Compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder that is just beginning to be understood. As a hoarder, I have acquired things over the years with a specific purpose in mind at the time of the acquisition, used some of those items for their intended purposes, forgotten the goal for different objects, but now that I find that they have outlived their purpose in my life I am struggling to rid myself of those same things.
You can read the start of my journey here.
Things stayed with me for most of the day today. I am rarely weepy. I was for the better part of the day. But bless her heart, Bugster came over and watched the girls for me, so I could run out and get some things I needed to make the pinata. Mentally, it helped to get out, but I can hardly move tonight my back hurts so much. It's just been a long day.
Tomorrow will be a long day, too, beginning with a dental appointment. The tooth I broke off several months ago is finally going to be fixed. As much as I'm not looking forward to it, I am thankful it's going to be done. It feels like a little more has come off the tooth lately, so it is good that I'm going in.
I worked on the moose pinata for a good portion of the day. Right now it looks about like a flying pig. Tomorrow, it should look more like a moose. The antlers are currently in front of the fan drying thoroughly before I put the light brown fabric on them and attach them to the head. The rest of the moose will be a darker brown fabric. It will be interesting to see how it looks by tomorrow night. I will post pictures. Promise.
Right now, I'm going to bed. I'm sorry I haven't replied to any comments the last week or so. I've read every single one of them, and I do plan on responding, but as insane as my life has been the last couple weeks, I feel like I just can't take the time right now. You are all so very appreciated. I am not sure how I'd be getting through days like the last couple without the support I've been getting from everyone.
From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
I've kept myself very busy all day long, and I accomplished a lot. Thankfully, the one air conditioner only blew the breaker once, and the other one only 4 times. Can you tell which air conditioner is on the west side of the house? Thankfully, it was about 15 degrees cooler today than it was yesterday. The house was actually comfortable today instead of just bearable. Tomorrow will be a different story, as it will be hot again, but having a little break from the heat helped.
I thought I was doing fine all day. I've done really well thinking happy thoughts and preparing for some upcoming adventures with the family, but as I sit here, things are starting to sink in. I went from coping well to not so much.
The most important man in my life before my husband died 3 years ago today. Daddy died a short 5 weeks after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was in excruciating pain and his body was literally a shell of his former self. He had to have lost at least 75 pounds in about 3 months. It was so hard to watch.
Lung cancer is such an insidious disease. It's almost always a death sentence, because it is so small it's rarely detected early. It typically has 6 to 12 years to grow and spread before it's ever diagnosed. I remember being absolutely stunned when I researched it a little bit the night I heard the news. I sobbed when I read that the average survival rate without treatment was only 3 to 6 months. With treatment, it was only marginally better. As in only weeks to months better. It accounts for the most deaths amongst all cancers. And it's devastating.
All day today, I've tried to put my feelings aside and busy myself. I've done my best to try to put the pain of losing Daddy off to the side. To only think of the good things.
That he was lucid when he said goodbye, and that he knew every single one of us.
That his death was as beautiful as a death could be.
That Daddy was a one in a trillion father.
That he loved my mom and us kids with a passion few are blessed to know.
His smile.
His eyes.
His laugh.
His hugs.
His love.
I miss you, Dad.
The only thing that's kept me even somewhat cool today is that my hair has been literally dripping wet most of the day, and it really hasn't helped a lot. We did have record high heat today like they predicted, although it didn't get all the way to 105°. It only got to 101°. That's hot enough.
Of course the little window air conditioners have been totally overwhelmed today. At one point when the one had flipped off, I took about an hour and rewired all the outlets that were on the circuit. Unfortunately, that didn't even help. It was just. too. Here it is 10p.m., and it's still 80°. It's just not cooling off yet, and the air conditioners are still popping off, even though they're set on 78°. It's going to be a long, hot, and miserable night.
As much as I'd wanted to get stuff done downstairs, I didn't. I'd totally forgotten that there is not place down there to sit. None. And I was miserable enough with just the heat issues. I didn't want to add back pain to the misery, so I stayed upstairs and flipped breakers and tried to stay in front of a fan. I was also able to get a couple loads of laundry done, but nothing like I was hoping to accomplish. Maybe tomorrow.
Bugster did come over after work, and she, Hopper, Scooter and I watched Tooth Fairy. It was silly and cute and helped get our minds off the heat.
Sort of.
I worked on the moose pinata for a good portion of the day. Right now it looks about like a flying pig. Tomorrow, it should look more like a moose. The antlers are currently in front of the fan drying thoroughly before I put the light brown fabric on them and attach them to the head. The rest of the moose will be a darker brown fabric. It will be interesting to see how it looks by tomorrow night. I will post pictures. Promise.