How do I say goodbye?

Today, we finished going through the last of the boxes from the girls' room. One was the box of dress up clothes. The girls have grown so much that nothing really fit them anymore, so I'm giving the majority of them to a friend who has younger girls who still like to play dress up.

I only saved 4 things from the box. Two were Gunne Sax dresses and one skirt. I figured I'd wash them up and try to sell them on eBay. A lot of them go for an amazing amount right now, so I figured it would be worth sticking in my eBay stash. If I change my mind at some point, I'll go ahead and give them to my friend.

The 4th thing I saved back is a pink dress I'd picked up at a thrift store several years ago for them to play with. It has an off-the-shoulder bodice, but it's stretched out enough that particular part of the dress would fit a linebacker. However, the skirt is in good condition. It's a pretty satin circle skirt with a bit of a pattern in it. I decided I'm going to cut the skirt portion of the dress off and make our youngest a skirt she can twirl in, if she so chooses. There's just nothing like a circle skirt to make a little girl smile!

The other box was the box of dolls. They were all baby dolls of assorted sizes. The girls never really got into dolls much, but they still got them over the years. It wasn't too hard to get rid of them, because the girls never really played with them. A complete lack of memories with an item definitely makes it easier to get rid of things. No doubt about it.

When I got to the bottom of the plastic storage box that held the dolls and their memories or lack thereof, I was taken aback. Just a bit. There, at the bottom of the box, was my dolly from the year I turned 7. I loved that doll. Obviously, or I wouldn't have hung onto it all these years. My mom knew I wanted this dolly for Christmas. I think it was the only thing I asked for. I just knew she would complete my life, if I were to be blessed with her as a gift.



I believe we had Christmas Eve at my grandparents' house, because I'm pretty sure I had this dolly before Santa came on Christmas morning. And I was in Heaven! Imagine my utter disbelief when I found my little dolly's cousin with much darker skin in my stocking the next morning! I had TWINS - one little black baby and one little white baby! I was beside myself with joy! How could any one child ever be so lucky?

They were so realistic looking, and they felt more real than any doll I'd ever had before. They weren't made of hard plastic, but instead were made of a soft rubber, and because they were rubber, they had a little extra weight to them. They were as close to the real thing as I could get without monopolizing my nieces or nephews.

I don't remember what the argument was about, but one day, my younger brother and I each had hold of one of my black dolly's legs. As the argument grew more heated, so did the strength in our little hands. I don't think either of us realized what happened until I let out a scream. My little black baby that meant the world to me had been split almost up to her belly button. I was horrified and heartbroken!

As a result, the little white dolly became even more cherished. She's been with me since I was 7 years old. She's lived with us in 5 different states, several cities and countless houses over the years. Today, I made the decision to give her up for adoption. But now I'm second, third and fourth guessing myself.

She was taken to the car to spend the night with the other toys looking for a loving home. I took a picture of her before she was taken away, and that's all I have left. I've been wondering, if I made the right decision to give her up. I have wondered all afternoon, if I should dig her out of the stuff in the back of the car before it's dropped of at it's destination. It's hard to know what to do.

She's been a constant in my tumultuous-at-times life. Every time I've come across her over the years, I've known she wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't going to have to say goodbye. There's a bit of emotional security in knowing she wasn't going to go anywhere. But things are different now.

After all, I have a picture. And nobody can take away my memories.

I. Am. SO. Impressed. Part 2.

I tackled the closet in the girls' room today. Our middle daughter helped when they got home from school. She's not capable of figuring out what to do with things or where to put them unless I tell her, so I told her. Most of the time, she willingly worked and helped out. A couple of times (when she was missing her favorite television program that she's likely already seen a thousand times) she'd get a bit frustrated. It didn't happen often, and she got to watch her show when we took the boxes from the closet to the living room to sort.

Once again, our youngest would sign that she was "finished" with something, if she no longer wanted to keep it. I had to have her set some stuff down, because her hands were so full she was having a hard time signing. And our middle daughter was gladly saying "Keep it NO more! No more keep it!" I wish I could bottle her enthusiasm and use it on days when it's hard to get going. I'm totally in awe of both our girls. They amaze me.

Unbelievably, we sorted through almost as much as we already went through the other day in the bedroom. I am in shock. I honestly think that with everything we went through today, the two plastic storage containers that we still have to go through that contain dollies and dress up clothes, as well as what we already gave away, I think they probably only have 1/6th of their toys left! Seriously.

I don't know what's more shocking. That we got rid of so much, or that they had that much in the first place. Probably that we were able to get rid of so much. Ready to be shocked again? This does not include the copious amounts of toys in the garage, in the storage shed on the driveway, or on the back porch that I have yet to go through. By the time I get rid of all of them, we will probably be down to 1/12th of what we have had around here for toys.

I have really struggled with getting rid of toys. For so many years, the kids were at the same level developmentally without showing much progression. As a result, we had to come up with more toys for birthdays and Christmas, etc. that they didn't have but that would help them learn. To say that we ended up with too many toys would be an understatement. And while I've gotten rid of many of the toys over the years, I obviously haven't gotten rid of enough.

There was only one thing I hung onto for myself in all of this. I was able to part with a couple of stuffed parrots I had in my own bedroom as a teenager, but I couldn't give a little pillow away. My memory is a bit fuzzy on it. I don't remember, if I made it for our oldest, or if my niece made it and mailed it to her. But it's a little Precious Moments pillow made from a panel of fabric. I just couldn't let it go.

I have a picture of our oldest as a newborn with it. She was 3 weeks old in the picture. And she was smiling at the dolly. And I'm going to keep it for now. I can't bring myself to let it go. Not yet. Besides. How cute would it be to get a picture of her baby beside the same pillow some day?

Yeah. That's what I thought. :)

The Mickey Mole

Today's been a long day emotionally. Isn't it funny how emotions can be so heavy on a person?

Took our middle daughter to the doctor for her physical. All is well. She got the last of the immunizations she needed, and we all (her, me, the doctor and the nurse) survived. It's a relief to just have it all done and know she doesn't need to go in for another 5 years for boosters. There will be the annual flu shot, but that won't be too bad. Hopefully.

Took the youngest in for her appointment with the dermatologist. She said the mole needed to come off. She did reassure us that melanoma is very rare at this age, especially since our daughter loves to wear leggings, and her legs are typically protected from the sun. However, it doesn't mean she's in the clear just yet.

If I understood the doctor correctly, the biopsy can have a few different results. The first would be total normal cells that would be benign. Another, somewhat benign finding would be that the cells were abnormal, but she said the removal of the mole would take care of this completely. The third finding could be severely abnormal cells. In this case, she said they would treat it just like they would a melanoma. They will call us back in for more tissue to be removed from around the area of the mole. Then the last finding could be melanoma, which they would need to treat further as well.

I'm not overly concerned about it. At least I don't think I am. Maybe I am and that's why I'm so tired tonight. So I'm off to bed, but I leave you with:

The Mickey Mole.