Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.

You can read the start of my journey here.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Another Christmas Miracle.

When Mom came down to help me with my surgery back on December 1, she planned on going home before Christmas. I jokingly told her that I'd be praying for snow, so she couldn't go home. Then, I promised her that I wouldn't tell her, "Yay! A Christmas Miracle!!" when the snow would keep her here. 

Well, the snow didn't keep her here the first week or two. The infection I got post-op did, though. And since it wasn't the snow that kept here here, I teased her that it was a Christmas Miracle. We've had a lot of Christmas Miracles in the last several months...

There's been the infection. And the snow. And logistics, because sometimes there are just scheduling conflicts with the person who is supposed to meet us to take Mom the rest of the way home, because meeting someone almost 350 miles away takes coordinating schedules. There's The Hubster's back injury. And then there's Mom's generous and sacrificing love and her wanting to stay and help me get as much as possible done while she's here. 

And so, we've experienced yet another Christmas Miracle on St. Patrick's Day. 

Mom is staying one more week to help me finish up as much as possible before The In-laws get here the week after next. They're driving through after visiting The Hubster's brother's family down in Florida. They want to stop by and see the progress we've made and to visit us. 

I'm stressing over it. Because although I know Mom and I have kicked butt getting things done since she's been here, and that Hubster and I kicked butt before that and got tons done, I know it's not going to be enough. Plus, this whole thing makes me feel like I'm back in high school and working really hard to study for a test I know I'm never going to pass, even though I always passed all my tests in high school with flying colors.

I feel, however unrealistic the feeling may be, that they're coming for an inspection. Like landlords. Like we owe it to them somehow to have our house in order. I mean, that's one of the major benefits of home ownership. You no longer have to answer to someone else about what color you paint the walls or how long the grass has gotten.

You answer to yourself. 

And that's what this journey has been about all along. It's been about us owning up to and processing exactly why we are where we are in this situation. And somehow, up until now, I haven't been stressing over it. I've been working on things. Processing things one at a time, and dealing with the what, why and how of my hoarding. Because it's my hoarding. It's my problem. And I'm proud of the progress I've made. I've done an amazing job. I'm not finished yet, but I know I will get there.

I am taking back ownership of the situation. Of my feelings. I refuse to be stressed. To be judged and graded as though I'm completing an assignment in high school for a very harsh teacher. If it's something that happens, then it's on those who do the judging. It's not on me. 

Mom and I will get as much done while she's here as possible. Not because there will be any sort of test. Not to prove anything to anybody else. We will accomplish as much as possible, because Mom is staying to help out of the goodness of her heart. And because not accomplishing anything, when that's why she is staying and giving us another Christmas Miracle, would be wasting that miracle.

And miracles should be appreciated and relished. 

Not wasted. 


  1. An "inspection" came to mind while reading this since I know a few things about your in-laws. How stressful! I am so glad you have a good attitude about their visit! Keep up that attitude! If they disapprove, well, they are being bullies which I am sure you already knew anyway. At least YOUR child does not dread when YOU visit her!

    Think on that! Which is more important? A clean house or a good relationship with your kids?

  2. YOu have done brilliantly!! and your mom is a star! The in laws "popping out to check your progress" ??? Well that says a lot more about them to me than it does about you . Enjoy your mom, and enjoy your success

  3. You have done amazing things. Your journey inward is at least as important as the outward reflection of where that journey has taken you.

    You should feel nothing but pride and a sense of accomplishment.

    I'm aware that's a whole lot easier said than done.


  4. You are an amazing woman and you have within you the power to never allow those people to make you feel less than what you are EVER AGAIN. Your life is blessed in ways that they are incapable of understanding. You've taken back the power over your own feelings so keep in mind that they have no power over those feelings unless you give it to them. Stay on track, dear friend, and don't allow anything or anyone to derail you. You've come a long way, Baby!!!

  5. I have some words to say here about the in laws... but momma always said if you can't say anything nice...

    Well, then...

    enjoy some nice bonus time with your Mum. :)

  6. Man, that's tough...I feel for ya hon!

  7. Your mom is AMAZING!!! I can TOTALLY relate on the in-laws "inspection" thing, I feel the exact same way when my in-laws come over... Blast them. Just remember how amazing you are and that you have done amazing things!


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