What's wrong with me?

For the past couple of years, but especially the last several months, I've wondered, if I'm on the Autism spectrum. Back when I was a kid, I struggled with friendships. It seemed like I always did something wrong to push people away, but I never quite understood what happened that made the friendship die. It was just...over. But it wasn't just when I was a kid. I've been like this my entire life.

And while I can easily put myself in others' shoes and even physically feel what they are feeling, I struggle with figuring it out in someone's writing unless they actually spell it out. Which makes other parts of my life make a bit more sense. Like that fact that I love deep contrasts in color like black and white. Like the fact that I love absolutes. Like the fact that I've always loved rules. Like the fact that I've always loved math, because there's either a right answer or a wrong answer. Period. 

I like clarity. I need it, like I need air to breathe. 

And when I communicate, whether it is through writing or talking, I use more words than most to get my meaning across. I want to know that I'm understood, and I want desperately to understand others. So when others use passive aggressive ways to communicate it confuses me. I understand that they're irritated with me, and that I've done something wrong, but I have no clue as to what it is unless they've said it directly.

I think that it's me. And then I loathe who I am. And I have a really hard time figuring out how to fix things.

What's wrong with me?

Thanks.

Tonight, I was going to post the second Progress in Pictures post, but I got something in the mail today that made me change my mind...

My friend, Susan, over at Ami.Mental., sent me a surprise to wear when I go to the hospital for my surgery Wednesday. It got here today, and I am so excited and anxious to wear my night shirt!The picture doesn't do it justice! It's much prettier than the picture shows. The colors, especially the purple, are so vibrant! I absolutely LOVE it! Thank you so very much, Susan!! You did an absolutely AMAZING job! I am so in awe of your talent!!

She also sent some yummy smelling soap that I look forward to using as I'm recuperating. :)
Susan thought of everything. She even sent 3 pair of little booty slipper socks for me, Hopper and Scooter - mine, so I have something pretty and comfy at the hospital to wear, and so they have something to wear here at home when I'm not around. They're so soft and fuzzy. They're definitely going to keep our tooties warm. :)Thank you so much, Susan! I appreciate your generosity, but mostly I appreciate your friendship!

Ketchup on apples?

Yeah. So getting the scrubs tops sewn today didn't happen.

My dear friend stopped by, so we could pick apples. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We picked 2.5 bushels of apples, and there have to be probably at least 10 bushels left on the tree. We are going to have a rough time getting to the apples toward the top of the tree. It's a pretty tall tree. However, it did its best to help me out for when I pick our apples tomorrow.

A huge branch, which probably contains 15 to 20% of the total number of apples on the tree came down sometime in the last few days. The Hubster noticed it when he went outside yesterday, so it likely happened Friday or Friday night into Saturday. I will at least be able to pick all the apples from it without help, but it's a shame it came down. We're hoping to severely prune the tree and see, if maybe it makes a difference in the overall health of the tree. We'd love to be able to save the tree, if we can, but we understand that this might just be too big a loss for it. We'd just really hate to lose the apples. They're some of the best tasting ones we've ever had.

When the apples were loaded in her car, my friend and I were able to go spend some time together to catch up. We haven't had the chance in over a year, and I'm so glad we finally had the opportunity. I miss getting the chance to spend time with my friend. We won't let another year go by without going out for coffee again. I'm already looking forward to our next get together.

Right now, I have an appointment with my bed. I've got so much sewing and painting to do again tomorrow that I need to get some sleep.

Shoot. Look at that. I'm already late for my appointment.

Gotta go!