On the tip of my tongue.

I get so frustrated when I am trying to remember something, and I am so close I can almost taste it, but it never completely breaks through the surface. In many ways, it felt that way with the guardianship thing. It felt like it was just out of the grasp of our fingers and we couldn't quite catch it. It still feels like it's a bit out of reach, since we haven't gotten the official paperwork in the mail yet, but at least we know it's coming, and the resolution will be complete when it finally shows up.

Triggered by a sound, which triggered a smell, I had to go on a web search for a toy from my childhood. Anyone remember Incredible Edibles? I'm talking about the electric toy that heated small plates filled with edible goo to solidify, or maybe I should say, "rubberize" them, so older brothers could terrorize their younger sisters with them. I can't count the number of gooey spiders and snakes that were put in either one of our beds or our hair or  chased us around the yard at night. I'm betting the inventor of Gummy Worms had an Incredible Edible machine when he was little, and I'm betting he chased his little sisters, too!

Seeing the picture of the plates brought back an almost physical reaction for me. There's nothing that smells quite like the gel that was used when it's baking, and for a split second, that smell was so strong that I was back in the home I grew up in, sitting around the machine with my brothers and sister waiting for the goodies to be done, so we could eat them. I could smell the dampness of the basement, feel the coolness of the concrete against my knees, and feel the anticipation as though I were 8 years old again. 

What wonderful memories!

It's funny how a sound or a smell can transport a person back in time. For years, there was a single phrase that transported me back, but it was like I was stuck in a time machine, for I could remember but one line in the song. I wanted to have the full experience of the memory, but no matter what I did to remember the rest of the song, I couldn't. 

Thankfully, my brother came through for me when we were back home for Mom's heart surgery. We were at the park with the kids, and I was standing around with one of my sisters, one of my brothers, and one of my sister-in-laws. I told them that I needed help! That there was a song that played on the radio when we were little that I wanted to hear again, but all I could remember was the phrase, "And find me a pretty girl!"

Instantly, my brother started singing the song! He remembered the words and the artist, but I've got to call him up and ask him who sang it, because I've already forgotten. I'm hoping it will lead to me actually finding an old vinyl record with the song on it. I really, really want to actually hear the song again, instead of just hearing the memory of it in my mind!) 

Do any of you remember this song???

I'm gonna get on a riverboat,

And go down the river,

And find me a pretty girl!

And if that pretty girl

Falls in love me,

I'm gonna marry her!

And if that pretty girl

proves to be untrue... 

I'm gonna get on a riverboat,

and go down the river, 

and find me another girl!

I've searched everything I have access to search, and not only can I not find the song anywhere, I can't even find the lyrics. It's frustrating, because in spite of being instantly transported to my childhood when my brother sang the three verses of the song that he remembered, I still feel like the rest of the memory is on the tip of my tongue. 

I want to be transported back in time to the black and white checkered floor in the kitchen with the sunlight dancing on the kitchen cupboards and stove top again. I want to feel like I did when I listened to it with my family when I was little. When I knew that Grammy and Grandad were just across the street, and that Daddy would come home every night, and that Mom would always be there when we got home after school. 

Just for awhile, I want to be transported back in time when the biggest worry I had was whether I was going to wear barrettes or ribbons in my hair that day, and whether I'd be able to stay awake and watch 'Connie Jarson' with Mom and Daddy. 

It's so close I can just about touch it...

Just when things were getting better...

...it begins again.

Scooter missed the first 3 days of school due to illness and fever and the 4th day of school for the guardianship. After attending school for 4 days, she's home sick again. This time, she's shared it with the rest of us.

I'm glad it didn't come at a more inopportune time - like when we were scheduled for court last week, but timing really isn't good. I was just starting to feel more normal and like I was returning to a good place mentally. 

I'm just hoping that by the time I start feeling better physically I'll be at the top of my game mentally, so I can get something accomplished! 

Maybe tomorrow? After all, it *is* another day.

It's a jungle out there.

I am a little surprised that I feel the way I do tonight. Maybe it's a bit of emotional and physical fatigue. I just thought that finally getting through the guardianship process would have had a bigger impact on my state of well-being. 

We met with the judge on Tuesday and finalized guardianship. It is such a huge relief to have it all done, but I also can't help but wonder, if the relief is why I'm so exhausted. I'm. just. Tired. Really, really tired. 

The judge was very sweet. The whole process took about an hour. We will get the official documents in the mail next week sometime. Once we get it, we'll have to get copies to the doctors' offices, day programs, school, etc., and keep a copy on hand to bring to the hospitals, should the girls ever need to be treated there again. 

The day itself was a bit stressful, though. Hopper started getting anxious when we kept having to drive around the block to find a parking spot close enough for Scooter, since walking long distances is a bit rough for her. We were hoping she'd settle down once we found a place to park, but no such luck. It only got worse.

I'm assuming all courthouses have security similar to the one here in town, but I don't know for sure, and you know what they say about assuming. It wasn't as rough having the TSA  get us through security, but I think Hopper thought it might end up in a strip search. 

OK. I'm exaggerating a little. She doesn't even know that happens, and I'm SO thankful she doesn't! She'd have really freaked out!!

The way it was, we had to empty our pockets and put the contents in a bin that went on a conveyor belt and through an x-ray machine. She did fine with that part, but when the metal detector beeped because of the underwire in her bra, she sort of flipped out. She was afraid to go back through it again and started getting worked up, sporadically yelling, "no!"

The water works started and the "NO!!'s" got a lot louder when the uniformed policeman had to use the wand to make sure she wasn't carrying any weapons. She was having a huge panic attack, and he was very sympathetic, but he was struggling with getting her to stand still long enough to pass the wand down her back and then her front. After multiple attempts, he was finally satisfied that she was not a threat and continued on with checking the rest of us. 

The only thing we can think of is that poor Hopper thought that once he was done he was going to frisk her. And we all know what comes after the frisking...

handcuffs! I wish we'd have though of explaining that part of it before we went in, but both Hubster and I were nervous enough about the whole thing that we didn't even think of it. 

I've been absolutely exhausted since Tuesday. I think it's just relief that this enormous monkey is off our backs at this point. 

I think the headache I have is from him holding tightly to my hair as he jumped off into the jungle.

Stupid monkey.