We have to bribe the trash man.

Every trash can we own is full. We have 6. Plus we have 2 huge bags of trash besides them to go tomorrow. *And* we have two boxes full of flattened boxes that also need to be picked up. So we are going to get a 6 pack of soda and pack it in a bag of ice or something, so they'll pick everything up for us. It's amazing what a 6 pack can do to help out in times like this.

I tried getting a picture after everything was out by the street for pickup, but it was raining, and it was dark, and I couldn't see, so I missed one can and one bag. Can't do this every week, though, we'll go broke buying pop!

It rained today after I got back from my appointment across town, but I was feeling pretty good, so I decided to work on the porch after it stopped raining. It was fairly cool outside compared to what it's been. It was in the low 80s vs the high 90s and low 100s. But the humidity was really high, because of the rain, so it felt hotter than it was. I don't like the humidity, but I love the rain, so I'm not complaining.

Hopper helped me out today by literally dragging the full garbage cans and boxes up to the front of the house where the trash cans are and bringing the empty cans back one at a time. She loved being helpful, and I so appreciated the extra pair of hands. It's amazing how much more one can accomplish with even a small amount of assistance at times.

I worked on sorting 3 boxes that I'd sorted before several years ago. One box was full of stuff I was going to keep to either sell or keep for our future grandkids. One box was full of stuff I was going to sell on eBay or Craigslist. The other was full of things I was going to donate to a local thrift store. I knew there were toys in some of the boxes, but I was a bit surprised that all 3 were full of toys, and I wasn't prepared at all for the memories that flashed when I saw them.

Some of the decisions were easy. If the toy was a soft toy, it automatically went in the trash. Even the full set of Simpsons dolls I'd gotten back in the late 1980s when the show was brand new, and our oldest was just a tot. I think I was hanging onto them more, because they were sentimental than anything, but when I was going through the box, I realized I never really liked them that much anyway. They just brought back memories of Bugster when she was tiny. But I still have those memories of Bugster when she was tiny, and that's enough. I can deal with that.

So I put what the former me would have done aside, and I tossed them in the trash. It took a few minutes, but I did it. I actually even got them back out for about 30 seconds and wondered why I was doing that, and I put them back for good. Wanna know what I would have done in a past life...a life that was mine before January 2010?

I'd have sorted them all into their own bag. In my head, I would refer to it as, 'The Simpsons Bag' with capital letters to give it the respect I felt the memories deserved. I would have thrown anything Simpsons related into the bag, whether it was the soft dolls, the Maggie hand puppet, the Bart windsock, the little rubber figures or the pack of 10 Simpsons posters that was still sealed in it's original plastic but had a tiny bit of water damage on the corners. Then, I'd obsess in my mind about all I had to do with each and everything in the bag.

I'd have to wash the little rubber figures really well in soap and water. I'd use a toothbrush gently on them, so I didn't scrape too much of the paint away. Then I'd soak them in bleach water for at least an hour being careful not to touch the paint while it was still wet, in the hopes that they'd still be the right color once they dried. Then I'd gently remove them from the water, rinse them, and put them on a paper towel to dry.

I would have to take the dolls, the puppet, and the windsock and vacuum them first. Then, I'd start the washer on the gentlest cycle and a cold water wash. In my head, I'd be screaming that it really needed to be hot to make sure it killed any bugs that might be living in them, but then I'd justify not using hot water, because I'd be using bleach anyway. While the washing machine was filling, I'd need to get the puppet turned inside out as much as possible, and put each doll in it's own pillow case and tie it shut. Then I'd wait impatiently while the washing machine did it's job. When it stopped, I'd grab the first pillowcase I saw, untie it, and check to see, if the eyeballs were still all intact. I'd be irritated as all get out, if they weren't because I knew I wouldn't get any money for them the way they were, and I'd just wasted all that time.

Then I'd try to figure out what I needed to do with the posters. I wouldn't hang them on my kids' walls, because they wouldn't even know who they are. They'd just know that Mom hung posters on their wall, and that I got irritated when they tore them down and ripped them to shreds, because they were bored. So I'd try to figure out a friend to give them to. I'd probably ask at least 4 people, if they wanted them. When they all said that they didn't want them, I'd throw them in the box to go to the thrift stores, because after all, they were still in the original plastic. Surely, someone would want them, even with the little bit of water damage in the corners. Besides. I had to give the responsibility to someone else. I would realize that it was more than I could handle to throw them in the trash myself, even though nobody would want them, and they were damaged anyway.

And all of this flooded through my mind while I was sorting the boxes. And I realized I am no longer the former me. I am me. I'm living in the now, and in the future, and I want a new life for us. A new life with fewer complications, because we have way too much stuff around the house to handle. So I threw them away.

The funny thing is that it paved the way for me to throw almost all of the other stuff away as well. We're talking a 3'x2'x1' box, an 18"x18"x18" box, and a 1'x2'x2' box of toys. And what I kept would fit in a 1'x1'x1' box. So I did pretty well. But it wasn't just a simple thing. I sorted through each box thoroughly. Every single item was in my hand or in the dustpan for me to sort through at a quick glance before tossing them in the trash can.

I found it incredibly difficult to toss the little figures that come in fast food meals, or that they got from the treasure chest at school for doing such a good job. Almost all of them could be washed and bleached. And someone could have used them. But I don't have the time to bleach all of them. They would have been in the girls' bedroom when I cleaned it out a few months ago, instead of out on the porch, if I'd had time to do it in the last several years that they've been outside. I couldn't give them to someone else and expect them to bleach them, because I wouldn't forgive myself, if a child got a hold of one of them without the parent's knowledge, and they got sick as a dog from them. So I tossed them all!

Well.

Almost.

I picked out the magnetic letters and numbers that go to toys that had been in their bedroom or are in the pod. I can bleach them. And I will. But they go to toys the girls will still play with. Toys that are educational, and ones I don't want to have to pay for again. They're electronic and cost too much to replace. There were less than a dozen such magnetic letters and numbers that I saved, so they take up very little room, and it won't be too time consuming for me to bleach them.

However, I found myself picking out Legos to bleach. Not the little tiny ones. I hate them. They're so small, and they hurt so much, if you step on them. So I only picked out the medium-sized Legos. I stuck them aside in the bag with the letters and numbers. However, since I've been in the house, I've been thinking about how I won't be able to get into every nook and cranny with a toothbrush, so if there's any dirt in there at all, it will probably stay there, and no amount of soaking in bleach will actually dislodge the dirt. And then there's that thing with the unsuspecting child getting sick from it going in their mouth. So I've decided I'm just going to toss them in the trash. They can be picked up fairly cheaply at thrift stores, anyway. Plus, I'm not sure, if the girls will even play with them any longer. So I'll be tossing them the next time I go out on the back porch.

I did find the little die cast airplane with Grover at the controls in one of the boxes, though. It was part of a set that we had when Bugster was a little girl. She played with the Big Bird dump truck the most, but she loved the little airplane, too. I haven't come across the dump truck since the girls' room was cleaned. My friend said she never came across it, either. So I decided I was not going to throw Grover away. I'll bleach him with the letters and numbers. I think I may just keep him around. He doesn't take up that much room. Besides, I think I can allow myself to keep a few things.

The last thing I kept for myself I really kept for me to play with our future grandkids. I don't remember what they were originally called. We called them 'Mr. Man'. There are a few different ones with different outfits. There's the cop, the fireman, the thug with the stocking cap. I've never seen anything like them before or since I bought them. They're rubber balls about the size of a golf ball with 3D noses and faces on them. They're absolutely adorable.

There's a little rubber car that goes to the set. There's a rocking chair and a bed. And they live in a these little round houses that sit atop one another. If you move the floor aside, you can attach the elevator to the top of the building, and crank them all the way up to the top floor. I just love them. And I played for hours with Bugster with them when she was little. And I want to play with Bugster's babies with them someday, too.

Since they're all rubber, I can safely bleach them and know that they're clean. The best part of it is that the houses were all in a heavy plastic bag with a real zipper that had held bedding at one time. So they weren't exposed to all the stuff that everything else in the boxes were. I'll be able to just wipe them off and not have to soak them in bleach, which is good. They have paper scenes that would peel off, if they were soaked, so I'm glad they were protected.

At one point, I came across a lot of Scooter's crib toys. It killed me to get rid of them. But there was just no way that I could get them clean enough to trust that they'd be clean enough for a child to use. But Scooter used them for years and years on her crib, because it took so long for her to sit up. She was in her crib until she was 5, because she couldn't even sit up until 2 weeks or so before her 4th birthday. So they had a lot of memories associated with them. And it killed me to throw them away. Thankfully, Scooter had gone inside to watch TV for awhile right when I got to that box. I'm so glad. It would have devastated her to see what I was throwing away.

So. There ya have it. Today was good. I got things done in less than 2 hours today that I couldn't have done in a month, had I attempted it 7 months ago. It was physically and emotionally exhausting, but I'm so glad to have gotten it done. I'll not miss a single thing that was thrown away today once the trash is picked up tomorrow. It will just be a part of my past.

I. Am. SO. Impressed. Part 2.

I tackled the closet in the girls' room today. Our middle daughter helped when they got home from school. She's not capable of figuring out what to do with things or where to put them unless I tell her, so I told her. Most of the time, she willingly worked and helped out. A couple of times (when she was missing her favorite television program that she's likely already seen a thousand times) she'd get a bit frustrated. It didn't happen often, and she got to watch her show when we took the boxes from the closet to the living room to sort.

Once again, our youngest would sign that she was "finished" with something, if she no longer wanted to keep it. I had to have her set some stuff down, because her hands were so full she was having a hard time signing. And our middle daughter was gladly saying "Keep it NO more! No more keep it!" I wish I could bottle her enthusiasm and use it on days when it's hard to get going. I'm totally in awe of both our girls. They amaze me.

Unbelievably, we sorted through almost as much as we already went through the other day in the bedroom. I am in shock. I honestly think that with everything we went through today, the two plastic storage containers that we still have to go through that contain dollies and dress up clothes, as well as what we already gave away, I think they probably only have 1/6th of their toys left! Seriously.

I don't know what's more shocking. That we got rid of so much, or that they had that much in the first place. Probably that we were able to get rid of so much. Ready to be shocked again? This does not include the copious amounts of toys in the garage, in the storage shed on the driveway, or on the back porch that I have yet to go through. By the time I get rid of all of them, we will probably be down to 1/12th of what we have had around here for toys.

I have really struggled with getting rid of toys. For so many years, the kids were at the same level developmentally without showing much progression. As a result, we had to come up with more toys for birthdays and Christmas, etc. that they didn't have but that would help them learn. To say that we ended up with too many toys would be an understatement. And while I've gotten rid of many of the toys over the years, I obviously haven't gotten rid of enough.

There was only one thing I hung onto for myself in all of this. I was able to part with a couple of stuffed parrots I had in my own bedroom as a teenager, but I couldn't give a little pillow away. My memory is a bit fuzzy on it. I don't remember, if I made it for our oldest, or if my niece made it and mailed it to her. But it's a little Precious Moments pillow made from a panel of fabric. I just couldn't let it go.

I have a picture of our oldest as a newborn with it. She was 3 weeks old in the picture. And she was smiling at the dolly. And I'm going to keep it for now. I can't bring myself to let it go. Not yet. Besides. How cute would it be to get a picture of her baby beside the same pillow some day?

Yeah. That's what I thought. :)

I. Am. SO. Impressed.

We had a Monday Morning Meltdown before school today. Our middle daughter was upset she couldn't help her younger sister get ready for school and raged for a full 30 minutes. Her meltdowns are brutal. She gets right in your face, turns different shades of red and purple and yells, "NO!" as though she's been through a self-defense class and has actually been attacked. The yelling and crying is accompanied by clenched fists and the occasional hop up and down as she tries to get herself together.

She tries to keep herself under control and not hit me, but this morning she was so angry she shoved me by the shoulders while I was sitting down. I felt her fingerprints for several hours due to the fibromyalgia. The meltdown lasted lasted for 30 minutes straight. There is no talking with her. No reasoning. She is out of control when it happens. When anyone does try to say anything to her they are met with an ear piercing, "NO!" If she starts moving towards her little sister, one of us moves between them. She's never attacked her sister (only me and her dad once), but we know she could do serious damage, if she did.

We're breathing a collective sigh of relief that it's over. We're hoping it means she's done with meltdowns for another month. We're hopeful that by then the Theanine will have reached it's full potential, and she won't have another episode. That sounds... heavenly.

Her meltdowns drain me physically and mentally both. So this morning, I went back to bed for awhile after we got the girls off to school. When I woke up, I got busy in their bedroom. When they got home from school, I had our middle daughter help me finish things up. Then all 3 of us went through almost everything that had been in the bedroom and sorted it.

Our youngest, who is non-verbal would sign her version of "finished", if she no longer wanted an item. She put the toys she wanted to keep in a basket. Our middle daughter is verbal, but she does struggle with words and how to say things. So if she didn't want to keep something, she'd say, "Keep it. NO more!" and wave her hands in her way of she was done with it.

I was in shock and so very, very proud of them. I made sure I told them. Often! They easily got rid of 2/3 of their toys! (1 huge box that we sorted when my mom was here that was 2' cubed, another box that was at 75% the size of the first box, a big black garbage bag of toys (I ran out of boxes) plus a sizable box of wooden blocks. They also got rid of at least 15 pair of shoes, flip flops or slippers.

Things that they were never able to part with before were gladly put in the box of toys to donate. The hardest thing for me to see go was a little die cast dump truck with Big Bird at the wheel. It was our oldest's favorite toy when she was tiny. All 3 of the girls played and played with it, and I was shocked when our middle daughter said, "Keep it NO more!" It's the only thing they got rid of that I thought twice about.

And I've thought more than twice about it. It's one of only 3 or 4 times I've had physical symptoms when getting rid of something. I'm still contemplating having it returned to me. I have slight heart palpitations knowing it's gone, and my mind keeps wandering and wondering, if I made the right choice to give it away. I may just ask the person who has it now, if they'd mind taking a picture of it and emailing me the picture. I really should have done that before I let it go out the door, but I didn't want the girls to see me struggle with it. I didn't want them to see me search through everything they'd given up only to retrieve it.

Our oldest and her husband came over, loaded all that we'd gone through into the back of our car, and dropped it off at my friend's house for her and her kids to go through and take what they wanted. They will pass along what they don't want to friends or family or donate it for me.

It is no longer my problem.

Yay!

I am so excited and happy about dehoarding their bedroom. I still have to clean out the closet and a small toy box, but compared to what we've already gotten rid of, that ain't nothin' but a thing!

And I am so impressed with the girls and how they shone that I don't have adequate words!