It must be the weather.

Warning:I'm having a bit of a pity party. I'm not asking for anyone to join me. I have enough pity for myself right now. However, I just needed to write it down and get it out. It helps me to get over myself...

I have to admit that I pretty much loathe days like today. At least the way today has started.

Woke up with my neck and shoulders killing me. I think my hair is too long. It's just past my jawline. However, having no neck, when my hair gets this long it gets stuck under my shoulders when I sleep. It causes me to tense up and not be comfortable when I sleep. I need to get it cut. I need my rest.

I also woke up in the middle of a major fibro flare. I hardly have the strength to lift my arms up again today, and I hurt all over. Barely putting any pressure on any part of my body sends pain shooting everywhere in close proximity to the original touch. It wouldn't be so bad, if the pain didn't linger, but it does. It takes several minutes, (sometimes, it's hours), for the pain to dissipate.

Our middle daughter had a massive meltdown again this morning. She wanted her dad to stay home from work. She yelled at the top of her lungs for him to "STAY! HOME!" The entire time, I just kept telling myself, "Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact." If I don't make eye contact, she can usually get herself under control in about 15 minutes or so. If I do make eye contact, it seems to exacerbate the problem, and the meltdown lasts at least 30 minutes.

This is the first time she's actually tried hurting her dad. She kept grabbing his leg and trying to pinch it with her entire hand. She stopped when he casually asked, "Why are you hurting Daddy?" I'm so glad he was able to appear calm on the outside. There's no way he was calm on the inside. It's impossible when she has meltdowns to keep your nerves under control.

Part of what set her off this morning was that he was wearing his long johns. He wears one of those one-piece red union suits like you'd see in old Westerns. He really has no choice with his job. He's outside a lot, and with the colder weather and the wind he freezes, if he doesn't have them on. She kept yelling at him to take them "OFF!" with tears streaming down her face.

We have NO idea what it is about them that sets her off. All we know is that it's beyond exhausting. He's supposed to go out of town for the weekend in a few weeks. I don't know how I'll handle it, if she starts freaking out. Mostly, I'll be praying she doesn't, and that I have the strength to deal with it without making the situation worse.

She's calmed down now, but she's still really loud. Her vocal chords are paralyzed. They can still vibrate, so she can talk, but they don't open and close like they're supposed to. As a result, it's very difficult for her to regulate her volume unless she's reminded repeatedly. I will be reminding gently all afternoon, I'm sure.

One small good note to this otherwise depressing post: It appears as though we may have sold the shower enclosure. We'll find out this weekend.

:::sigh:::

It was the wrong receipt.

Let me back up a bit...

Hubby and I wedged the shower surround into the car only to realize that he wouldn't be able to wedge himself between the seat and the steering wheel. That doesn't even take into account that he had no room for his feet. So we opened the back end of the station wagon that doesn't seem much bigger than a Mini Cooper, and pulled the box back out about 6 inches. He pulled the seats back to where he'd have room to crawl in the front seat to drive and tied the back end of the car shut with twine.

He proceeded to the hardware store where we bought the surround while I stayed home with the girls. Not that there would have been any room for us anyway. After lugging the shower surround into Home Depot and waiting in line at the returns, everything looked great. They took the receipt, then scanned the box. And wouldn't you know it, but it wasn't the right receipt. The shower thing listed on the receipt was a shower door we bought close to the same time. And while the shower door was still in the system, and we could get $149 plus tax out of it, if we wanted to return it we could. In fact, it's still sits uninstalled behind our bedroom door, but we actually are going to get it installed eventually. But the shower surround itself was no longer in the system, so even if we found the receipt we cannot return it to HD. :::sigh:::

So hubby brought it back home, stuck it in the garage, and went back out to run the other couple of errands that he'd planned on running after he'd returned the surround. Before he left, I took pictures of the picture on the box and stuck it up on Craigslist for sale after researching anything that was even close to what we had for comparison.

Someone has already emailed about it asking that we call her in the morning. We will. We're thrilled that someone is already interested. I'm hoping to be doing another Woot Woot Dance tomorrow or at least within the next week or two. I am glad I listed it immediately instead of putting it off. I have a tendency to procrastinate when I have a lot on my mind.

Looking around the study today (the room I've been working in most often since I started de-hoarding), and I realized I've gotten rid of at least half of what was in here. I'm very pleased with that. I will do what I can to finish it as quickly as possible, but we still have to finish the basement and unload the storage pod on the driveway. It may take awhile.

If I can at least finish up what's currently in here before unloading the pod, we'll be able to neatly stack the boxes of paperwork that will be coming in. Plus the filing cabinet will be neat and ready to receive those papers that I feel necessary to keep. That will make sorting the paperwork that's in the pod and in the garage ever so much quicker and easier. And I've learned my lesson.

I'll be wearing my mask.