That which changed our Life Before. Part 2

When Hopper was born, she squeaked. She squeaked when she breathed in. She squeaked when she breathed out. It wasn't a soft little squeak like a mouse would make. It was much louder. Like a squeaky door hinge. She was diagnosed with a Stridor that was the result of Laryngomalacia. And by the time we were in the doctor's office in Norfolk 2.5 years later, The Hubster and I didn't hear it anymore. Well, we could hear it when she cried, but there was such a huge improvement that we really didn't hear it.


So when the pediatric cardiac surgeon came through the door and asked who was squeaking, The Hubster and I didn't even know what to say. He said that he could hear it through the closed door of the exam room across the hall in his office with the door closed. We were in shock. We honestly had gotten so used to it that we didn't even notice it anymore. Mom was shocked that we didn't hear it, because she said that she was surprised at how loud it still was after all these years.

The surgeon was unwilling to operate until we saw an ear, nose and throat doctor to find out what was causing the squeak. Because Hopper should have outgrown it by the age she was at the time. So we went to the ENT the next morning. 

We were told that Hopper not only had the Laryngomalacia, which she had mostly outgrown, but also had paralyzed vocal cords. They could still vibrate, but they didn't open and close like they should, and that's why she squeaked. We were told that she should have had a tracheotomy tube at birth, and that we were lucky she was alive and doing as well as she was. 

Boy, did that explain a lot! Like how she would turn blue and pass out when she cried when she was tiny. I took her to the pediatrician about it when she was little, and he said she was holding her breath to get attention and had a bit of a temper. That didn't sound quite right to me, but what did I know? I was overwhelmed with therapy and doctor appointments and dealing with The Hubster's 15 month deployment, so I didn't question it. I didn't insist on more testing to make sure, like I would now. I had to trust that the doctor knew what he was talking about. I thank the Good Lord that He protected Hopper. Things could have been so much worse. 

The ENT told us that although we had been lucky up until that point that we still needed to be on guard. We had to make sure Hopper never got overheated or cried too hard, because her vocal cords could swell shut. If her vocal cords did swell shut, she would need to have an emergency tracheotomy. 


So much for being able to breathe.

It was bad enough that she had a seizure once when she turned blue and passed out. The fact that we could have lost her shook us to the core. So when we went back to the surgeon later that day with the results, we were relieved to find out that he would not be performing heart surgery on Hopper. He said the risk of intubation far outweighed the risk of the heart defect that needed repaired. She would eventually need to have the surgery, but it could wait until her vocal cords grew enough there was no danger of intubation. 


We felt like we could breathe again. 


At least for a time.

That which changed our Life Before. Part 1

I've been on an emotional roller coaster today going through the laundry that had long been forgotten. They seem familiar and yet foreign to me. They bring back faint memories of a life that once was but passed too quickly. These clothes are the window to my past. To our past. And the memories associated with them are bittersweet.

You see, these clothes represent a moment in time when all was well with the world. When life was simple. When life wasn't all about hospitalizations and illness and loneliness and and emptiness that overwhelmed me. They were from our Life Before, and while I am no longer in that dark place today, I feel I need to acknowledge it, that I might realize I did the best I could and I can leave it in the past...


The Hubster was in the United States Marine Corps, and we were stationed at Camp Lejeune, NC. I was so proud of him for serving our country, and I was proud to be a Marine's wife. Granted, there were a lot of separations from being in the field for weeks at a time, and there was loneliness from missing 'home' that was over 1500 miles away, but overall we were happy.


We lived off-base in the community of Jacksonville in the Fall of 1992. The house we lived in had major problems that we didn't realize until we'd been there several weeks. It seemed I was always sick, and there was a good reason for it. There was mold and mildew growing up the walls inside the house. I had to move furniture and take pictures off the walls every few weeks and bleach the walls to get rid of the mildew and mold. The house apparently had no moisture barrier under the foundation, and it allowed for entirely too much moisture in the house. It was beyond miserable. I just never felt like I could breathe. I knew I had asthma as a kid, but when I would ask the doctors, if it could have possibly come back, I always got the same answer. My lungs sounded clear.

I did my best to carry on. I walked Bugster to kindergarten and home from school every day, and I stayed home with Hopper while Bugster was in school. I loved the time we had together. However, it wasn't long before I found out we were expecting Scooter. I had a few complications, as it was a high risk pregnancy, but I was falling in love with our little baby more and more every single day. 


Fall turned into Winter which slowly turned into Spring. In March of '93, we were approved for base housing, and we were thrilled. We were beyond ready to get out of that horrible and moldy house. I felt like I could finally breathe again and waited in anticipation for moving day.


In the meantime, we found out that Hopper needed to have heart surgery. They couldn't do the surgery at Camp Lejeune, so we traveled up to Norfolk to see what they could do up there. We were scared to death. The mere mention of heart surgery tends to stop a parent's heart mid-beat with fear, and we were no exception. We were scared.


Mom traveled the 1500 miles to be with us to help out when Hopper went in. She helped us move into base housing, and we all left for Norfolk the next morning. We had an appointment first thing to have Hopper checked out by the pediatric cardiologist prior to her surgery. 


Mom went with us to Hopper's doctor appointment, partly for moral support, partly to act as another set of ears to listen to what the doctor had to say should we forget something he said, and mostly, because none of us could see her sitting in the hotel waiting for us and worrying. We were all very thankful she was there, as things didn't go exactly as planned.

When in doubt, punt.

Christmas has never lasted so long as it has this year. We've experienced yet another Christmas Miracle. Mom is staying another week, and we are so happy she is! There are high wind warnings all the way from our house to hers, along with snow and rain. It's just not safe for her to head home right now. She thought about heading home in the middle of the week, but she said she'd stay until next weekend, if we tackled the garage while she's still here. 

Today, we were in the middle of a full out blitz.


Tonight, we're exhausted, but feeling good at what we've accomplished so far. 


I'm also feeling a bit overwhelmed at what awaits.


Besides the customary tools, dust and mouse poop that are in the majority of garages in America, we found boxes of toys, paperwork and laundry. 


Yes. I. Said. Laundry.


Lots and lots of laundry. So that 50 loads or so I did last week? It doesn't even compare to what lies ahead. I'm guessing I have 50 to 75 loads of laundry to do. I'm hoping I'm overestimating, but only time will tell. I will be keeping score.

In the deep, dark recesses of my mind I vaguely remembered there was laundry to do in the garage. However, it's been there so long that it just became part of the landscape. Just a dot on the horizon that's not really noticeable in the big scheme of things that is the garage. 


What I didn't realize was just how big that dot actually was. Turned out it wasn't just a shadow on the horizon. It was the mountain rising up in the distance. Even though it wasn't totally unexpected to find the laundry in the garage, I have to admit that even I was surprised at exactly how much there was waiting for me or how long it had been waiting.


There was one box that had been sealed up and sent through the Postal Service from my parents' house to the house we rented in North Carolina when I was pregnant with Scooter and The Hubster was still on active duty. Scooter will be 18 this summer. The box was still sealed with the original tape.


Let's just say that life became exceptionally overwhelming during that pregnancy and didn't really slow down until recently. Truth be told, I'm not sure that life really slowed down as much as I have been able to speed up. I'll eventually blog about what life was like in more detail, but all that talk about speeding up? Yeah. It's it's a minute by minute thing. In fact, at this moment, I'm slowing down considerably and am having a rough time staying awake. 

On that note, I think I'll go crawl into bed, so I'll be ready to go in the morning. And while I know we won't finish everything in there tomorrow, I'm really looking forward to making an even bigger dent in the mess and getting started on the laundry on Monday that Mom has so graciously sorted for me. 


I'm sure I'll be dreaming of a winning game plan all night long.