Ugh!

Up until a few years ago, when someone hurt my feelings, I'd get mad. When I'd screw something up, I'd get angry. I was just angry all the time. It didn't help that I have such a severe case of resting bitch face there is, because I also looked angry even when I wasn't. And I hated it when people would ask me, if I was mad. It irritated the crap out of me!

But my sister, who was always so much softer than I was, told me a few years ago that she always admired that about me. She worked in a very high stress job where showing emotions were detrimental. She said she'd have given just about anything to have the personality that I have, because it would make her life so much easier. It would be easier to be taken seriously, if she wasn't crying every time she got mad or frustrated. 

Several years later, she had relief in the form of a hysterectomy. She said she felt like she grew "a great big pair" the moment she woke up from surgery. She no longer cried at the drop of a hat, and she was able to be taken seriously by everyone. 

Fast forward to today.

I think mine shriveled up and fell off. 

There are days I can hardly make it through the day without just being weepy all day long. It's SO not like me. I'm thinking it has a lot to do with the lack of hormones that come with menopause. I feel weak and incapable, and I hate it! If something happens first thing in the morning that sets me off, it's hard to shake it for the rest of the day. I feel completely incapable of making a decision. In fact, I wrote the last post about 3 weeks ago and just barely published it last night.

It pisses me off!

Which makes me cry. 

Ugh!

Which do you want first? The good news or the bad news?

I always ask to hear the bad news first. I'd rather get it over with and end things on a good note. I've always been a 'glass half-full' sorta gal. I have always tried to look for the silver lining in the dark clouds of life. Still, I'm having a hard time finding the silver lining today. I know it's there. I just won't be able to see it for a few months.

I went to the doctor this morning. The surgery I had back in August was a complete ... failure. My particular situation has turned out to be on the wrong end of the spectrum of success. It now appears I will be going in for yet another surgery. Unfortunately, I'll need to get it done before the end of the year, just because we have no idea how much our insurance will go up next year, but we're assuming it will. It will likely be most affordable for us, if I have it sooner than later.

I don't normally talk about certain things that are of a personal nature on my blog. Some things I have no problems talking about, but certain things are out of my comfort zone. Certain things that happened in my childhood I will never discuss on my blog, because I'm just not there. I thought this was one of those things that was off limits for me, too. However, I feel like I could really use some input from anyone reading who personally may have gone through this for reassurance. So...anyone out there have a hysterectomy? And if you have, can you either email me privately or leave a comment (without real graphic details, please) about your experience?

I'm a little freaked out about it, even though I've seen this coming for months. :::sigh::: I just don't want to take the time for it. You know? I have too incredibly much to do! Then again, not having the surgery is preventing me from getting done what I need to accomplish anyway, so...

On a good note, not only did I go to the doctor this morning, but I also stopped at the DMV and got my driver's license renewed, and stopped at Sam's for a few things we needed on the way home. After fixing lunch for The Hubster to take to work and fixing lunch for myself and the girls, I was able to get some painting done.

The only thing that isn't primed and ready to paint tomorrow is the back of the headboard we'll be cutting down to use as a footboard for Scooter's bed. I look forward to getting the last of the painting finished this weekend. It will free up my spare time to get as much done as possible before having my surgery. I'd love to have the pod of our things on the driveway completely unpacked before I go in.

It would really be nice to park in the driveway again!