, and I have to say it's one of my favorite ways to spend time with Hubster. There's no stress, pleasant conversation, and one on one time with my favorite guy. It's a win-win all the way around.


We didn't get to the shop in time to finish the painting in one sitting, so we'll get to go back and spend some more time together at some point in the upcoming weeks. We're very much looking forward to having that time together and seeing our finished creations. I'm definitely looking forward to finishing our mugs and picture frame, but I'm most looking forward to seeing the necklace Hubster makes after the beads he painted have been fired!


We did a lot of sitting the day we went out, and my back has bothered me ever since. I've been having problems with nerve pain in my legs and feet again lately. It happens when I'm in the middle of a fibro flare, and one started up a couple of weeks ago for me. I took a medicine I'd been prescribed quite some time ago, and it took care of the neuropathy pain within an hour. I felt so much better, but the pain started up again the next day, so I tried it again with good results. However, the third day when I took it, I made the mistake of taking it on an empty stomach, and I couldn't seem to stay awake for the next 2 days. If I sat down, I dozed off. So I stood. A lot.


I'm feeling a bit stupid for not trusting myself to stay away from the medication that I'd stopped taking once before. I won't make that mistake again. If I am as out of it as I've been after only 3 doses, I know that it's not a medicine I can ever take again. I just have to try to figure out how to keep the fibro from flaring, so I don't have the neuropathy issues as often.


I am hoping to get some help this weekend to make a raised vegetable garden bed, so I can get my tomatoes and peppers in the ground. As much as I love my umbrella planter, I don't think I'll be doing upside-down tomatoes in it anymore. I don't think they get quite enough sun to really flourish, so the tomatoes and peppers are going to go in the ground this year, and I think I'm going to try flowers in the planter. The strawberries looked great last year in them, and they did okay, but they didn't come back this year, so they're out, too. I can't afford to buy new strawberry plants every year.


Right now, I'm going to go work on pinatas and dishes and laundry and such. Maybe if I get something done, my head will stop aching. 

One can hope.

Mack Attack!

Last night while minding my own business, my voice got up and left. I think it was bored with the conversation. Then, when I woke up this morning, I not only felt like I'd been run over by a Mack truck, but I felt like it had backed up and decided to try it again. 

Twice.


We've got the crud that's going around, although it hasn't hit my lungs just yet like it has Scooter's. I have just been hit with overwhelming fatigue. Hopper has had the fever and the fatigue (she slept 21 hours the night before last and 16 hours last night), but she has no cough just yet. The Hubster missed 4 days of work from it last week, and Frank had it a few weeks ago. Bugster's lungs have been zapped with the crud, and she sounds horrible on the phone. So far, it appears as though the only one who has escaped unscathed so far is Bubster. Hope he doesn't end up with it, too.


I'm trying to take it easier physically. I don't want this crud to get the better of me. So I decided to work on paperwork.


A couple of weeks before Mom left to go home, she helped me in the garage. That's where we found all the extra boxes of laundry, after I thought we'd gotten it all done a few weeks prior. We cleared out at least 1/3 of the garage. We have this huge empty space now and can actually see the back wall of the garage. Before, we could barely make it out of the kitchen, and there was just a small path out to the porch. 

The clothes that were out there have been sorted, washed, thrown, donated or given away. I mentioned the other day that we donated 49 bags of clothes that had come in from the garage and 23 bags from the laundry that I'd been working on for the last 9 years or so. What I failed to mention is that I sent at right at 60 bags home with Mom for my sister's family, and I probably threw at least 50 bags, if not more.


The clothes that are still here are either going to be sold, worn, or put away for Bugster to go through to see, if she wants any when she has little ones of her own. They've been sorted according to size, folded and neatly put in some of the rubber totes that I emptied out and scrubbed with bleach. The totes will be stored in the garage inside large plastic bags, so there's absolutely no chance of bugs, mice or dust getting them dirty, so they'll take up a little bit of that free space we opened up.


What won't be taking up the free space is paperwork. After I dusted 2 dozen or so boxes of paperwork in the garage and brought them into the kitchen, Mom wiped them all off with a bleach-soaked cloth to disinfect them. Then she stacked them all neatly in the study for me to sort through. I started on them today.


I got through one box fairly quickly. It was full of proofs of purchases for items I was going to send in for rebates or special offers. There were soup labels, yogurt lids, cereal box tops, and the cardboard pieces that are torn away on boxes of tissues, so the contents of the box are accessible. The box was full to the top, and 99.9% of it went in the trash or in the shredables. And as tempting as it was to save the soup labels and cereal box tops for the local schools to send in for credit, I allowed myself to throw them away. To let go.


Then I started on the next box. It's a hard box to sort through. There's a lot in there I need to save. The medical records from many of the visits back and forth to Virginia are in the box, as well as the results of Bugster's genetic testing we had done 20 years ago. She's going to need that in the next few years, so I'm glad I came across it.


I'm about halfway through the box and I'd like to finish it before I go to bed, but I'm okay with it, if I don't get it finished up until tomorrow.


I can feel a caravan of Mack trucks lining up to run me down.

One more week...

and I'll be back. Mom goes home next weekend. We thought she would be leaving yesterday, but we were fortunate enough to have her one more week. We're making good use of the extra week, and we've made huge progress. My back and every fiber in my body can attest to it.

Mom has been helping me get things as ready as possible for this summer when Bugster and Bubster have their official wedding ceremony. We're hoping to have out of town company come and stay with us, and Mom knows how much pressure I've put on myself to get things presentable. I just want things to look good enough that I feel comfortable when company arrives.


We have one more major project to tackle before Mom goes home. The dreaded study. It's the paperwork hub of the house, and it is nothing short of a disaster. There is far more in the study than just paperwork, and it's going to take some major sorting to get through it and make it presentable. 


There are other things that we'd love to get done, but I'm okay, if we don't get to them. I'd rather get the study finished than anything else. Mom would also like to help me get the craft area downstairs sorted, but I can do a lot of that on my own once she goes home.

Yesterday, we worked on the living room. It's the only room we've worked on so far that has only taken one day to do. It's because it was in the best shape so far, because The Hubster and I had gotten it finished up before Mom got here. It's amazing how roomy and cozy it looks this way. We're quite pleased with it, but the muscles are still protesting this morning from moving furniture.

The Hubster went in last Monday an epidural steroid injection in his lower back. He's had mixed results. For the first few days after the procedure, he was in even more pain than he was before he got it done. Unfortunately, that can happen. Thankfully, though, it is starting to work, and he's more comfortable than he's been since he hurt his back almost 2 months ago. He's going to go in for another injection in a couple of weeks. The doctor seems to think that having 2 injections in such a short order tends to work better than waiting to get the second one after the intense pain kicks up again. We're hoping it works.


We're heading over to Bugster and Buster's house in a little bit. Frank is going to be playing the guitar we all got him for his birthday, so he can show us what he's got. We're looking forward to it. We won't be over there very late. It's going to be hard enough to get the girls up in the morning and get them ready for school with the time change. They'll be going to bed as soon as we get back home. 


That's about it for now. 


I'll see y'all soon!

Cheers!

So. My final post of the year. Wow. I can't believe 2010 has come to an end.


In many ways, I'm going to miss 2010. It's been a good year. A really good year, even. It's been full of struggles, full of honesty, reflection and self realization, full of hard work and full of hope and the additions to our family of Bubster and Frank when Bugster and Bubster wed back in April and they took guardianship of Frank over the summer. 

How can I not miss it?


It's been a good year.


But I am so full of hope for 2011 and what it holds in store for our family, that I will gladly bid this year adieu.

In spite of having an infection in my incision wound, I'm feeling quite well. I'm so thankful that I had the surgery. I'm already wishing I'd done it years ago. I am hoping that it will make the difference in my health that I'm thinking it's going to make. 


Last year, I was at my heaviest weight of all time, having taken 6 or 7 courses of steroids after coming down with the swine flu. I was sick all winter. I eventually lost 15 of the 30 pounds I'd gained due to the steroids, but when I came home from surgery, I'd gained the 15 pounds back from the swelling and fluid retention I was experiencing. I wondered, if it was going to take another year to lose it.


It didn't.


Unlike most women who gain weight after a hysterectomy, I have somehow beat the odds so far. I lost the 15 pounds I brought home from the hospital plus an additional 15 pounds. And in spite of the fact that I still have over 100 pounds to lose, I'm 30 pounds closer to my goal and the least I've weighed in 3 years. It gives me hope that I will eventually be successful at losing the weight just like I'm going to eventually finish dehoarding and organizing my home.


I am confident that 2011 is going to be a wonderful continuation of the journey I started January 9, 2010. 


In the meantime, we'll be wrapping up 2010 in a couple of hours. About 30 minutes from now, I'll wake up Hopper, Scooter and Mom (We're still blessed with her company due to a storm that moved in yesterday! We're thrilled!), so we can ring in the New Year together. 


We'll be enjoying our annual New Year's fondue. We'll be fixing chicken, beef and Inside Out Cheeseburgers, and we'll enjoy fresh broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and celery with a Ranch dip made with Greek yogurt instead of sour cream along with cheese and crackers. Once we're done eating, we'll toast with sparkling cider and watch the big ball drop while calling loved ones at the stroke of midnight to wish them Happy New Year. To top things off, it looks like The Hubster will even be able to join us this year!


Oh. You're wondering what Inside Out Cheeseburgers are. 

I understand. 

They're a fun fondue food and taste amazing. They're made by whisking up a couple of eggs and adding whatever spices you wish to use. I just use a little pepper and garlic salt. Add the lean ground beef, (it holds together better in the hot oil than turkey burger) and bread crumbs and mix it together until it's fairly dry but not crumbly. 


Form a ball using 1 to 2 tablespoons of the burger mixture and push a hole down into the center of the ball. Insert a piece of cheese in the hole. I've used Velveeta before, but it disintegrates in oil too easily and seeps out. So use something harder. This year I'm trying Colby Jack cheese, although I may try cheddar next year depending on how things turn out tonight. Anyway, you finish them off by rolling them in breadcrumbs, because they hold together better that way and cook them in your fondue pot until done, which will vary depending on the size. 


So there you have it. We're going to have fun tonight. I had an amazing 2010 filled with both ups and downs but an awful lot of growth and loss. And I'm going to embrace 2011 for all it's worth.


May each of you have an amazing New Year every day of 2011 and be blessed beyond measure! 


Here's to you. To me. To us. 


Cheers!

My apologies for this time warped string of drug-induced incoherency.

So. If you ever have surgery, your incision is rather long, and they give you the option of having a 'pain ball' make sure you take them up on the offer. It makes a huge difference. It dispenses a numbing agent along the entire incision, and it works for several days. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I almost wish I hadn't had to take it out today, but those were the doctor's orders.

I didn't realize the full extent of the usefulness of the thing until the numbing agent wore off within a couple hours of it being removed. I'll just say I'm in more pain than I was and leave it like that. I'm really hoping a good night's sleep in my own bed tonight. I'm tempted to sleep in the recliner, but I don't think I'll be any more comfortable in the recliner than in my bed, so I may as well go where I can really stretch out tonight. 

I can't describe how frustrating it's been to not be able to do anything to help out. I'm having a rough time with it, especially since I was having a hard time slowing down before I went in for surgery. I am hoping I'll be able to step up and work on things soon.

Bugster, Hubster, Frank and Hopper all put up the Nativity Scene that we use every year outside. I always love how it looks. It was a nice surprise to have it done when I came home from the hospital yesterday. It will be really nice, if we can get the Christmas decorations and tree up tomorrow. I know the girls would be thrilled. Plus it's not like I'll be able to move and stretch to put up the decorations, so the timing would be good, if we can get it up while I still have help with it. So it's the priority for tomorrow.

The medicine funk I've been in is interesting. Bugster and I were talking on the phone while I was still in the hospital. She asked me something, and being hopped up on pain medicines I answered in the only way I knew how at the time.
 
I told her she'd better not break up the checkerboard.

I have no idea where that came from, but I got poor Bugster to worrying. She ended up calling her dad, The Hubster, to ask, if I was okay. He assured I was indeed fine, but that I was loopy on pain meds. Ugh. I can't stand that.

I have no idea how coherent this post will end up being when I'm done with it, but at least I can cover the slurred words by typing. 

Hoping to post some pictures tomorrow. 

Right now, I need to go to sleep. I'm wiping up keyboard drool again.  

Gobble Gobble.

Bugster, Bubster and Frank came over for dinner today for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful getting to see them. It's funny and sad how time seems to speed by when we get the opportunity to have them over. We wouldn't miss it for the world, though.

We split the menu, so neither of us was totally overwhelmed with preparing the food. It seemed to work out well, and the food was delicious. I think we'll probably do this for holiday meals from now on. Holidays can just be so stressful, and I think anything that can bring down the stress level is good. It just makes things more enjoyable for everyone, and today was definitely enjoyable.

K and I were able to get a lot accomplished this last week. I will be writing about it and posting pictures in the next few days. Hopefully, I'll be able to do it when I'm more awake than I am now. Maybe tomorrow.

Right now, I'm going to bed thankful for more things than I can even count.

I am incredibly blessed.

Of logs and meadows, crown moulding and stripes. Oh. And pictures to boot.

I'm tired tonight, but I'll sleep like a log. A very restful log with moss growing on it in the shade of a warm and sunny meadow.

I worked for twelve hours in the basement today. My elbow has rug burn on it from having to paint the caulking that bled into the paint above the baseboards. We tried using clear caulking, but it didn't look like we'd used it at all once it dried, and where we could see it, it turned yellow. So we had to go with white instead. The only problem was that it bled into the green.

Bugster and Frank came over last night and volunteered to help out. They helped with some of the touch up painting that needed done, and I'm so very grateful for the extra hands! Bugster painted the bottoms of the dark stripes where they meet the baseboards, and Frank painted the tops of the crown moulding where it met the ceiling, because the caulking dulled the finish of the paint. It was really obvious when the light shone on it just right, and it would have driven me nuts, so it was nice having it done.

You can see in the picture how crisp and clean the top of the wide stripe to the left looks compared to the other two stripes. That's the difference it made to cover up the caulking that bled into the paint. And as time consuming as it was, it was so worth doing. It makes the entire room look so much better.

So while Bugster worked on the bottom of the stripes last night, I worked on finishing up the light green stripes today, doing both the top and bottom of those that weren't finished yesterday. I also did the entire workout room today. It took several hours, but I'm so glad it's done.

The workout room is as done as it's going to be until next Spring, when we can get the oak door with the windows in it stained and hung. If we have time before my surgery, we'll put the trim around the windows, but I'm okay, if we don't get to it. The rest of the workout room is done, and it's nice to have it out of the way.

The corner boxes were a bit harder to deal with. And although this picture isn't the best, you can get an idea of how they look before and after, with the left side being the before and the right being the after. I'll post more pictures later on. I just wanted to get these up to show what we did today. One other thing we did today was finish covering the television cable, so it blended in better than just having a black cable line hanging down the wall. Most of it will be covered by the bookshelf/entertainment center, but I still wanted it to look nice. We may not always use that bookshelf as an entertainment center. We used some white plastic cable covers that we'd gotten a year ago. The cable originates upstairs on the far wall, goes through the floor upstairs, through the ceiling downstairs, and is hidden under the crown moulding until it comes out at the opposite end of the family room. I love the fact that it's not on the floor with us having to trip over it or try to hide it behind furniture. And while it's a bit of an optical illusion and looks like we have a raised board in the edge of that section of wall, we're pleased with how it looks.

I'm hoping we'll finish up the family room and hallway completely tomorrow. I'd love to get the cubbies hung up above the refrigerator and stove tomorrow, but it will be fine, if it doesn't happen. Once we're done downstairs, I'll be able to concentrate on getting the kitchen and living room cleaned up again. It has been sadly neglected while I've worked downstairs, but it will be done in time for us to enjoy Thanksgiving together around the table.

Tonight?

I have a date with a warm meadow and a little bit of shade.

Yay. Progress!

I'm so excited. Today I made headway for the first time in a very long time.

Today was an early release day at school, and Frank came over to make a little money for the upcoming dance. He was here almost 5 hours, so we got a lot accomplished.

Several weeks ago, The Hubster and I put bamboo shades (although these are plastic and not actually bamboo) around the porch to basically enclose it. Having the shades up will prevent rain and dust from wreaking havoc like it has so much in the last several years. We literally scooped up gallons of dirt out there during the course of cleaning the porch, and the shades will help keep the dust/dirt level to a minimum which will make painting the furniture I need to finish painting much easier.

The only problem we had was that the shades blew around a lot and still allowed a lot of dust onto the porch. They helped stop the rain fairly well, but the dust was a different story. So today, Frank helped me secure the shades to the concrete. My husband and I worked on putting eye hooks in the concrete a couple of weekends ago. We'd drilled holes in the concrete (I could have sworn I blogged about this before, but for the life of me, I can't find the post), put some cement repair stuff in the holes and then added the eye hooks. Once the eye hooks were in, we built up the concrete a little, so nobody would stub their toes on the hooks and left them to dry.

When Frank came over today, the first thing we worked on was securing the shades to the concrete. By now the concrete had fully cured, and the eye hooks were firmly in place. So we took some nylon cord and tied it to some small double ended hooks Hubster had picked up at the store for our project, and proceeded to tie them tight enough that the shades will hopefully be somewhat secure, if the wind blows. Once we had the tension right on each one, we burnt the ends of the knots, so they wouldn't come untied or unraveled. It took awhile to get done, but I'm thrilled they're finished. We should be able to unhook the shades and roll them up, if we want more sunlight or fresh air on the porch, but for now, I have a usable workspace for which I'm very grateful.

Once we were done with that, we worked on cutting shelves to go on the bookcase that will be used to house hubby's books. I had 5 oak plywood shelves that i was going to cut to make enough for extra shelving in the shelving unit we'd gotten for his books. I was able to cut some extra wood off 4 of the shelves to make them the right width and then cut the remaining 4 shelves in half for a total of 8 shelves for him to use. The other shelf I used to cut a shelf to go in my craft cupboards. I'm not sure, if I'll need more shelves in my craft cupboards or not, but at least we know where we can get more, if we need them and cutting them will be a breeze.

Frank acted as my muscle today and carried all the shelves back downstairs for me to save my back a little. I'm so thankful! I decided to wrap things up on the porch, because I wanted desperately to get the plastic off the carpet downstairs. It's been covered for the last year to try to keep it clean while we were working downstairs painting. It did it's job, so Frank helped me pick it all up and either throw it in the trash or fold it up to take home, so Bugster and Bubster don't have to buy drop cloths when they paint their home.

I also got a couple of loads of laundry done. I'd have kept going, if it weren't for my back. Even though Frank hauled stuff for me the entire time he was here to save my back, my back still screams in protest tonight. I'm hoping a good night's sleep will make for a productive day tomorrow.

I have so much to do!

Yield not to calamity, but face her boldly. -Virgil

Took the day off today from any major dehoarding. I just got the kitchen cleaned, the refrigerator wiped out, disposed of anything old in the fridge, and ran the dishwasher twice, so I felt good at least getting something done.

Had the kids, (Bugster, Bubster and Frank) over for dinner. I made 10 layer burritos for supper. They were a real hit. I wish they weren't quite as time consuming to make after a long day. I suppose they're not really that time consuming. They just feel that way with a sore back. They're an inexpensive and healthy way to enjoy a fast food alternative.

For anyone who wants to try it:

LaFavorita tortillas. (They're by far the best store bought tortillas, as they're soft and pliable and taste homemade.)

Layers:
1:Fat free refried beans with green chile and lime
2:Browned ground turkey with burrito seasoning
3:Rice (white or brown)
4:Diced tomatoes with green chilies (I use canned for burritos, because they add a little extra moisture to the mix, but I use fresh tomatoes for tacos.)
5:Fresh diced onions
6:Fresh bell pepper sliced thin (I used an orange bell from the garden today.)
7:Fresh banana pepper sliced thin (again from our garden)
8:Diced boiled potatoes
9:Fat free sour cream (Used Greek yogurt for hubby's burritos, because he can't eat sour cream while on the antibiotics for TB exposure.)
10:Shredded cheddar cheese

Once the burritos are loaded and folded (fold sides first then turn and fold ends in) place them opening side down in preheated skillet sprayed with cooking spray. They get a nice crispiness to them that's to die for. They're just...well...yummy. You can really add as many or as few ingredients as you'd like. We just like a lot. One burrito is typically a full meal, although I can never finish mine.

That's what husbands are for.

You can also wrap them in tin foil and grill them to get them crispy. I just prefer using the skillet, because I'm not as apt to watch them closely enough to keep them from burning on the barbie.

I cooked up enough turkey burger and have enough potatoes left that I'm going to make breakfast burritos tomorrow and wrap them individually to use later. It will be handy to be able to take them out of the freezer in the morning and have a decent breakfast for the girls before school. They will just be turkey burger, eggs, potatoes, sour cream and cheese. I know the girls will love having a nice meal like this before school, and we'll love the convenience and ease.

Before they came over, Calamity came by Bugster and Bubster's house to spend some time with Frank. It was a disaster as usual. Within 10 minutes, she started asking Bugster, if she could do a load of laundry, when she knew that the kids had specifically said they do not want her doing her laundry at their house. They have had to have set firm limits with her, because if you give her an inch, she'll take a mile. Thankfully, Bubster took her aside and told her that she would not be washing laundry at their house, and that it was unfair for her to put Bugster in the position of saying no each time, because they've already had this discussion repeatedly. The answer will always be, "No!"

She said she was having problems breathing around the kids' cats, so she didn't want to stick around their house. She asked Frank to go for a ride with her instead, so she could breathe. Then, instead of actually driving around with Frank, she drove over to her boyfriend's and spent no time with the poor kid at all. She hadn't seen Frank in over a month, and then the time she spent with him today wasn't with him but with her boyfriend instead. Within an hour she insisted Bugster come pick him up, because it was "a waste of gas to drive him back" to their house.

It's just such a sad situation. And now that she knows they're coming over here most weekends to spend time with us, she insists she'll be coming over every weekend to try to insinuate herself into their lives. Hopefully, the kids can figure out how best to handle the situation. It may mean setting much firmer limits. I don't envy them, but I am so incredibly proud of both of them.

They've been thrust into such an indefensible situation, yet they're rising to the challenge better than adults twice their ages. I stand in awe of their courage and determination.

They are my heroes.

Oh. The quote by Virgil? Bugster found that today. Couldn't fit the situation much better, could it?

Rubber Ducky You're The One!

Several years ago, when one of the local stores still had layaway, I decided to get organized. They had a tremendous sale on 18 gallon totes. You know the kind. For storage. Because when you have a lot of stuff, you need to be able to store said crap...er...stuff. Anyway, these totes were something like $3.50 each. I'd never seen them so affordable. The cheapest they'd been to this point was $5 each, so we stocked up. We got some to use right then, and we put a load of them on layaway. I can't remember the exact number we got, but I want to say it was close to 50. They didn't have enough in stock at the store, of course, so we got a raincheck on them, so we'd get the sale price and promptly stuck them on layaway when they came in.

They were great for storing holiday decorations. I didn't have to worry about boxes crumbling and falling apart. They stack so nicely, that I didn't have to worry about an avalanche when I was getting the Christmas decorations every year. They were just...handy. So I used them to pack the baby clothes I was keeping for the girls and for my maternity clothes. You know....just in case. They came in handy for storing all sorts of things. But I think they maybe hid part of my hoarding problem from me. With them being stacked so neatly, I could forget that there were things in the tubs I really didn't need.

Fast forward to yesterday when Frank was here. Not only did he cut down a huge number of trees, but he lugged tubs for me to go through, too. I am so grateful for his help, because I'd never have gotten as much done as I did, if he hadn't been there to do the heavy lifting for me. All told, I was able to go through 5 of the 18 gallon totes and 1 1/2 that are at least 3 times the size and have hinged lids.

I emptied 4 of the smaller tubs and 1 of the larger ones completely. And parts of it were really hard. I went through my maternity clothes, some baby clothes, clothes that used to fit me when I was several pounds lighter than I am now, shoes, and toys. I filled a trash can with stuff I tossed. I filled another bag with shoes to go up on Craigslist. I filled a huge black trash bag with maternity clothes and baby clothes and toddler clothes that will also go up on Craigslist. I would drop them off at a thrift store, but they have a musty smell from being in storage so many years, and I don't have time to wash them. If I put them up on Craigslist, I'll explain that, and if someone still wants then, they'll come and get them.

There were some things I wasn't able to get rid of. At least not now. Maybe never. Remember I said I sorted through 5 tubs, but I only emptied 4. The fifth one holds those things that I'm not ready to part with just yet. The lid doesn't quite close on it, but I couldn't bring myself to put it in 2 tubs. I am hoping everything will all fit, if I repack it, because I just sort of threw it in there as I was sorting. I'm afraid, if I start a second tub that I'll look for things to fill it up. I know I have plenty to fill a second one, and I eventually will. For now, I want to savor the fact that we have empty tubs.

Wonder how long we can keep them that way.

Elm trees and apologies.

I try to only turn my computer on in the evenings, or I can easily get stuck on it all day long, and then I don't get anything done. But I do have my phone set to receive emails, so I am able to read the comments from my blog on my phone shortly after they're posted. So I have the chance to read each and every comment, and I do. However, by the time I get the computer turned on at night to sit and write my post, I either forget about responding to the comments, or I'm so tired I can't seem to stay awake long enough to make any sense in my reply

So I wanted to apologize for being so lax with this. I'll try and do better. I do want you to know that I appreciate the support you all have shown me by reading my blog and leaving the comments. They spur me on to continue in the direction I'm going and to fight the good fight. They help me more than you could possibly know, and I'm very grateful for your kind words and support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Now...back to your regularly scheduled program...

Frank came over today and helped out. He cut down some elm trees. Some were probably 15' tall, but I don't think any were more than a couple inches in diameter. Have I mentioned before that I really can't stand the things? If I haven't before, let me now. I can't stand elm trees! Ok. So they're beautiful, if they haven't been struck with Dutch Elm Disease. No doubt about it. They provide plenty of shade, homes for birds and squirrels, and they look good.

However, they shoot up all over the place. By the time you see a sapling of only 10" or so, the roots are as much as 2' deep, so they're almost impossible to pull out. And in the older neighborhood in which we live, elm trees were planted as hedges around the edges of yards, so we're constantly getting new seedlings in the front and back yards as well as in the gutters of the house. Thankfully, they always die out quickly in the gutters, but it's still a pain that they're there in the first place.

We've had all of the elms cut down in our yard a couple of different times over the years we've lived here. However, thanks to all the neighbors' elms, we're never in short supply of new elm saplings. And those saplings grow quickly! We've had some that have grown 6' to 10' a year. Which is great, if you live in a rural area where you're in need of trees for a windbreak or for shade. To have hundreds of these elms growing in one yard in a suburban area? Not so good.

Hubster finally found something to put on them that will kill them, and he's used it with some success this year. Every tree he cut down and painted with the stuff has died, except one. You'd never know it though, because there have been several new trees that have already grown to replace them. It's a never-ending frustration for us. We're hoping that we can get them under control soon, though. Maybe, if we can paint all of the trees with the "elmicide" any new ones will be scared by the death they see all around and will decide to try and grow in someone else's yard.

Anyway, Frank cut almost all of the trees that were at our other neighbor's fence line down. I can now use all 4 lines on my clothesline, instead of only being able to use the first one. It will be a huge help, as I have tons of laundry to get done as soon as possible. I am ever so grateful for Frank's help today.

Right now, though, I'm so sleepy that I know I'm starting ramble. So I'll post tomorrow about the tubs I went through today.

Let's just say I'm pleased.

And goodnight. :)

Interrupted slumber.

A quick update on Bugster, Bubster and Frank. The paperwork was official enough that they can get Frank enrolled in school, so they've started the process. They really don't want him in the district they live in, because the schools there are pretty rough, so they're trying to get him in the one next to that. They'll find out in a couple of days, if the boundary waiver was accepted. If it is, they'll be ready. They already have the enrollment paperwork filled out and ready to go. Now it's just a waiting game. Thankfully, it shouldn't take too long.

We have got to get Hopper's room cleared out. It's holding a bunch of stuff that came from the main room downstairs when it flooded a little over a year ago. She and Scooter have been sharing Scooter's room all this time, and it's time they each have their own room again. Poor Hopper needs her space.

I'm not sure what set her off tonight, but she's been crying off and on for a couple of hours. She'd calm down for a few minutes, and I'd think she'd finally fallen asleep, and she'd start up again. She can't tell me what's wrong. Only that she has 'sad face'. She's exhausted but cant seem to relax enough to go to sleep. To say this is unusual is an understatement.

She is the Princess of Prolonged Repose.

She often sleeps 12 to 13 hours a day during the school year. And granted, the school year hasn't yet begun, but even during the summer 10 hours is about the least she sleeps. It's rare for her to be up past 8:00p.m., and here it is 10:30. Thankfully, she's no longer crying, but both girls are up now. They have eaten a snack and will be retiring again shortly. Tomorrow will likely be a long day for them.

Yep. They need their own space. And soon.

It's official. I think.

Today I decided to give my back a break from standing on the concrete that is the floor of the patio. I might give my back a break tomorrow, too, since it's supposed to be in the high 90s. The rest of the week is supposed to be a lot cooler, so I'll probably head out to finish things up then.

In the meantime, I did get both Hopper and Scooter's hair cut today. At least for the most part. I know that over the next few days, I'll see a strand or two of hair I've missed, or I'll see where I need to do a little touch up. It's always been this way whether I cut their hair, or somebody else does it. The biggest part of it is out of the way. The rest is easy.

I do take the girls in every once in awhile to get their hair cut, but I like the way it turns out when I cut their hair. I know how it lays. I know that I have to undercut it in the back more deeply than a stylist does, or it doesn't lay right. I can give them a break and let them move around a little more freely than a stylist can, if need be. Plus, I can use the television to keep their attention.

The main reason I decided to cut their hair today, is because I had to do more than trim it. Haircuts can be stressful at times. Especially for Hopper. And where she's had a problem with her anxiety and meltdowns a lot over the last couple months, I was afraid she might melt when she saw I was cutting 5 to 6 inches off. She's really struggled with that sort of thing in the past, so I just wasn't sure. Instead, both girls were thrilled with their new hairdos, and I was happy they were done.

Best thing of all today? Bugster, Bubster and Frank (doesn't that sound like the beginning of a really bad joke?) got great news today. The boys' dad some money for child support, a notarized power of attorney and something (also notarized) granting Bubster and Bugster temporary legal guardianship of Frank. It's good for a year. We're not sure, but we think this means the kids are officially Frank's legal guardians as of this moment.

However, we're not positive. There is a chance that Calamity will have to sign as well, and that doesn't look too promising. She's drinking again, and that's never, ever a good situation. I think Bugster will find out tomorrow when she takes the paperwork to the school to get Frank registered, if they have everything they need, or if they're going to need Calamity's signature. I think we'll all sort of be holding our collective breath until she finds out.

I, for one, am looking forward to breathing again.

A bit of a lazy day.

I didn't get a lot done today. Had a pinched nerve between my shoulder blades all last night and most of the day today that caused a lot of pain in my left arm. A pain pill and muscle relaxants helped, but I can still feel it wanting to rear it's ugly head again. I think it's from sleeping wrong. My hair is too long again, and this sort of thing always happens when my hair gets caught between my shoulders and my pillow. Time for a haircut.

After getting the girls showered this afternoon, we went back to school shopping for clothes. We'd gotten a coupon for 30% off everything in the store, including sales and clearance merchandise, so we made good use of the coupon. The girls are set for the most part for school to start. New leggings (as low as $2!), skirts (as low as $3) and dresses (as low as $4.50) for Scooter and new jeans and t-shirts for Hopper.

It's too much to have Scooter try her clothes on at the store, so I paid for them knowing that I might have to return a few things. Thankfully, I only have to return 3. Everything else fit. I know they have a bigger size in the one shirt that I want to exchange, but the others were the last on the rack. That's okay. She made out like a bandit and is quite pleased.

Hopper is thrilled with her new clothes, too. She's always been so easy to shop for. She's a t-shirts and jeans sorta girl. She doesn't like dresses at all, but she did wear a red skirt with black dots on it and leggings for Bugster and Bubster's wedding. She was willing to dress up for that, because she knew it was special, but I think for the most part she just feels like dressing up brings unwanted attention.

I'm happy that we got most of the school shopping done already. It's nice to get it out of the way. I'm looking forward to hopefully working out on the porch again tomorrow. I will on Friday and Saturday for sure. Frank will be coming over to make a little money and help out. It would be so awesome, if we could get the porch cleaned off completely by the end of the weekend.

I'm looking forward to getting back out there again...

Cool cats

I think I'm almost as excited as the girls tonight. We finally got the ceiling fan installed in their bedroom. It's going to make such a huge difference in how hot their room is, and it's just such a relief to have it done!

Before we could work on the fan we did have to go through and label all the breakers in the new circuit panel. It took awhile, but it's worth knowing what breaker controls what light or outlet. The only thing? There are now 3 unlabeled breakers. We have no idea what they control. We probably need to find out.

Oh! And neither air conditioner has popped the breaker since we had all the work done. The house feels darn right chilly at 76° today! Yay!

Calamity found out today that Bubster and Bugster are going to be going for guardianship of Frank. I'll leave it at this: it wasn't pretty. I really hope she doesn't give the kids too much trouble over it. The boys' dad is all for it, and since he has had custody for the last 3 years, he's hoping he can somehow transfer guardianship to the kids and help them avoid having to pay an attorney.

The whole thing just totally turns my stomach. I'm very thankful Frank isn't going to the state. I'm very thankful and proud of the kids that they're stepping up and taking responsibility. But my heart aches for Frank. I'm sure he's feeling a bit disposable.

I'm going to go spend some time with my wonderful husband and forget all my worries for awhile. Worry-free nights are good.