My husband and I have been married nearly 24 years. It's been a very good marriage, and we feel very blessed to have found one another. It's not often that you find someone who can tolerate your short comings so willingly and whose shortcomings you have a hard time seeing most days. We are best friends, and we are very thankful for one another.
That being said, I fear I fall quite short of the mark in his parents' eyes. I have for the last 25 years. I never have and never will measure up as far as they are concerned, and I am honestly okay with that. I am all my husband needs or wants, and that's really all that matters. Still, it hurts when they are judgmental or full of condemnation toward me.
The other night, they called my husband to say that they'd be driving through town. They live several hundred miles away from us, and they don't visit often. They wanted to come to our house to see how we were progressing on our basement projects after having been flooded last Spring. He said that he didn't want to put me in that sort of position, and that we could meet them somewhere for lunch, but he didn't want them coming to the house.
He said his mom started kind of going off on me. That she basically blamed me for the entire mess we're in, and that they knew he had nothing to do with it. He got a bit irritated and told her that it was NOT all my fault. There are 4 of us living in the house, and all 4 of us have our own hoarding or OCD issues and add to the mess, and it's not fair to put it all on my shoulders. While I was saddened that he had words with his mom, it made me feel so good knowing he has my back and always has.
Honestly, I'm not sure how he turned out to be such a wonderful person with the condemnation he had growing up. Instead of an 'atta boy' when he got good grades, he got an 'it's about time'. It didn't change after we got married, either. I have heard only one time from them in the almost 23 years we've been parents that we're doing a good job. Once.
Needless to say, I'm not going to be sharing this blog with them. I know that in their own odd way that they do love me, they love the kids, even though they don't like being around them for more than an hour or two, and they love my husband. But I also know that I can't handle the stress and/or condemnation that may come from it, and we'll invite them to our home when we're ready.
I'm just glad my husband is the man he is. They obviously did something right! He's an amazing person, and I'm glad he's ours!
Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.
You can read the start of my journey here.