Dancing with Daddy

Last year when Bugster and Bubster got married, there wasn't really a reception. They got married at the courthouse just after 5, when the judge was available. We then went to a neat little pizza joint, where we surprised them with the wedding cake I made, and we hung out with them for a couple of hours that evening. But there wasn't a reception in a formal sense. 


This year, things will be more formal. They will have a ceremony, followed by a reception. There will be eating and dancing and toasting and hopefully, some pinata demolishing.


And with my nephew's wedding just days away, I started thinking of the traditions of a reception. The first dance for the bride and groom. The father/daughter dance. The mother/son dance. The money dance, where as many people as can pin money to the bride and groom to dance with them for a moment before the next person steps in, all in attempt to give the happy couple a little extra cash with which to start their lives. And of course, we mustn't forget The Hokey Pokey. 


They are going to have a blast!


As my mind wandered down this train of thought, it wandered to my own wedding reception 25 years ago, when Daddy asked me, if he "could have this dance."


I remember being a bit embarrassed when I admitted that I didn't know how to officially dance. I mean, I danced with Hubster, but not a Waltz or a Two Step. I could only dance Clingon. As in I would Clingon to Hubster, and he would Clingon to me. Which, incidentally, is the only dance either of us knows to this day. 


But when I think of that dance with Daddy, I can feel the butteflies in my stomach all over again, my eyes begin to well with tears, and the smile cannot be wiped from my face. I feel his hand on my waist and the rough, calloused hands of a man who worked for a living under my fingertips.


I had the giggles. I was nervous, even though I knew Daddy wouldn't judge my lack of dancing ability. But I wanted to please him. I wanted to do it right. I wanted to make him proud.


He sensed my nervousness, likely, because I was stiff as a board. He told me to relax.


"There's nothing to it."


"Just follow my lead."


"Those were my toes."


School girl giggles. 


"I'm glad you're happy. Hubster seems like a fine young man."


"Thanks, Daddy. I am happy. And he is an amazing man."


"I said I'd lead!"


Hysterical giggles.


"You're doing fine."


"But just follow me. I'll lead."


The giggles turned to guffaws, as we joked and teased one another, and I stepped on Daddy's toes repeatedly, as I tried to lead, without knowing the first thing about dancing. It was such an intimate moment with my daddy, and it's one I will cherish for the rest of my life. 


I want that for Bugster. I'm trying to talk Hubster into learning a Two Step or a Waltz, so he can have that experience with Bugster, too, but even a Clingon will do.


Because they both need to experience that intimacey and closeness and the giggles that only a father/daughter dance can bring about. 
So that years from now, when Bugster is driving 1000 miles across country to go to a cousin's wedding, she can tear up at the wonderful and fond memories of that special dance with her daddy. 


So she can still feel the butterflies of excitement, fun and nervousness of dancing with her daddy.


So she can feel the calloused hand of a man who works for a living beneath her fingertips.


Because everyone needs to have something so wonderful that nothing can wipe the smile from their face at the mere memory.


This post was written in the car on the way to our nephew's wedding a couple of weeks ago. It is dedicated to the best dad in the entire world, who we lost too soon 4 years ago this week, because it's always too soon to lose someone as beloved as he was and is. I miss you, Daddy, but I'm so very thankful God gave you to us kids as our very own Daddy! I love you from the bottom of my heart, and I can't wait to see you again someday. 

I'm so not used to this!

Posting on the netbook on vacation for the first time. I'm definitely not used to the small keyboard. I'm used to my ergonomic keyboard that's full sized and knowing where the backspace key is. Isn't it funny how odd things look and how uncomfortable we can be when things change even a little?

Having a blast. Trying to keep hoarding in mind even while I'm up here. I've gone to garage sales a couple of times with my sisters, and the one thing I did buy (a robotic vacuum cleaner), I ended up taking back and getting my money back, because it didn't work. He gladly gave me my money back, so I bought a small hard suitcase from him for a buck. I mentioned awhile back I wanted to buy a couple small suitcases for the girls and paint them. Now I have one, and it was much cheaper than I would have spent on the ones I looked at the thrift store. I'll keep looking for another cheap one and see what I can find.

I'm really hoping I'll get used to this netbook by the time we get done with vacation. It's driving me nuts the way my thumb keeps making my cursor jump all over the page when I hit the touchpad. I wonder, if it is disabled when a mouse is plugged in. I'll have to check into that. This is driving my nuts!

I'm going to go enjoy my family some more.

Wishing Daddy was here, so I could give him a Father's Day hug.

Hope all you father's have had a wonderful day today!

Weeping Meese.

Things stayed with me for most of the day today. I am rarely weepy. I was for the better part of the day. But bless her heart, Bugster came over and watched the girls for me, so I could run out and get some things I needed to make the pinata. Mentally, it helped to get out, but I can hardly move tonight my back hurts so much. It's just been a long day.

Tomorrow will be a long day, too, beginning with a dental appointment. The tooth I broke off several months ago is finally going to be fixed. As much as I'm not looking forward to it, I am thankful it's going to be done. It feels like a little more has come off the tooth lately, so it is good that I'm going in.

I worked on the moose pinata for a good portion of the day. Right now it looks about like a flying pig. Tomorrow, it should look more like a moose. The antlers are currently in front of the fan drying thoroughly before I put the light brown fabric on them and attach them to the head. The rest of the moose will be a darker brown fabric. It will be interesting to see how it looks by tomorrow night. I will post pictures. Promise.

Right now, I'm going to bed. I'm sorry I haven't replied to any comments the last week or so. I've read every single one of them, and I do plan on responding, but as insane as my life has been the last couple weeks, I feel like I just can't take the time right now. You are all so very appreciated. I am not sure how I'd be getting through days like the last couple without the support I've been getting from everyone.

From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

It's starting to sink in.

I've kept myself very busy all day long, and I accomplished a lot. Thankfully, the one air conditioner only blew the breaker once, and the other one only 4 times. Can you tell which air conditioner is on the west side of the house? Thankfully, it was about 15 degrees cooler today than it was yesterday. The house was actually comfortable today instead of just bearable. Tomorrow will be a different story, as it will be hot again, but having a little break from the heat helped.

I thought I was doing fine all day. I've done really well thinking happy thoughts and preparing for some upcoming adventures with the family, but as I sit here, things are starting to sink in. I went from coping well to not so much.

The most important man in my life before my husband died 3 years ago today. Daddy died a short 5 weeks after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was in excruciating pain and his body was literally a shell of his former self. He had to have lost at least 75 pounds in about 3 months. It was so hard to watch.

Lung cancer is such an insidious disease. It's almost always a death sentence, because it is so small it's rarely detected early. It typically has 6 to 12 years to grow and spread before it's ever diagnosed. I remember being absolutely stunned when I researched it a little bit the night I heard the news. I sobbed when I read that the average survival rate without treatment was only 3 to 6 months. With treatment, it was only marginally better. As in only weeks to months better. It accounts for the most deaths amongst all cancers. And it's devastating.

All day today, I've tried to put my feelings aside and busy myself. I've done my best to try to put the pain of losing Daddy off to the side. To only think of the good things.

That he was lucid when he said goodbye, and that he knew every single one of us.

That his death was as beautiful as a death could be.

That Daddy was a one in a trillion father.

That he loved my mom and us kids with a passion few are blessed to know.

His smile.

His eyes.

His laugh.

His hugs.

His love.

I miss you, Dad.